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Is it possible to even save the marriage?

My husband walked out 9 months ago. He immediately hooked up with one of his "friends" and they have been together since the day after he left. All of a sudden I have this insane feeling like this is all a huge mistake and that we need to be working on the relationship. I haven't really spoken to him about this because I am still praying about it and trying to figure out where these intense feelings come from. He also cheated on me about 7 months before he left with another girl. Has anyone gone through this and had your marriage survive? Our divorce isn't finalized. I don't even know if he is thinking about this or if he is willing at all to give up the other girl. I mainly just want some advice on how to handle this while I try and figure these feelings out. Is it possible for us to work this out?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:20 AM on Jun. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • He cheated on you and then he walked out and had a new girl the next day? I think you need to think long and hard on this one. Do you really want to go back to that life? Aren't YOU worth more than that?  Aren't YOU worthy of a better life than that?

    Madge1428

    Answer by Madge1428 at 9:22 AM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • I think if both of you want to work on it and you can forgive him for sleeping with someone else than yes. But if he doesn't want to truly work on it, than no.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:23 AM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • First I think you should talk to him and see if he wants to save the marriage. If he does not then it's not going to work at all. Me personally I think I would try to let it go. If he's cheated on you already then there is a good chance that he's going to do it again. But if he is wanting to also try to save it then there might be a way you can. I just think you should try talking to him about it first.
    Juggalette0327

    Answer by Juggalette0327 at 9:24 AM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • Have you read LOVE MUST BE TOUGH by Dr. James Dobson? If not, I think that would really help you with your decision. It's available pretty much everywhere.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:26 AM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • Anything is possible with God. I'm religious and you said you're praying so I'm assuming you believe in God. But... your husband has to be on board with that too. God can work in your life but only if you let him and the same goes for him. It's not okay for you to subject yourself to abuse (yes, being taken advantage of in that way and mistreated is an abuse). You have limits and should have clear boundaries that he has to respect. Ignoring those boundaries, which define who you are, and walking all over you is not acceptable to anyone, including God, I believe. You can communicate your thoughts to him but I wouldn't suggest getting back together without a commitment to be on the same page, not only a commitment to you but also involving a third party like a counselor.
    iluvmommyhood58

    Answer by iluvmommyhood58 at 9:29 AM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • Unless I'm reading this wrong, he cheated on you twice and left you for the second one? I would think very long and hard on whether you really want someone like that back. I understand you love him, and I also understand that some of this is probably you freaking out b/c you're about to be single again and maybe you're not really sure what you would do once you are. I would make sure that you really want HIM, and that it's not just that you're afraid of being single and willing to settle for him to avoid that.

    With that said, I think the first step would be to find out if he even has any interest in saving your marriage. If he doesn't, then there's no way it will work, no matter how badly you want it. If he does, I would say some serious, long term counseling is in order, for both of you. And it will be very hard, there won't be any trust, and you will have to struggle daily with wondering if he's doing something again.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:43 AM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • girl, if he'll cheat once ya know.. you shouldn't want him back anyway after he done dipped into someone else, if ya know what i mean. theres to many nasty diseases out there.
    there are faithful men out there..
    and if he was with her the next day, how long had it been going on before then, ya know.
    Kristina.C

    Answer by Kristina.C at 9:44 AM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • IF IT WERE I COULD NEVER FORGIVE A CHEATER. PLUS IF HE WENT BACK TO AN EX IT MUST MEAN THAT HE STILL HAS FEELINGS FOR HER.. I WOULD SIT DOWN WITH HIM AND FIND OUT WHAT HE REALLY WANTS TO DO.( I MEAN SINCE YOU SAID YOUR DIVORCE ISNT FINAL., ) I WOULDNT BE ABLE TO TRUST HIM EVER AGAIN (0I'D DRIVE MY SELF WORRIED SICK.) AND THAT WOULD BE A HORRIBLE LIFE TO LIVE. THATS WHY I WEOULD LEAVE HIM. BUT THATS ME.
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 10:44 AM on Jun. 9, 2009

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