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i love him but im not in love with him...

i love my bf very much. we have a beautiful baby girl together. i just dont think im in love with him, and it makes me wonder if i ever really was. maybe it was just a need to stay with him because i got pregnant. i dont know how to tell him without hurting him...thats the last thing i wanna do...

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jae1508

Asked by jae1508 at 7:15 PM on Jun. 9, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (4)
  • I don't think "not being in love" with someone is a good enough reason to break up your family. Is it communication? not enough time together? you're bored? I mean, most relationships hit a point where things aren't so great. I don't think the people who last have it better, they just know how to handle the normal issues that can some people can't work past. If you two have a strong foundation- shared values and goals of where you want to go with your life- then you can probably make it work. Now if your foundation isn't there, yah, you probably made a bad choice and hopefully you can walk away knowing what to look for in the future. Good luck
    mrs_pulley

    Answer by mrs_pulley at 7:20 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • we re together almost all the time everyday. its not a communication thing we talk about almost everything. in the beginning we werent even planning on getting together, then we found out i got pregnant, and decided it would be better for the baby to try to make things work. we ve had problem since the biginning of our relationship between him leaving for days at a time to girls calling and comming to our house asking for him. i just kept it in my head its best for the baby, i dont really know it i was right to do that or wrong to stay with him through that...
    jae1508

    Answer by jae1508 at 7:47 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • Being in love with someone is just a romantic notion, not a real emotion. It's like lust. It goes away very fast. Love is growing with in respect. You come to understand each other and have respect for each other. Lust, and that feeling of being in love, go away usually within a year of a relationship. If you can say you love a person after that, chances are you are actually heading in the right direction. You cannot grow in a romantic notion.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 7:53 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • well just because you talk a lot doesn't mean you're communicating. and the fact that you spend so much time together could actually be a big problem- you may be depending on him for too much instead of fostering your own interests and relationships. However, the stuff with girls coming and going and him disappearing is flat out wrong with zero exceptions. Obviously you two would benefit from counseling because it sounds like he cares about you on some level (from what you said about hurting him), but I'd let him know flat out that the next time he's MIA or a girl shows up, its done. That is not normal even for bad! I can't even begin to get into the implications or the lack of maturity someone would have to do that! Don't worry about hurting his feelings because if he does that, he obviously is taking advantage of you.
    mrs_pulley

    Answer by mrs_pulley at 9:37 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

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