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id really like to adopt someday and....

I have a almost 2 yo dd and one day i really want to adopt. My dd's father and his bro were adopted, adn maybe 10 to 15 other ppl i know were also adopted

One day i want to adopt. Its there in my head, and no matter what it has been ther since i was like 12 and read "the family nobody wanted" by helen doss. what that woman did made me grateful (even tho at that time i knew no one that was adopted) for her and her husband, and put a great love for adoption in my head even then. I could never give my child away, but id like to believe that im the kind of person u might want to give your child to...

With that being said, I dont plan to adopt for 10 years or so, but what is the best way to go about to do this? open or closed, agencies or foster first, babies or older kids....

I want to have all my research done BEFORE im able to do it, so i wont lose any time!!

All in all, one day i wish to have 5 or 6 kids, at least 2 adoptd

Answer Question

Asked by bananaapplepie at 2:47 PM on Jun. 9, 2009 in Adoption

Level 5 (62 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • There is no best way to go... it is whatever fits your family best..
    There are several routes to choose between: open, closed, private, agency, international, foster, foster-adopt...
    Fostering and fostering to adopt are the cheapest routes.. little to no fees and state given subsidies. TPR ( termination of parental rights) must be signed for a child to be available for adoption through the system.
    Private- typically done through an attorney.. fees and paperwork involved.
    Open- this can be semi open or completely open. Semi is where the a-parents send pics/ updates through the agency.. completely open includes visits. Unfortunately, open adoptions are not "enforceable". Some a-parents close them with little to no warning.
    Closed- no updates, no visits, no contact at ll.
    International- done through an agency only... lots of fees and paperwork, can be a long wait
    Domestic infant- through an agency, picked by an e- mom

    Answer by mcginnisc at 4:10 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • One thing to keep in mind (if you are waiting 10 years) is that you may run into age limits. Depending on which path to adoption you choose, you may also be required to have been married for a certain number of years or be an active member of a church. Just do your research so you know you're choosing what is best for you and your family. One thing I will add to the previous posts - please only agree to an open adoption if you are willing to follow through. If open adoption is not something you are comfortable with (even after doing some reading), there are other ways to adopt where you won't have contact.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 4:19 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • I think the type of adoption you chose is really up to your personal preferences. Do you mind the birth mom being in the child's life or do you prefer her not to be. Do you want to raise a child from birth or do you want to take an older child. Do you want to help a child who is up for adoption because their parents gave them up at birth or do you want to help a child who was taken by CPS because of neglect or abuse. I think really you just need to sit down and really think about what YOU want, because every person is completely different. My boyfriend was adopted at 2 years old because his birth parents neglected and abused him. He had many issues that took much patience and time, his adoptive parents had to put a lot in to helping him cope. However they are so proud of how far he has come and he is so thankful of them bringing him into their world and taking him out of the situation he began in.

    Answer by michelle0228 at 4:22 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • Babies/ older- It just depends on the family.. don't think that a baby comes to you as a clean slate.. they will grieve their loss of birth family just like an older child will. Please don't take this to mean that all adopted children have issues, but some do have attachment/bonding issues later in life and almost all adoptees will experience grief since they have experienced a loss.
    If you are serious about adoption you need to read all that you can about adoption, adoptees, attachment, bonding, sensory disorders, RAD, and also the different routes. You should also talk to birthmothers, adoptees ( not in your family)and a-parents. This will give you a rounded idea about what adoption entails.. not only just the journey but also the day to day lives of all involved.
    By the way, I'm an adoptive mom to a little girl from China.

    Answer by mcginnisc at 4:23 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • Any ways my point is that every one is different and there is no best choice. It all depends on your reason for adopting and what you really want.

    Answer by michelle0228 at 4:25 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • Oh and by the way my BFs a-parents began as foster parents which they said was great, however it was a long and expensive battle to get him because they had a lot of problems with the birth parents. So beginning with foster care can be but is not always cheaper. You'd be surprised how much money your willing to spend on lawyer fees when you've become really attached to a child and some one else is battling you for them.

    Answer by michelle0228 at 4:33 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • im thinking i want to start out with fostering older kids, i think a lot of teenagers would be better adults if they had a rock solid home during those years....

    but then again, im not really sure...

    would having a child out of wedlock make a difference?
    or how bout this one time that SS was involved because my dd's dad is an idiot?

    Answer by bananaapplepie at 5:11 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • I don't think it would hurt your chances at all that you had a child when you weren't married. We had a teenager for a couple of weeks once, but not through foster care. Her mom just decided she'd had enough of being a mom and kicked her out. We lived down the street and she stayed with us until a family from her church took her in. She was a good kid but had been through a lot. We enjoyed having her around. After the first week the big elaborate lies started, so it was good that she went to a couple with plenty of "teenager" experience. We let her walk all over us. That partially influenced our decision to start w/ a baby. We felt we needed experience.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 10:42 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

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