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Is it wrong to tell my son my mother-in-law is dead?

My husband and I no longer speak to his mom. Long story short she tried to break us up and it didn't work. she caused us so much trouble and pain that we had to move and even have to be careful of the information that gets out (where we live, drive, ect.). We are expecting our first child and my husband has come up with the plan to tell him that she passed away before he was born. After she made it VERY clear she didn't want anything to do with him. I can never forgive her for the pain I've had to watch my husband go through but i'm still not sure how I feel about this. Is it wrong?

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Mrshood09

Asked by Mrshood09 at 12:39 AM on Jun. 8, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (29)
  • I would not tell him she is dead. He will feel betrayed by your lies if and when he finds out. Then he will question everything you have ever told him.
    It is better just not to talk about her. If and when he does ask you should then tell him she is not a nice person and he is better off not knowing her.
    Nothing good can come from that big of a lie.
    Nathskitten

    Answer by Nathskitten at 12:42 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • Lies have a way with catching up with us. I would not get into it.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:43 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • My son has no greatgrandfathers, but has two greatgrandmothers he knows. He has never once asked about the other people that should be there. I think that if he asks, you may want to find a way to talk to him about it, but I don't see the need to introduce death, especially fake death, just because. What if he finds out later that she isn't actually dead? Does he have a plan to decide what to say then? Perhaps if he asks you could just tell him that "Grandma was very mean to Daddy and Daddy and I decided that we didn't want to be around someone so mean?"
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 12:44 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • I wouldn't tell him she's dead. I wouldn't say anything until he is old enough to ask. At that point just simply state that you don't know where she is and she isn't in your lives.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 1:01 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • you know what at the end of the day she's still his mother. and i think at one time or another moms say things that they dont mean and yeah they hurt us, but we only have one mother on this earth, and we need to appreciate them while their here no matter what bitches they are. and absolutely do not tell you child that she is dead, i say you contact her and let her know that she's having a grandchild and that if she would want to be part of this childs life she's welcome to even if you dont like her, because its not about us but about our children. good luck.
    MommaBear1129

    Answer by MommaBear1129 at 1:09 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • I wouldn't tell him that she's dead, I just wouldn't tell him about her.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 1:58 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • I think that eventually when your child gets old enough and asks HIMSELF yoyu should tell him the truth, or at least I would I believe in karam waaaay too much to lie about something like that, lies always have a way of turning back around on you and its best to not even get into it. Honestly he will probably be pretty old befor ehe even realizes that he doesnt have two grandmas and by then it should be pretty simple to just tell him that she has issues with you guys and chooses not to speak with any of you, put it back on her shoulders not yours by lying.
    hautemama83

    Answer by hautemama83 at 1:59 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • I have that problem with my mom. My mom was very abusive and l we were taken away from her, she allowed her boyfriend to molest me and my sisters for 3 years and did nothing/said nothing about it to try to protect us. She beat us really bad. my mom is not dead and I do not allow her to come around my girls or me, shes so much drama and really it's not healthy for anyone. She's crazy! My daughters know they have a grandma but they've never met her, when my girls get older and ask where my mommy is I'm going to tell them the truth and tell them that I'm doing it to protect them. I talk to my foster mom still and I call her mom so m girls do have a grandma just not a biological grandma. I wouldnt tell my kids that my mom is dead because it's a lie and I don't want to lie to my kids. Death is very unfortunate and severe, I recently lost a son and it's devastating and not something to be taken lightly. It's your choice though.
    babyangelromero

    Answer by babyangelromero at 4:24 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • My DS is 6 years old, My MIL is a pos! She RARLEY sees our kids. He has not asked any questions yet. I wouldnt tell your DS that. Chances are, by the time he is old enough to ask questions, you will be able to tell him the truth.
    airforewifenmom

    Answer by airforewifenmom at 4:46 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • Don't lie about a death even if you wish it to be so. You can say that she lives really far away or that she has "Old Timers" as the kids call it. Sorry that your family has to go through this.
    Jakesmommie

    Answer by Jakesmommie at 6:18 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

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