Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is your mom not the "mothering" type?

I was on the phone with my mom the other day I mentioned I would like to have more kids. (mine is 4 months) I told her not this minute but yes, I loved everything about being pregnant and her smile melts my problems away. She blurted out that there was a reason she only had one kid and the pregnancy is the easy part. Then it was like a list of things I "needed" to get done before I should think about more kids. I just wanted to yell just because I don't have a college degree or a huge house doesn't mean me and my husband don't make enough money to take care of our family! If a baby was born while I lived in an apartment it doesn't make it evil. I would like a house but sometimes it is easier to be in an apartment b/c my husband works out of town a lot.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:55 AM on Jun. 9, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I am sorry your mom didn't understand the context of your comment and felt the need to put you down with her ideas of how you should live your life.

    My suggestion is don't open up to her no more. If you were such an inconvenience to her that you rob her from the joy of having other children, that was her lost. It doesn't give her any darn right to impose those believes in you. I told my mother long time ago: Can you just be happy for me? Can you just enjoy my company without feeling the need to dictate how I should live my life?

    There is a very good book called: Toxic Parents by PhD. Susan Reed That book has a very provoking title but it literary saved my relationship with my mom. The first part of the book teaches you what it is and why and the second one gives you tools to effectively deal with their behavior and putting them in a place where you still love them as your parents but they don't hurt you no more.
    bebita

    Answer by bebita at 12:22 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • My mom was the mothering type. I think all mothers butt heads with dd's because they have expectations and they have already raised kids so they think you should do it how they did. It is hard for a mom to step back and let you make your own mistakes when their job has been to protect you. My mom will get a look on her face when I say something and I can tell she is holding in her thoughts but with a disapporving look on her face. It drives me nuts!!!!
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 12:06 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • family is what makes home- HOME...we also live in an apartment and im dying to move somewhere bigger...my son has made the world of difference in our home and life! he gives our family of 3 great character...and maybe one day it would be nice to add another. not anytime soon, because i think he is more work than i ever anticipated. at some point, you have to not worry about what your own parents say bc you have your own family now. and as long as you and your husband are happy with any changes that occur within your own family, then whatever you decide is great!
    brodysmama23

    Answer by brodysmama23 at 12:16 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • My mom can be the mothering type and then be an emotional stone... she cried like a baby when I got pregnant the first time, I didn't even have tell her she just knew. When I told her during my pregnancy that I was starting college she was like "The time for that has passed, you've ruined your life." Now I'm in my second pregnancy and well on my way to a degree. Sometimes you just have to prove your parents wrong.
    Ugh, and by the way, we bought a house but you know what you can tell your mom? Some people prefer to live in apartments. That's right. I'd rather spend my time with my kids than worrying about all of this crap we have to worry about since we bought the house (i.e yard work and other such upkeep that renting does not come with).
    ajguinn

    Answer by ajguinn at 12:19 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • My mother is FAR from the mothering type! She's just plain hateful and cruel! Always has been. She goes as far as to tell me that I am a bad mother because my son needed speach therapy... And because we were thinking of pre-school. She said that only white trash peace of shit parents put their kids in pre-school and I don't deserve them if I'm going to do those types of things to them...

    Yeah, the mothering type... No her!
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 12:36 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • Dont feel alone some moms simply arent the mothering type. I have not spoken to mine in 6 yrs & there r several reasons as to why my life is now better b/c of it. Living in an apt w/ kids is not bad. We live in one very comfortably & love our place its perfect for us for right now! We do wish to have a home some day but r not ready at this moment to do that. U dont need to be married, have a house, two cars, 2.5 kids, a dog/cat, stay at home w/ ur kid, man going to work, etc. to raise ur kids right & be happy. As long as u r able to provide for ur family meaning food, clothing, happieness, then thats good enough. Material things do not make up for bonding & spending time together. Dont feel like ur alone though b/c a lot of us dont have mothers who know or knew what they were doing or saying.
    Mel30248

    Answer by Mel30248 at 12:42 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • Oh yeah & use ur mom as a tool. Observe her behavior & really tune into the way she makes u feel then fix those problems w/ ur own kids. U wouldnt ever want ur kids to feel the way u do about ur mom so use her as a learning experience. I know she makes u feel down but dont let her each time she does something like that just log into brain as what "not to do" w/ ur kids. I have learned a lot from my mothers mistakes & now know exactly what not to do (not saying I always know what to do b/c of it) but I do chose my words carefully, am more nurturing, etc. b/c of what I went through. :)
    Mel30248

    Answer by Mel30248 at 12:46 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • My mom had me and my sister 10 years apart because she wasn't very motherly. When she had me 10 years after my sister, she was like "oh yeah, that's why I waited so long to do this again." She was a very distant and un-nurturing mom. I recognized it and all the areas I felt empty because I didn't have a mother's love growing up. I earned a degree in Sociology and focused my studies on Marriage and Family. I even went to see a wonderful Christian counselor to deal with the neglect and emotional abuse I suffered at the hands of my mother. I am now a thriving mother of two, soon to be three. My sister isn't so fortunate. She bounces from man to man, our mother is raising her child, and she's had 5 suicide attempts.

    I saw that my mom was not the kind of mom I wanted to be and I worked hard to end the cycle with me.
    ThrivingMom

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 3:15 PM on Jun. 9, 2009