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I have cheated twice...should I get a divorce?

Please dont judge me before u read this, as I am really needing some advice and really hurting. I have been married for 15 years. We have two kids. 3 years ago, I had an affair with my HS sweetheart, which I came clean to DH about. We made every attempt to get our mariage back on track. But the thing is, I still craved more attention that what he gives me. So, just a few weeks a go, I started an affair with someone I met online.

It kills me to think about leaving my husband, as we have been together so very long. He is a good man. Great father, hard worker, good to me. But there is no passion in our relationship, and we have had some issues in the bedroom as well, way before the affairs.

I know I obviously have issues with not being able to stay faithful, but the thought of being without my husband, or hurting him, hurts me. I am just in a bad spot and hope someone can provide advice. Thank you!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:41 PM on Jun. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Leave your husband. If there is no spark, then admit it to him and tell him your done. Don't play games and cheat. The affair can wait until your seperated.
    Mama_Kimmy

    Answer by Mama_Kimmy at 10:45 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • You are going to get bashed... But I just want you to think about how this will affect him. I think you should be honest with him about everything. Its going to hurt either way, so he should be able to decide as well.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:51 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • You guys have kids, don't let them think that what you and your husband have is a normal relationship. I hope that didn't sound rude because I didn't intend it to. All I'm saying is that I'm sure your affairs are causing tension in the house whether or not your husband knows or you even realize it. My dads last wife cheated, and even before he knew there was just always this tension in the air when I went to visit. I finally pulled her aside one day and told her it wasn't doing anyone any good, them staying together. You will be happier, your kids will be happier, everyone will be happier if you leave (not because of the cheating, but because of the release of the tension and maybe you can find someone who really will make you happy, and maybe he can find someone else too). I know that it hurts and that it is complicated, but in the end it isn't doing anything but causing stress on your life.
    ajguinn

    Answer by ajguinn at 10:51 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • I think that maybe you should think what will hurt him more (as you have said that you do not want to see him hurt) finding out you cheated or you being honest about your feelings about him, the passion, and your relationship and leaving. And also you may need to grow more (alone) I don' t know how old you are but if your response to difficult times in a marriage is to cheat then maybe being in a marriage is not for you (and remember the 80/20 rule )

    nateandlo

    Answer by nateandlo at 11:03 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • This is NOT about you not being able to stay faithful. It's about hubby NOT providing you with what you need. Below is the name of an Irish goddess who had court to see if husbands were taking care of business at home! I love this story!!!!!!
    Aeval
    Other Names: Aebhel.
    Location: Ireland.
    Description: Goddess who in popular legend is a faery, who held a midnight court to hear the debate on whether the men of her province were keeping their women sexually satisfied or not. She commanded that the men bow to the women's sexual wishes.
    Rules Over: Lust, sex magick, wisdom in making judgements.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:16 AM on Jun. 10, 2009

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