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TO MARRY OR NOT TO MARRY??

so the SO asked me last night if i would want to get married before he leaves for his stateside deployment- he'll be gone for 18 months and he leaves 2 months after our son is due- we have hit a bunch of rough patches lately but we always work through them- he was married 3 yrs ago and it lasted for 10 months ( he was 20 when he made that decision) he says he really wants this but its up to decide whether we do it before he leaves or when he gets back-- if we get married before he leaves he can add me and our son to his insurance and be fully covered and he'll get paid more while he is away and when he gets back we've already looked at some land and prices on a house.... but---- if we marry before he leaves i wont tell anyone...... not my parents nor his.. i want to have a real wedding when he gets back--- so would it be wrong to get married and keep it from everyone until we have the real deal??

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:07 PM on Jun. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • basically we'd be getting married before hand for the insurance and more money (we already decided when he gets back we def want to be married) but i want that dream wedding that all girls want... and the parents wont be too happy with me about it.. they'll think its just because we're having a baby... we talked about this way before the baby came into picture though... im 20 and he's 23... and we've been together for a yr now and lived together since 3 months of dating...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:09 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • LOL i planned this EXACT same thing...we were going to get married all along..things just happened out of order..if you know you wanna marry him DO IT BEFORE HE LEAVES!! that way hell have enough money to come back and do the things you need to do..actually you'll have enough to have the "real" wedding you want. theres nothing wrong with not telling ne body and letting them think the ceremony they see was the first one!!! works out well for both. but DONT do it its just for convienience...it wont work or last. make sure you wanna do it and the money is just a plus!
    sweetstkissez22

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 5:10 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • yeah we do want to get married no matter what but it would really help to be covered by his insurance & make more money as well... i just dont want anyone to know but us... until he gets back.. will i have to change my name right away?? even if i did that'll be fine... they dont really look at my stuff anyways for figure it out that way
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:14 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • Thats being deceitful to your family and no I would not do that. Why would you want to start your life out on lies? If you want to get married.. get married and tell everyone. Why can't you just have a real wedding before he leaves? I planned my husbands and I wedding for 150 people in a matter of 2 months. It was just like anyone elses wedding too.
    amy31308

    Answer by amy31308 at 5:23 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • we dont have the money to get married like we want right now... we have to much going on before he leaves for us to have the real wedding we want.. plus with our son on the way he is where our money is going before he leaves... babies aren't cheap.... so thats why we also want to wait--- cause he will almost be 2 when he gets back -- we need the insurance & the money
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:27 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • How hurtful that will be to your family. Don't be surprised if not a lot of ppl show up once they figured out you lied to them. What a selfish person you are. I'm glad you are not my dd. You probably just want to take him for all you can get out of him and this way you can collect his money and still date other men and no one will give you a hard time about it. You should be ashamed. Can you say Gold digger?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:46 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • If you have already been together and will have a child forget the hoopla for a wedding. You can get married and have a reception when he gets back. Don't live a lie before your family. If you have had a few rough spots then they already caused stress to your family because of your behavior.
    grannywilson

    Answer by grannywilson at 5:59 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • yeah im the gold digger when it was all HIS idea in the first place... please anon:46 read the whole damn thing first!!! ive stuck by his side through more shit than anyone would have and we're the happiest that we could ever be.. and with our son on the way we're trying to plan out how to the best parents to him so he can have everything he needs/ wants... with him being in the military our son can have a good insurance plan just incase something happens... so yeah if planning on having money for our family and making sure my son is covered and taken care of is being selfish then i guess i am... the reason i dont want to tell my parents is because i want that beautiful wedding where my dad walks me down the isle and everything... i dont want them to think we're getting married just because we have a child on the way.. thats the only reason i wanted to wait for him to get back
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:02 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • not rough spots with our family--- rough spots between us... and we've made it through---
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:03 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • i think the idea is just fine myself. i can see where you're coming from..


    and anon 5:46 --- grow the hell up and rethink your damn answer, she clearly wants to be with him it's just that she wants to have the marriage perfect for their families as well. she's not doing it to date other guys. how'd you figure that from the question?
    rainylittlebug

    Answer by rainylittlebug at 6:24 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

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