Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Should i divorce my husband of 14 years?

First of all these are the things ive been experiencing with my husband,
Wont sleep in same bed with me - says because i like to sleep with the fan on. - he hates noise
doesnt show me love affection thinks cuddling is touching my ass or breast
never kisses me never hugs me
always at his moms and hangs out there to eat rather than home with kids
hates when i complain hes a momas boy
hates taking me places but will jump to take his mom places
wont talk to me unless i get very mad
doesnt want a divorce but doesnt change his ways
hes not a good dad when hes at home he sleeps on the couch no interaction with kids, no disapline
hes a great provider pays all the bills but hes not a good husband or dad emotionally i feel guilty even complaining i dont know what to do were so diferent and diff backrounds hes a nice guy to everyone just not to me or kids,

Answer Question
 
yazminp17

Asked by yazminp17 at 11:17 PM on Jun. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • Maybe he'll be a better dad when he has to play you child support and alimony.
    Mama_Kimmy

    Answer by Mama_Kimmy at 11:19 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • Your husband may be a crappy husband, but he is the only father your children have so you need to stick it out until they are grown, act happy, and then divorce him when your innocent children are adults.
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 11:19 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • It sounds like its time to move on.

    You are obviously not happy, and if he truly isn't willing to change (as in you have talked, rather than bitched to him, about it and he still won't change) then that environment is not healthy for your children.

    Your kids need their dad...not his money. They can get his money without him their (its called child-support)
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 11:19 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • Oh yes, stick it out for the happieness of the children, because in NO WAY will it harm them mentally to know deep down that mommy and daddy do not get along and that they should be divorced. NO WAY will it hurt them as adults to think that maybe their parents DO love eachother, and then out of no where they are getting a divorce.

    For the LOVE OF GOD do NOT stay "for the children". I can tell you it is the worst thing you could possibly do for them.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 11:21 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • Also, Dr. Laura's The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands has a lot of good ideas on turning a crappy husband into a good one. The book Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerton also had good ideas for turning a bad marriage around. It's worth sticking it out.
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 11:21 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • I am not saying to stay in a crappy marriage, I am saying to make it a good one until the kids are grown.
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 11:22 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • It's never a good idea to stay together because of the kids. You deserve better. Your constant stress from him isn't good for you or your kids. It can be emotionally draining. You could also try a separation. It might be a wake up call for him and you.
    sadira29

    Answer by sadira29 at 11:24 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • It's been 14 years and if he hasn't changed yet it's because 1. this is who he is or 2. you haven't laid out in a direct way (not complaining, explaining) what you expect from him 3. or you have and he isn't listening. One thing I think you should think about is that it is more harmful to a child to have a father that is there physically and not emotionally than for him to not be there at all.  Also think about your own happiness.

    nateandlo

    Answer by nateandlo at 11:35 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • First, I think you need to look deep inside yourself. Do you honestly still love him? Are you happier and more "relaxed" when he's NOT around. Do you miss sleeping in the same bed with him, or do you prefer your space? Is there any way he may be having an affair?
    Look at your life and your children's lives 5 years from now...Where do YOU want to be? Where do you want THEM to be? How do your children react to him when he IS at home? Happy? Indifferent? It is true that some marriages can work for the sake of the kids, but 9 times out of 10, once they're old enough, a divorce is pending. Do you want to spend the next 5 or 10 years trying to make a marriage work when you truly don't "feel" that it can any longer? Or would you rather focus on your children and raising them to be strong, emotionally stable adults? I think deep down you know the answers, but you're afraid to act on them. Pray for Guidance from God....Don't be
    lighthousemom3

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 11:38 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

  • afraid to do what YOU need to do. Your children look to you as their role model. What are they seeing? Sweetie, don't rush into any decision, and don't go it alone....find a friend or counselor you can trust, build up your self-esteem, and focus on loving your kids. When the time's right for you to go, you'll know. Without regrets, without remorse,....you'll know. God Bless and Take Care of yourself.
    lighthousemom3

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 11:39 PM on Jun. 9, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
Friends

Next question overall (Hobbies & Crafts)
Tempered glass mosaics