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I really need some advice.

Ok so....My son is in the NICU he is a surviving twin and he's had ups and downs we are fortunate enought that he's doing pretty good for only being born at 24 weeks. We were told to pick primary nurses but this one nurse one day told me that she picked him as her primary patient, this was days after my first son passed away and thought that it would be good because she was passionate about taking care of my son. For some reason things were not ok. Yes, I was very stressed out grieving and very busy with my girls at home. I grew up a foster kid so I don't have alot of support and have am pretty independant even with emotional stuff. This was extremely hard just losing a son and having my other son in the NICU fighting for his life everyday. I tried talking to her and getting to know her after all she is taking care of my son and I felt like I needed to be comfortable with her, I asked her if she watched movies and she .......

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babyangelromero

Asked by babyangelromero at 4:08 AM on Jun. 8, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 17 (4,048 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • cont..... just said, "I don't have a tv" so than I asked if she went to the movies and she said "yeah sometimes" but left it at that. At that point I was like ok she doesnt want to talk to me. I don't know why she doesnt like me but clearly theres an issue, she always made me feel like I was a bad mom and I wasn't good enough for my son with comments she made. The other night she completly just put me on the spot in front of nurses and parents and said that I was too emotional and I like to talk alot about my problems and I'm immature for thinking that evryone is going to get along with everyone and I'm not realistic and that it's a stressful job but even more stresful having to go to work and deal with me. Shes entitled to her opinion but she completly embarrased me and humiliated me in front of everyone, I told the supervisor but it didn't seem to help it actually made things worse all the nurses give me dirty looks now!
    babyangelromero

    Answer by babyangelromero at 4:12 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • You need to go to someone higher up in the NCIU or hospital and if you get no where there you keep going higher and higher up until someone does do something about her. You have every right to be treated with respect and they are taking care of your sick child. If you are up there every single day ask the questions that you want answered. Your son will be home with you soon and then you will not have to deal with heartless bitches any longer.

    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 4:30 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • Have you gone to the supervisor's supervisor about your problem with this nurse? How can you be a bad mom when you haven't had the chance to be a mom yet with your baby in the NICU? You shouldn't be treated like that.
    homealone_10

    Answer by homealone_10 at 4:31 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • Different folks have different needs, I'm sorry for your sake that she was unkind to you. Perhaps, you can go back to the supervisor in quiet and ask for another nurse for your son. You are correct in feeling that you too are under a lot of strain and do not need this aggravation. If that doesn't resolve your problem, you can always go to the head of nursing or a doctor you talk well with. With hope, you do have an alternate nurse chosen for your son. And remember to just smile at the nurses, their jobs are hard and seldom ever mean you harm, all will be forgotten, and you wilth their care will take home your beautiful son. Blessings to you.
    pattecake

    Answer by pattecake at 4:39 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • First, congratulations to your son and daughters for having such a strong and compassionate Mom like you . The nursing staff should know that you are just trying to get the best care for you child. Personally I would talk to the nurse and let her know that you did not want to get off on the wrong foot with her, you were just trying to get to know the person that was going to be taking care of your son while he was in the NICU. That if that bothered her then she should have spoke to you directly. That you would prefer to have someone else take care of you child, someone that you feel comfortable with. Then I would request a conference with the supervisor and staffing administration to see who is available to tend to your child's needs while her is in their care. Let them know this is not personnel to any nurse, just that this is your child and you need to be at peace when you are not there. They will understand, good luck
    Gemaof4

    Answer by Gemaof4 at 5:26 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • "The other night she completly just put me on the spot in front of nurses and parents and said that I was too emotional and I like to talk alot about my problems and I'm immature for thinking that evryone is going to get along with everyone and I'm not realistic and that it's a stressful job but even more stresful having to go to work and deal with me"

    This is so uncalled for!!! You are a grieving mother and you baby is in the hospital of course you are emotional!!! I am so angry that she said this to you! Some nurses can be so awful. I wish I could march in there with you and demand to talk to higher ups. I would file an official complaint for the way she talked to you. Then I would research other hospitals in the area and have my son transported to a better NICU (if there are other hospitals around you). NO ONE should talk to a grieving parent that way!!!!
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 7:42 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • I agree that she was very much out of line. Never should she have spoken to you that way and those comments were only her opinion and she should have kept them to herself. So now, my question is this....being that your son is in a fragile state in the nicu....do you think shes doing agood job of taking care of him? do you feel that she knows what she is doing and truly is concerned for your childs getting better? If so, then why not just go to her and just say, hey I would like to be friends, or sorry we got off on the wrong foot. See how she responds. The reason I am saying this is because even though she might not have the best personality and has treated you poorly, she might be a great nurse that your son needs right now. If you think someone else could do her job just as well, then I would seek to have her switched. I guess Im saying that I would want the best for my son right now regardless of my personal feelings. GL>
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 8:04 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • well, I did tell her that I wanted to be friends and she responded,"I'm not here to be your friend I'm here to do my job." I still need to feel comfortable with the person who is watching my son. I told her that she was a great nurse and she said "funny cause thats not how you made me feel." am I suppose to kiss her ass or something? I would say thank you. I don't know what more she wanted from me. I asked her to please be my son's nurse because she was really good with him and she said that she couldnt' because of me. I still don't understand what I did that was so wrong. I've been sitting here trying to think back and see if there was something I did or said to deserve to be treated like this. I treat people the way I want to be treated and for sure I did not treat her like this and now all the other nurses sound so cold on the phone with me when I call for my son or when I go see him.
    babyangelromero

    Answer by babyangelromero at 12:25 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • First off, I am soooo sorry for your loss! I won't pretend to know what that must be like. Secondly I am glad to hear you LO is doing better.
    Third, I would soooooo be done with this bitch! You are the mom, it is your way or the highway! Whether or not she likes your personality is not at issue. Other than doctors orders, you should be treated like a princess! I would speak to the charge nurse and if I did not get anywhere with her I would go to the cheif of staff if I had too. She has NO right to make comments of this nature! I would have her removed from the care of my son and have them give you someone else. I realize you will not get along with everyone in this life, but this is a premi for heavens sake. You should feel totally comfortable with the care you are getting for him. If not, then something needs to be done about it.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 1:56 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

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