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How would you feel if your friend was like this?

My friend and her husband fight constantly, he is a controlling jerk and I am always a listening ear for her, hate to see her unhappy, but what can I do except be there for her since she refuses to help herself, I feel thats all I can do. My hubby and I were over there and I am talking to her while she is on the computer. Well my hubby and I got into a slight argument, not bad at all, basicall just hey I dont agree lets go home and talk about it. As I am telling her goodbye (we were already going to leave to go feed the kids dinner we werent leaving just cause we were needing to talk) and she is writing to another friend of ours about how she is listening to us fight, and how she feels so much better that we are fighting so bad cause it makes her feel more normal, and maybe her relationship isn't doomed afterall. How would you feel if a friend of your was happy you were fighting Cont...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:39 PM on Jun. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • She then calls me later and is asking how bad was it, and what did we decide knowing we really got into it after we got home. She seemed really dissapointed when I told her that we were done talking by the time we got home, problem solved, just a misunderstanding, and no big deal. She has a really unhealthy relationship, bourderline abusive, her kids suffer from it horribly, and I have never been happy to hear her almost daily recounts of her and him fighting, how am I supposed to feel that she is happy when I am not getting along with my husband, I know she would never be there for me if I really needed to talk to her about relationship stuff after all this tonight.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:42 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • It might be possible that she is jealous of your relationship with your husband. She sees how wonderful it is, and wishes hers was more like that. She might have being trying to find comfort in the fact that you might be able to relate to what a hard time she is having. It is hard to have a friend when you feel that they can't relate to your problems. I am sure that she didn't mean that she was happy that you two were fighting, but she knows how wonderful your relationship is, and if you argue sometimes, and still have a wonderful marriage, she finds solace that hers might one day be too.
    2-1CavWife

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 11:55 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • She knows her relationship is a mess and wants comfort and some form of justifying how bad it is by reveling in your spat with your husband. If I were you, I'd consider telling her she's living in hell, ruining her kids and putting herself at risk. I'd be honest with her as it's the last nice thing you can really do for her. Then, I'd walk away and cut my losses and hope she makes the right decision to get out of her dysfunctional marriage. Doesn't sound like you're getting squat from the friendship and so then it becomes a situation where you are actually being used. Just my opinion.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 11:56 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • Um to me it sounds like shes so unhappy in her own relationship she has to constantly keep tabs on another to somehow assure herself that her relationship is normal. Friends ask if your okay not how bad was it gimme the details????( in a sense of nosiness to decide her judgement)
    misswhite

    Answer by misswhite at 12:27 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • Misery loves company. It is so unhealthy for her to base her relationship on the events of others but it sounds like she may be far from stable...no offense!! It may be time for you to say your "peace" about how you feel about her relationship and your friendship then take a step back. Its a mess she has to fix IF and when she decides to.
    ormom1977

    Answer by ormom1977 at 2:09 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

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