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Am I wrong?

Ok so my husband and I agree that we are done with his family. We are sick of being ignored and only asked to come over because they want to see our DD. My husband is on deployment and over the 6 months that he's been gone the only time I've heard from his family is last month and his mother wanted to see our DD. No "how are you?" "do you need anything?" just "I want to see ------"
His sister was down and had her babys 1st bday party and I didn't know about it until after they left. His other sister, her DH is on deployment and his family moved her back from out of state so she won't be alone but yet me, with a baby gets no help at all?!
So my DH and I talked it over and agreed that is family will not be coming to our DD 1st party. Do you think i'm over reacting? We've just finally gotten sick of their ways

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:05 PM on Jun. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • if he agrees with you than no i don't think you are. and you said you guys discussed it and its a mutual decision so i think that whatever else is going on with them over time has led you guys to come to this decision. just remember that the decision you are making is cutting your daughter off from part of her family
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 1:07 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • Yeah I know that we are doing that. And it bothers me a little because my mother basically cut herself out of our lives (she left). but we are just so sick of them. His sister put my DH and everyone else in his unit in danger by posting where they are and for how long on myspace and when we told them to stop they did it more and took us off their friends list
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:11 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • Have you said something to his family? I mean like point blank " We aren't being included in your family and want to know why. We are so hurt by this that we have considered ending what relationship we have with you. If this doesn't change, we will." Maybe you've tried this and going straight to cutting them out is the right thing to do, but if not, its way more adult to address the issue directly than just cutting them out. Don't get me wrong, that must really suck and I'm sure you don't really want to make an effort for people who don't for you, but you don't want to deprive your daughter of family if it could be avoided. good luck!
    mrs_pulley

    Answer by mrs_pulley at 1:32 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • wow, who's the bigger baby you or your dd? You sound like an attention hog who thinks the world revolves around you. Grow up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:35 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • It sounds kinda like you are more upset because it's the baby they want to see, not you. I do understand how you feel tho, seriously, I do.
    It would hurt my feelings if my inlaws didn't invite me for my nephew/neice's birthday (even tho I wouldn't go most likely).
    If you're both in agreement, then whatever works for the two of you but what you're not thinking of right now is the future... when you child asks questions. "well honey they didn't invite us over much so we just decided to never have anything to do with them again", not a very good lesson to teach your kids (and yea they listen to us and pay attention to us more than you know yet).
    My kids don't have grandparents in their lives and it sucks for them and me. They only have one grandfather but he's very sick so they don't see him very often).
    I'd let them see the kid/s regardless but that's just me wishing my kids had some grandparents that wanted to see them.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 2:45 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • mrs_pulley- yes we have tried that after the family Christmas party.

    Lisa- I'm really upset because they only talk to me when they want something.

    Anny- wow, no its not like that at all. I would love for you to deal with them and see how you react.

    I'm more upset is because they are two-face. We got yelled at because I was cold and my DH started rubbing my arms. his mother yelled at us saying we shouldn't do that. but yet its ok for his sister to make out with her DH in front of everyone, including grandparents. I get along every well with my DD great-grands. I try to go over every week. but if I don't I see them at chruch.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:15 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • and anny- us telling them not to post info on the web about deployments because it puts other peoples lives in danger and them refusing to talk to us is me being a baby? Wow, I feel sorry for you, you sound just my in two sister-in-laws.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:19 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • I think you have to do what is in the best interest of you, DH and your baby. My MIL was the same way when my DH was deployed (years ago). She never called, she called him on his return to tell him how sorry she thought he was. Since we have children she has tried to be a part of our lives. She is a venomous woman, and has removed herself from our lives when we stopped allowing her tantrums to dictate our lives. After my second pregnancy, I just couldn't live mine and expect my children, to live our lives on her whim. My DH is finally fed up as well, perhaps things will improve in the future. But I've stopped losing sleep over it, you and your family should too. Good luck. :o)

    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 5:02 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • thanks!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:15 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • From what you write you have NO idea what the problem is. Before everyone cuts everyone out of each other's lives for good there should be a sit down discussion about the situation. There could be some misunderstanding that could be hashed out. It is sad to see families just write each other off, especially when they don't have a clue as to why it is happening. grannywilson
    grannywilson

    Answer by grannywilson at 7:12 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

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