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I caught my husband trying to buy steroids? Can I trust him? What Do I Do???

My husband and I want to get into shape. We've been pretty consumed by it. I just figured we would eat right, and go to the gym, and be active, like... indefinitely. But, yesterday I caught him trying to buy steroids from an online friend. He was being so sneaky about how to pay and where to mail it... he knew how upset I would be. Now I feel like I can't trust him with anything. And, I'm not sure if I'm overreacting. Technically, he didn't do anything wrong because I caught him before he took the drugs, but I still feel so betrayed. We have two young children and it's seems like such a terrible, selfish risk to take. I almost feel like I can't love him if I can't trust him and I'm not sure if I can. I also found a recent picture in his email account of an old girlfriend posing nude for him. He says she was just being needy and it didn't mean anything... but why then did he keep the picture? I know he's not cheating... but?

 
alibean

Asked by alibean at 6:59 PM on Jun. 9, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • What he did is not right and its pretty obvious you know that. He broke your trust and didn't put his marriage and family first in either of his actions. If he was, he wouldn't have bought the steroids and he would have deleted the picture, told the girl never to email him and tell you that some looney ex tried to contact him the other day but he isn't going to respond. How he chose to behave was really immature and flatly wrong. It doesn't matter that he didn't do the drugs or didn't cheat- its the implied intent. You don't buy drugs just to tote them around and you don't hide pictures of nude ex's because it doesn't mean anything. There was something more to it so don't let him try to say he didn't actually do anything. He can't "make it up to you" really-he just has to actually work on becoming a better person and time will help you heal. I would get a counselor. If he wants to make it better, he'll do it.
    mrs_pulley

    Answer by mrs_pulley at 7:52 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • He saved the picture in a separate folder with some other friends emails. It was months old and had kinky innuendo with it. I just don't understand his need to save it. There was obviously some reason he moved the picture... I don't know... I am really upset about the steroids. He knows that I had an abusive boyfriend in college. He knows it was steroid related. He knows how I feel about it. His email expressed a need to pay through paypal so his "wife" wouldn't see a blank check stub and ask about it. He's never lied to me before (I don't think) and now I am questioning every word that comes out of his mouth. How irresponsible could he be. Steroids cost hundreds of dollars a month... are illegal... are dangerous physically... and warp your mental capacity... make you violent. And the picture bothers me because he kept it. Why did he keep it? WTF?
    alibean

    Answer by alibean at 7:00 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • He wouldn't have kept the picture if she were "just being needy." It's pretty obvious what she "needs" if she was posing nude from him. I'm sorry, but from what you've said, I don't think you can trust him. And if you've been in a situation where there was steroid related abuse before then I wouldn't take a chance. You don't want your kids to have to go through that too. I'm not saying leave, but you need to have some serious chats with him.
    ajguinn

    Answer by ajguinn at 7:06 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • My husband did steroids for a couple years, his best friend is a pharmacist and knew how to do it the right way, there is a safe way to do steroids. but if you dont know how then there are a lot of side effects (i.e. 'roid rage) and as for the trust, well he obviously was trying to hide it from you so no i would say dont trust him for now, he needs 2 earn your trust back. and for the picture, i would be pissed the FU** OFF!!!!! lol sorry but i dont go for that shit and theres no way in hell i would lput up with that
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:13 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • Thanks! The part that's really throwing me off is that, until I read his emails two days ago, he's been a perfect husband, a great father, and my best friend. I never thought I had a single thing to be suspicious of. And, like I said, technically he didn't do anything. He didn't take the drugs, and he never cheated on me. But still... would he have done those things? Could he. I know if he had obtained the steroids he would have used them. Would he have gotten together with his ex? Was there some reason for him to keep that temptation close? Was he interested? And what if he had taken the drugs... that scares me so much!
    alibean

    Answer by alibean at 7:17 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • i wouldnt trust him honestly and he did do something wrong even though you caght him before! wouldnt you be mad at your child and punish him if caught him sneeking out but didnt cuz he got caught??he knew it would hurt you and he did it anyway and the picture thats obvious he wanted to keep it to look at and i hope you are right about him not cheating cuz imo if he would do all this to you what makes you say he wouldnt cheat on you??
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:18 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • What do I ask him to do? How can he make it up to me? I don't understand exactly what's going on myself. I feel like i'm going crazy!
    alibean

    Answer by alibean at 7:19 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • only you can answer that. what can he do to make this up to you??? can he do anything?? can you ever forgive him and trust him? those require only your answer........different women require different things. i would need accsess to all him email accts or get rid of the comp
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:22 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • you have to decide to work on trusting him again and you need his help to do that.
    but my question is if you really trusted him before you saw this stuff, why were you reading his emails? it seems like you already had a reason not to trust him and thats why you were reading them, so you need to figure out what that was too and go from there.
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 7:25 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • Actually, I did really stumble upon it. I was in deep conversation with a relative and sat down at the computer moments after he got up. He was still logged in and I didn't realize I wasn't reading my own email until I read "keep it a secret from my wife"... it clicked. Then I went crazy reading through all his emails. Now I'm not sure what to think. I had implicit faith in him.
    alibean

    Answer by alibean at 7:30 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

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