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What should I do ??? Please Help and no bashing please !

Ok so here it is... I have been with my kids dad since I was 15 we have 2 kids together and things were great there for the longest time. Then we started fighting alot and just kinda grew apart and so him and I went our seperate ways for a little bit. I ended up meeting another man, falling in love and getting pregnant. The guy ended up leaving me when I was 4 months pregnant and so I moved back in with my kids dad and then we got back together. I had my son and my kids dad has been here for me since and was there for the birth and everything.Loves his baby and thinks of him as his own. Now after 7 months the sperm donor wants to have part in his life after not talking to me for 11 months. I dont know what to do ?? should i let him be part or just let my kids dad be daddy ??

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:35 PM on Jun. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • the sperm donor thing confused me, if its just a donor then they do not have parental rights, if that is what you are calling your ex boyfriend then yeah as shitsy as it is the kid should probably know its real dad
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 7:39 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • Go to court to get the sperm donor to give up his parental rights. Ask your man if he will adopt. I doubt your man wants him in your lives. Especially since he stepped up and was there/is there for you and the babies.


    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:40 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • unfortunately sperm donor has rights. he also has responsibilities, child support. I would tell him to consider what's best for the child and ask him if he wants to pay all that child support? Some men get scared off by the thought of paying so much for so long. Make him pay for a DNA test ($500 or thereabouts). Sometimes when money is involved they back down. Tell him he cannot see the child until the DNA tests are in. Maybe by then he'll get someone else pregnant and leave you alone!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:40 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • Your son deserves a relationship with his biological father. What would you do if he found out, when he's older and able to understand, that the person who he always thought was his dad, wasn't? He may feel bitter towards you and I'm sure you wouldn't want that.
    LuvBug3

    Answer by LuvBug3 at 7:42 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • I agree demand the DNA test and then the child support. You may never hear from him again. If you do then that means he is sincere and your son deserves to have him in his life.
    MACY7108

    Answer by MACY7108 at 7:51 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • Hes my ex boyfriend,I really dont think that i want him to have any part of him... He was very abusive to me when i was pregnant and I dont know how he would be with my son. he already has a son by another woman and has custody of him. I dont think that my son will be at all bitter towards me when hes older because I think that he is being taken great care of by me and his daddy. I dont think that he deserves a right to know him just because i know that it would confuse him and then he wouldnt know who to call daddy..... would it be the real daddy or my boyfriend of 10 years??? I am just so confused...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:51 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • Would have been easier, if after you fell in love, you got married, before you got pregnant (or soon afterward), and then dealt with paternity/custody issues.

    If he has custody of his other child, I'm thinking his "sudden" interest in your son, is to get more government handouts and/or tax write offs. Make it difficult for him by requiring a DNA test and child support, and see if his interest in being a dad is still strong!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:14 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • well if you didn't want anything or think now you don't want anything to do with him you shouldn't of gotten pregnant. duh. anyway i think you don't know what love is and i hope your making the right decision being with your ex. with that said. the father of said child should have every right to have a relationship with his son regardless of how you feel. in fact at this point your feelings shouldn't be considered but the childs feelings. granted he isn't old enough but he will want to know who his real dad is at one point and this a secret you CAN'T hide forever. it will come up somehow. i would by all means get the child support set up. the child support is different then parental visitation meaning even if he doesn't pay child support he has the right to see his son. so if he goes to court asking for visitation you have to grant it to him with or without that support. the only way he is held liable for child support is to
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 8:17 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • have you request it in the first place. also in some state if you go through the state the paternity test is just $90 which he pays and when results in he is ordered then to pay the support. how much involvement he will have with the child really revolves around the father. he may see him a lot or hardly ever. either way i would make sure i got the child support set up. it's not fair even though he has accepted this child as his that he should have to pay for raising him as his own until an adoption is done. so it's obvious what you should do. i would never hold back a relationship from my ex from his daughter. she has the right to know him and they should bond as soon as possible to give them both a healthy relationship. remember it's not about your feelings. its about them two now.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 8:21 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • You already kno its his kid so expensive test is redundant. Your child will resent you if you choose to keep him from his bio father!! No matter his intentions he has the right to kno his child...we are all humans and make mistakes sometimes it takes longer for others to realize their responsibilities and obligations. In MANY cases kids don't ever get to meet or kno their real dad dont take that opportunity from your child. I know its hard but forgiveness is one of the keys to a long happy life!! PEACE
    ormom1977

    Answer by ormom1977 at 8:57 PM on Jun. 8, 2009

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