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I HAVE BEEN KEEPING A SECRET FROM MY SON.

I NEED ADVICE ON HOW TO HANDLE THIS SITUATION. 6 YEARS AGO I HAD AN ABORTION. MY SON WHO IS NOW 9 KNEW NOTHING ABOUT IT. EXCEPT NOW HIS FATHERS NEW WIFE FOUND OUT ABOUT IT (HIS FATHER WAS ALSO THE FATHER OF THE BABY I ABORTED BUT WE WERE GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE). HIS FATHERS WIFE TOLD MY SON WHILE HE WAS VISITING THEM THAT I GAVE AWAY A BABY. I'M NOT SURE EXACTLY WHAT SHE SAID OR HOW SHE SAID IT BECAUSE I STARTED FREAKING OUT TOWARDS MY SON AND TOLD HIM SHE'S NOTHING BUT A LIAR. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HONEST WITH MY SON. WE ARE SO CLOSE. I WAS GOING TO TELL HIM WHEN HE WAS OLDER BECAUSE WE KEEP NOTHING FROM EACH OTHER. BUT NOW I FLAT OUT LIED TO HIM WHEN HE CAME TO ME ASKING FOR THE TRUTH. SHOULD I SIT HIM DOWN NOW AND TELL HIM EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:48 PM on Jun. 8, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (24)
  • you should tell him the truth
    mandielynn23

    Answer by mandielynn23 at 1:51 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • I would tell him the truth now. It will only get out of hand if you don't do something now.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 1:55 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • Explain it to him in a way a 9 yr old will understand..you can talk about it more when he is older and more able to understand. then i would have a little chat with the SM!!! Im not normally confrontationaly at all, but what she did was totally not right!!! I would sit both your ex and her down and explain that u were going to tell ur son when he was old enough to understand and that it was totally wrong and not her place nor her business...etc...sorry i think im pissed for you!!!!
    RhiannonHunt

    Answer by RhiannonHunt at 1:56 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • Does your ex know that his wife took it upon herself to tell your son something that personal and private? I would be really upset, it wasn't her place and not her child to disclose that information to. Your son is till young but I understand the close relationship. Think about what you want to say to him first and come up with an explanation that will make sense to him but be truthful. Tell him the reasons why you didn't tell him. Good luck with this!
    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 1:57 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • I'm sorry, that sounds like a hard thing to go through. Just tell him you were pregnant by his dad and you were getting a divorce so you got an abortion because you were afraid of having another baby in that situation. Which I can imagine is a big reason you did it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:57 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • I would be PISSED at the stepmom though. I gotta say. She totally crossed some boundaries there.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 1:58 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • and NO ONE should tell a NINE YEAR OLD something like that. That is something to discuss with him when he is older. Wow that broad is dumb, and if I were you I'd have a serious talk with her because she is nuts to tell a 9 yr old something like that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:58 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • since he is only 9 he may not understand it all. so i would go with your gut on wether or not you think he will understand and not judge or worry that you will decide to do the same with him (he may think this at that age) i would also talk to your ex husband and ask that he talk to his wife. even if he didn't agree with the abortion she shouldn't be talking to your child like that ever.
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 2:05 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • I would sit him down and talk to him about it. Explain why you made this decision. He's young, and may not fully understand. But he'll still love you and forgive you for lying in the first place.
    And I would also talk to the ex husband and new wife. It is not her place to tell your son these things. If you wanted him to know, you would tell him when the time is right!
    SO is 20 and his mother just now told him that she aborted her 2nd pregnancy when he was a couple years old...It was hard for him. But that was what was best for her at the time.
    Don't worry. You'll get through this.
    LoniRae89

    Answer by LoniRae89 at 3:29 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • I wouldn't tell my 9 year old.
    I would have a chat with the ex and possibly the ex's new wife. Hopefully she will shut her trap, and he will just forget about it.
    I don't think it is the right age. JMO (and I have a 9 year old)
    honeyb3

    Answer by honeyb3 at 5:40 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

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