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DO you feel sorry..........

for a mom who loses there baby (weather it be an early miscarriage, late miscarriage, still born, shortly after birth) due to not taking care of themselves? Like they continue to smoke or do drugs? It is a misfortune but don't you think they had all the resources to stop those bad habits? I have a friend who recently lost her baby at 5 months pregnant, she went into preterm labor and her baby was to young to live outside the womb. I was really sad for her and her baby but then I find out that she didn't stop or attempt to quit smoking after she founf out she was pregnant and shes a nurse! I definetly felt sorry for her baby and emotionally for her but I have mixed feelings also about why she didnt attempt to quit smoking. Where she lives the nicotine gum is covered by medicaid to help pregnant mom's to stop smoking. I just don't know what to think or feel anymore.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:26 AM on Jun. 8, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • i agree with the above post i do feel for them no matter yes doing drugs is wrong pregnant or not but i dont wish for them to lose a child, as for smokeing ( yes i understand its a drug so to speak ) but its not always a cause for death premuture birth yes i smoked when i was pregnant but also eat heathy and took care of myself. i did cut down from 1 pack a day to 8 cigs a day and my doc was happy with that. my son was born healthy and on his due date. u just never know sometimes other things happen when your pregnant and even the heatlthyest people have complications.. i agree dont harp on your friend would she harp on u if u were xpecting and u fell downstairs and lost a baby? cause u get clumsy and should have know clumsy and stairs arnt a good combo. now if she did herion or coke then shes not doing well for her or baby.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:10 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • Its a hard one. Alot of women smoke while pregnant only bc it is too hard to quit. Most of the time smoking doesnt affect the baby to the point where it kills them, yes it does happen. Maybe there was something else wrong with her pregnancy. I would feel sorry for her and the baby. No one should have to lose a child no matter if it is their fault or not. Just try to be there for her but tell her your true feelings when she asks why it happened. You know dont harp on her about it only bc shes been through alot already. delete your answer
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:31 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • I kinda feel the same way, like I don't feel sorry for people who die when the doctor says if you have one more smoke/beer you will die and they do it anyway. I feel really bad for the baby and some for the mom, thats a hard time. The only thing is she could have prevented it so I'm not sure how much I would be there for here. On a smaller scale... I feel like when your body is ready to go into labor it will and people doing all these things (not natural stuff like walking but doing stuff like taking castor oil) what if their baby wasn't ready and they did something to make it deliver then it has to stay in the hospital because of them, thats wrong. I remember how much I wanted to deliever, its tempting but same thing with smoking... put what you want aside for the health of your baby.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:33 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • Yes, I feel sorry for them. They made a poor decision. More than likely, they'll be beating themselves up about it and don't need me to do it for them. The loss of a child is terrible, no matter what the circumstances are, and no one needs their "friends" acting like they deserved it because they smoked.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:46 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • Yes I do feel sorry for them. It may be their own fault, but we all make mistakes. That they have made wrong choices doesn't ease their pain.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 7:13 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • I feel sorry for anyone who loses a child, regardless of what caused it, even if it was their own actions. The loss of a child has to be the greatest pain anyone can ever have to deal with, and if their own actions caused it, they are going to feel even worse. They still deserve my sympathy.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 7:31 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • Of course I do! Just because she was too weak to kick her addiction doesn't mean that she is any less of a grieving mother! She certainly should have quit, but lots of mothers carry healthy babies to full term and don't quit smoking. She was one of the unfortunate ones. I can't imagine what she is going through emotionally, but I imagine there's a lot of painful guilt in there.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 7:35 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • Of course I do! Just because she was too weak to kick her addiction doesn't mean that she is any less of a grieving mother! She certainly should have quit, but lots of mothers carry healthy babies to full term and don't quit smoking. She was one of the unfortunate ones. I can't imagine what she is going through emotionally, but I imagine there's a lot of painful guilt in there.
    --------------
    This is exactly what I was going to say. Word fo word. She deserves my sympathy no matter how it happened. Its very self righteous of a person to say "they deserved it" or " I dont feel for them". How many times have we made mistakes that caused us great pain that we wish we could take back? Lots of times and Im not immune from making mistakes.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 7:59 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • I'm kind of with you here. It's hard to feel sorry for them when you know their actions may have played a very large role in the death to begin with. Being a nurse she knew very well the risks she was taking, and though it is very sad, she decided that the chance of losing her little baby was not worth the stresses of quitting smoking. I would be remorseful, but not "sorry for her" in the least.
    Lilbeamercomin

    Answer by Lilbeamercomin at 8:04 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • I feel sorry for any woman who loses her baby. I don't care about the circumstances.
    dawpea

    Answer by dawpea at 8:08 AM on Jun. 8, 2009