Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What is wrong with me? am I crazy?

recently I have been second guessing my relationship with my husband we have been together five years and he is wonderful to me, he is a great provider & the best dad I have ever seen! we had a child young I was 17 and he was 18 why now am i second guessing the relationship? when before I was so sure now Im second guessing everything really could this be a result of the fact that I had a child so young? Any psychiatrists out there? I would be stupid to leave such a great person but I just cant dodge the feeling that Im missing out on something idk it feels like a midlife crisis way before im even close to midlife! how do i move past this?? it feels so childish I know what I have is good so why am I wondering if the grass is greener on the other side?

Answer Question
 
savala88

Asked by savala88 at 6:40 AM on Jun. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • It's probably because you did marry so young that you feel like you missed out on something.If you have a great man who loves you HANG ON TO HIM TIGHTLY if you don't someone else will snatch him up and then you'll be left looking for another great man, and there aren't that many great men out there. Have you talked to him about these feelings that you are having?
    homealone_10

    Answer by homealone_10 at 6:45 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • maybe you guys should introduce role playing. or spice things up and start going out on dates just the two by yourselfs or even a trip out to like vegas or somewhere were you've been wanting to go. My sister felt just like you describe and she ended up cheating on her boyfriend/baby's dad of 3 kids and then ended up leaving her boyfrind/baby's dad and going for this other guy who made her feel diffrent ended up getting pregnant with by him and now is juggling between her 1st baby's dad and her now baby's dad and of course they have problems with each other because of her. The kids are mostly divided and it's just such a big mess.
    babyangelromero

    Answer by babyangelromero at 6:55 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • It prob is from getting married/having a kid so young. You didn't get a chance to have your "wild years" I have an amazing husband who is a great father too and just from our little fights that aren't even fights, more like nagging I wonder if I married him too soon. (we married 6 months after we met) I just have to look past it and know he my get annoying but he is still the love of my life. Like my dad said, it takes work to stay married.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:02 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • Maybe you should seek counseling. Not that I recommend hiding something from one's husband, but he is such a treasure it seems a shame to upset him by even telling him about your misgivings. Perhaps think about your blessings, or read some of the sad stories here at CM by unfortunate ladies whose husband or boyfriend don't treat them well. I hope things work out for you.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 7:03 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • I know this may sound funny...
    But there is a saying " 5 yr wonder, 7 yr itch"
    Have you talked to your dh about your feelings? Maybe he is feeling something similar.
    But do remember (not being rude) you both were fairly young when you had your baby, a part of those teen yrs was replaced with a child and husband, so it's not unheard of to start wondering or second guessing... at times we all have been thru it in one form or another...
    Look at all you two have together now, how far you came to be there... now is it worth it to keep that going?

    Good Luck my Dear...
    gmasboy

    Answer by gmasboy at 7:17 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • thank you to all the responses thus far yes we have recently had a sit down and talked about what i was feeling because he noticed my attitude had changed. He is the opposite of me instead of being unsure he is certain that he wants to spend forever with me. the only problem is we dont know how to move past it. Someone above mentioned getting out to do something exciting and I will definatly take that into account! we may be in our early 20's but our attitudes are reflective of a much older age group, we dont really go out we are not wild our whole lives revolve around our baby she is our focus always maybe we need to take some time out for eachother I guess we just dont know how, in both of our families noone who was married ever stayed together they all ended in divorce so to say the least we dont have a model of what a good couple should do to keep it lively. I appriciate all your responses
    savala88

    Answer by savala88 at 7:34 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • DON'T LEAVE!! I was in the same situation as you at one point in my life( I call it my quarter-life crisis time LOL) I left and it was the biggest mistake. I was married to the perfect person, same as you, great provider, great dad and just generally a good person. Anyway, I left and found a new boyfriend who was fun and exciting, but that got old after about a year. I wanted my old life back and thankfully that great person took me back. He never holds it against me, but I still feel extremely guilty about what I did. I wish I could take it all back!

    Also, you're not missing out on anything. TRUST ME!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:35 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • Its cause you married so young- I left my hubby after 15 years and we got married I was 18, I felt like I grew up and he did not- I suggest councling if the feeling doesnt go away- sometimes people change or grow apart or one matures and grows up and the other stays the same. When u marry young that can happen. U wonder what its like to be with someone else, cause u didnot get to do it etc. I am married a 2nd time now. I got married in my thirties. The only diffrence is one is better in bed- my 2nd hubby, but the 1st was a great Dad. Go talk to someone together if u still feel this way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:50 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • There is a big mentality difference between 17-23, you've changed. I would do as PP have suggested and reconnect. If you can afford it take a vacation. If money is tight maybe camping, or go fishing(its actually fun). Don't take a good man for granted, remember all the little things you love about him.
    Farrahann

    Answer by Farrahann at 7:56 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • I don't second guess our marraige, per say, but sometimes I wish we would've tried living together first. But we got married then moved in with eachother so it was/is ALOT to get used to. But, since he is in the military, it's kind of hard to live with somebody when you would have to pay for the move and everything without any assistance. I'd probably still be at my mom's house if we hadn't gotten married. But, we're still in our getting used to living with eachother stage and once we get to know and ignore the little things that annoy the crap out of eachother, then we'll be fine. I don't think we were too young, I just think we didn't plan things out very well. Didn't think about having a transition stage or anything.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:03 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
Help...New baby-DF

Next question overall (Beauty & Style)
Glue build up?

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN