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Father/Bio-father questions!??!

My son will be 6 soon. His biological father hasn't seen him since he was 2 months old, I barely talk to him, he pays $200 every two weeks. So in a sense he is involved, but only financially.

The man my son calls dad has been there since I was 5 months pregnant, he was there the day I was rushed in for a emergency c-section, for his first birthday, his baptism, EVERYTHING. We have been together since before he was born.

Do I have to tell him about his biological father? To what extent does he need to know? He says he wants to see him, but has been saying such for almost 2 years.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:00 PM on Jun. 8, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (6)
  • I think that he needs to know about his father. The man is committed enough to send financial support for his child, I think that his child should at least know that he is out there. I am not saying you need to make the effort to make sure that he sees his father, I think that should be the biological father's responsibility, but the child needs to know that he has a biological father. If it were me, I would want my child to know that he has a biological father, but that it doesn't affect the relationship he has with your SO/his other daddy. To me, the more people that are there to love and support my child, the better.
    2-1CavWife

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 12:07 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • I'm in the same situation or will be when my son gets alittle older, I'm not sure what I will tell him, I want to just skip telling him about his real dad but then think if he finds out later in life he will hate me for it, it's such a hard desision, best of luck to what ever you choose.
    NicholeAT

    Answer by NicholeAT at 12:07 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • Well, if he is paying child support then there needs to be a discussion between you both about the extent of his involment and how you are hesitant to let him in. For fear of hurting your child.

    BUT no matter what happens his "step" dad, or true heart dad, has earned his seat in the father position. He will always stay there, so dont worry about that. Kids can smell a fake a mile away so bio dad cant steal him away from the one who has been there all along. ;)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • In my humble opinion you should have been raising him all along to know that he had two dads. The bio, who gave him life and a support check to help him along, and a "real" dad who is in the trenches doing all the things dads do. I would tell him he is extra lucky because he didn't pick his "real" dad, dad picked him out of all the rest.
    It is never good to lie especially over something of this magnititude. Trust me, when he is 18 and finds out he has a bio dad and the dad that raised him and he thought was his dad isn't...well I would not want to be around for that grenade! Honesty is always the best policy when it comes to this. This is going to go over much better now rather than later. No one, in my opinion has the right to withhold parental information from a person...it is our birthright. If he pays, is not abusive etc , there is no danger from him, he should be told.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 3:33 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • SALEXANDER:

    He hasn't seen him since he was 2 months old, he will be 6 soon. He didn't start paying child support until the courts made him. Which was less than 2 years ago. He never calls and asks about him. When my son had a seizure in school, and I told him, he didn't ask how he was (I texted him) he just said sorry.

    I know I can not MAKE him be in his life. He had no contact with me until he was 4. And only then because of child support and the courts.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:44 AM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • I'm in a similar situation,but my son's sperm doner has no involvement with my child period.He hasn't seen him since he was 3 months old (only about 5/6 times maybe).I get no money from him and never have.My son has asked me why,the person that he has always called dad,was not there in the beginning.Mainly if he looks at his baby book and sees the pictures that say "new daddy" on them.I've always told him that he wasn't there before.He's never asked to see his "sperm doner" before.On occasion,when my son gets mad at his dad,he will tell me he wants me to get a new daddy.I don't know how I will tell him when he asks me or my husband (the only person that my son has ever known as dad for his whole life.18 months old at least) where his real dad is.I know that I'll help him find him if that's what he wants to do.I just don't want my child to get hurt in any way.I'm not sure on what to do though.I'm not there yet.Good luck.

    elly25

    Answer by elly25 at 6:39 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

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