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Was I wrong, or do I have a right to do what I did?

So DH and I have been trying to work on our relationship after being separated for about 2 months. He occasionally goes to bars to watch his cousins band, and did so on Friday. No big deal he told me about it, called me when he was at the bar and would answer when I called. When they were done playing he called and said he was tired and going to stay at his brothers' and go to sleep right away. Well we were grocery shopping Sunday afternoon, and ran into his friend who started talking about hanging out at another friend's house Friday night. When we got home he was outside making BBQ and I looked through his text messages and found texts asking someone to get him some weed Friday night. He knows I don't like him to smoke for huge personal reasons. So I confronted him and he got mad at me for going through his stuff. I only did it because of his friend saying they were out. Does he have a right to be mad?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:31 PM on Jun. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • No i go through my SO stuff all the time just because I am nosey. Yall are married so his business is your business.. thats how i see it.

    Answer by ggiovanni at 5:35 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • well if you're seperated, stay out of his business, so what if he smokes weed? is that really worse than him drinking at a bar?

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:38 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • Obviously you have kids with this man. and you two are trying to work things out. So heck yeah you had reason to go through his stuff and be mad at him for smoking!!!!

    Answer by mommyofAurora at 5:40 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • yes, there is a thing called privacy. He's a grown man. He has a mother. He needs a wife.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:40 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • i agree he should have some privacy but if he has nothing to hide why does it matter? yes he needs a wife but you as a wife deserve the truth and for him to be honest which he obviously wasnt if he went "straight to bed".. your suspicions were justified so yes.. hes just mad he got caught.

    Answer by USMC_Elisa at 5:43 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • Ok for those of you who go through your SO's personal things SHAME ON YOU! Would you want them to go through all of your things and poke their buisness into your personal life? I don't agree with you looking through his texts, but I can understand why you did. This one is a tough decision because you wanted to know what else he was lying about. But for those of you who do it on a regular basis just because you are nosy you should be ashamed of yourselves!

    Answer by vchristineg at 5:45 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • hmm... i never go through my husbands stuff, never had the urge or a reason. I think that unless you guys can get to a place where you have no urge or reason to check up on your husband, then you will not be truly happy. Happy couples just ask whats going on, get a straight answer and move on.

    Good luck- I think that with some work most relationships can be a good ones!

    Answer by teampalmer4 at 5:51 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • OP- anon :38 yes, to me smoking weed is worse than drinking at a bar and DH knows it, and has known that for years. He knows my reasoning behind that and I don't think I really need to go into my family's history of problems because of it. Why should I stay out of his business if we are trying to work on things?

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:58 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • Be persistant!! It pays!! Do what you have to to find out what he is doing and who he is with!! This is your future!!


    Answer by SouthernMOM1981 at 6:00 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • I'm in the middle. You shouldn't have gone thru his stuff; his friend's statements were the proof you needed that he lied to you. So you were wrong on that. But you are not wrong to be mad at him, b/c his friend made statements that showed you he lied to you about what he was doing. I think you need to sit down, and apologize for going thru his stuff, but then explain that he lied to you, and that although what you did may not have been right, you can't trust him and what else are you supposed to do? It's pretty obvious that right now, at least, you can't trust him. I would remind him that rebuilding trust is one of the biggest things that needs to be done in rebuilding your relationship, and that what he just did was a major setback to that. Have you guys considered or are you currently getting counseling? You may want to do that, it could help a lot.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:43 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

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