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Love your husband, but not IN-love with him??

I love him, I do. I just don't feel IN love with him. I'm so "tired" of the same issue's, arguments, battles that I just feel like I don't really care. I don't want a divorce, I don't want anything like that to happen. I know this hurts him. I can see it in the way he looks at me. I feel awful. I don't know what to do about it. Anyone else been here?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:23 PM on Jun. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Marriage is tough. So is anything worth anything in life! Being a Mom is tough. But worth it. So is saving your marriage. Sometimes you will feel 'out of love' because you are so irritated and tired of fighting. But work it out! You made vows. You said you don't want a divorce. You MUST give more than you take. It's hard sometimes but it can get better. The truth about successful couples is - they are hard workers. Good luck to you and the man you married!
    cdecker83

    Answer by cdecker83 at 1:28 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • Go for counselling for yourself work through a while some of your thoughts then bring in your husband and work through things together to make a decision. I'm married almost thirty years. My oldest is middtwenties and two younger than that, youngest in hs. I think often of my inlaws who had differences and how they handled them and were separate people on some things but not separated emotionally. Can you think of any one like that who's long time marriage with difficulties and differences you respect?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:38 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • I'm not married and i go through it.i love him but i don't feel in love.he acts like he don't care which i think is most of the problem.i havent heard i love u in like 4yrs and our 5yr ann is in a few days we dont hug kiss or anything.we have sex but thats it.we fight/argue but nothing is ever solved.need to talk feel free to message me
    alyssa1

    Answer by alyssa1 at 1:58 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • I think u need 2 write down how u are feeling and then share these feelings with him both good and bad. Y'all need 2 have a conversation without arguing so you can get on the same page and understand and feel where each other is really coming from. It's not wrong to feel this way I just think that you're tired of the same bs and frustration that's causing u 2 feel out of love. Wateva problems each of u have wit each other u both should try 2 work on them and then do things that you used to do that u maybe don't do 2day that will add more excitement and joy back into your relationship.
    ms.busybody

    Answer by ms.busybody at 2:54 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • I get like that when I feel like we've had one too many fights. He doesn't understand me and I'm tired of explaining myself so whatever, I'm over this. I'm not going to get roped into this cycle of fighting, making up just in time for the next fight so I just shut down emotionally. Familiarity breeds contempt. I realized it all came down to communication. He wasn't understanding me because we weren't communicating well and that's just as much my fault. You actually have to learn how to talk and practice it to make it work. I bet if you talked to him and walked away feeling like he really got you, you would start to let your guard back down and feel love toward him again. And that can happen if you guys make a commitment to better communication- be that through counseling, trying your own methods or even googling "how to argue." Its amazing how much just feeling understood can help you feel reconnected to your spouse.
    mrs_pulley

    Answer by mrs_pulley at 3:00 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • I felt exactly, like that with my ex-husband. Only difference was I was never "in" love with him from go. I cared for him and felt pressured to marry him from my family and religious community and I thought perhaps I would grow to love him. We were only married for 3.5 yrs before I could no longer take the lying, cheating, staying out all night, the lack of physical hygeine so all of those things did not help me grow to love him or fall in love with him. I finally, had enough and I asked for divorce and he didn't want it but signed the papers anyway thinking that during the process he could win me change, win me back and that I would change my mind.

    WRONG! Never happened and neither did the whole falling in love with him either. I felt like I owed it to myself to find true happiness and find someone who I would fall in love with and continue in that way. I found him and I've been married to him for almost 7yrs.
    Ladybugkisses76

    Answer by Ladybugkisses76 at 3:27 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • There are a couple of routes to go down to fix this. I actually recommend both.

    1. Marriage counseling. It can help you two learn to communicate effectively where you DON'T fight over the same things, because they get solved and you can move on from them. Drag him to counseling with you AND go alone. Encourage him to go alone too.

    2. It sounds like you two need to reconnect away from the stresses of every day life. Get a sitter, and plan a romantic evening just the two of you. It can work wonders with the "not being in love" feeling.
    Cavalrybaby02

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 3:40 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • i know what your gopin through, im not married but we were engaged, were still together but i just dont feel the same way i did when we first got together. we have a beautiful baby giirl together and i kinda think thats the only reason im still here...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:06 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

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