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FTWM with no time to clean

Well i work full time from 9-5 out of the house by 7:30 in the morning. I have no time to clean or do anything with my life i have i get home from work close to 6pm and then have to start cooking get done by 8pm eat dinner put my DD to sleep its almost 9pm. My SO hardly helps me do anything like dishes unless i beg, no mopping sweeping nutting. I dont know what to do anymore, my house looks like a tornato ran threw it and i have about 40 loads of laundry.. HELP what can i DO????? Im tired i dont wanna cook. please help me with advise. AND my SO calls ME lazy.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:49 AM on Jun. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • I have the same problem...and I have no SO. I have to just wait for weekends and my son and I clean together.
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 9:51 AM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • we only have one car and now that it is nice out and he has no DL he wants to go everywhere and not be stuck in the house then there goes my weekends as well. I might as well be single after all this S***.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:56 AM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • Can you afford a housekeeper? They're cheaper than a divorce! This is like the classic woman's struggle. Even if you work full time, the "woman" chores fall on you! If he's going to be like that, I'd make sure he's doing his "guy" stuff! I just got lucky that my husband knows how demanding our baby is so he helps out and cuts me some slack as long as he sees I'm making an effort. But I don't work. Since you both have jobs and you both have your child, he needs to pull his weight. Can you sit down with him and divide the chores? He has a really dated and impractical view on housekeeping- there's a lot of articles online about this problem and good advice on getting through to your guy.
    mrs_pulley

    Answer by mrs_pulley at 9:56 AM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • there is no way i can afford a housekeeper i wish i could, No he doesnt even do his chores take out garbage anything like that. I have tried to say something and when i do his excuse is thats your job and that he works harder then i do, we works in warehouse and i am a sec. but that mean anything, and he also states that if he starts doing stuff im not going to do anything. In 4 years he has not cooked and if i dont cook we dont eat. i dont know what to do anymore. Today we have been togeter 4 years and i am so confused. If print something out liek that all i will get is well thats not me and blah blah blah.... UGHHHHHHHHh
    greeneyemommy

    Answer by greeneyemommy at 10:05 AM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • Question? is he working..cuz if not theres no excuse for this...if your the one working he needs to do his best to help..if hes working to and equally tired as you are...then i would say make a list of what needs to be done, the two of you split it..and try to do one thing everyday....start a load when you walk in the door, finish it after you eat dinner...pick up room by room...stuff collects quickly..and it took my SOs co-worker talking crap about his wife to realize how bad he had gotten himself..now hes pretty good at helping out every now and then!!!
    sweetstkissez22

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 10:07 AM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • Okay since your doing all of this on your own? could you afford to down size and seperate!!!??? my SO works OUTSIDE for 11 hours a day..sometimes more..in 93 degree wet humid heat!!! and still comes home plays with the baby so i can cook and hell help with the dishes later, it sounds like you do EVERYTHING anyway..if thats the case you dont NEED him around?! what is he doing for u to keep you with him and happy NOTHING! so seperate! maybe he'll get the hint, if not then you know what to do from there hun!!
    And so what if he does physical labor, what you do is mentally exausting..soooo, dealing with everything else adds to your stress....stress kills...its not worth it!!!
    sweetstkissez22

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 10:12 AM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • thats is the question i have been dealing with why am i still here.. well my DD loves her daddy is sad when hes not there, he plays with the baby but nuttin really more then that, if im cooking i dont want her in the kitchen but he will let her be in there and nt care. . After i cook the dishes stay there and i have to clean them the next day when i am going to cook or he does it pulling teeth and everything. At times i think about leaving but i dont think i could find a place, then again i never looked. Call me crazy but i love him and yes i do think about leaving everyday, and i wish i could do it to make him change but i know he wont and i dont wanna see him with someone else but at times i dont wanna be with him as well. Sorry for rambling on its just got me so confused that i am going crazy.
    greeneyemommy

    Answer by greeneyemommy at 10:31 AM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • i just want to add he is a excellent father makes her bottle while i am changing her diaper getting her pj's on, in the morning i have to wake her and get ther dressed get me dressed while he lays down. lol wow do i sound so condrdicting.(lol how ever you spell it) but he is a wonder father if noting more then that.
    greeneyemommy

    Answer by greeneyemommy at 10:34 AM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • This may be way out there, but is there any way you could reduce your hours at work? I know you are probably working for benefits but maybe you could shorten your lunch hours & take off one afternoon a week? If your baby is in daycare, you could have the time to yourself to do a major house cleaning. I think you need someone neutral to help your DH see that life can't go on like this. If you can't afford a counselor, maybe a minister or clergy person? Also, I would look into the housekeep thing. I know you said you can't afford it but maybe if you reworked your budget, you can find one for once a month? Or maybe just a one time cleaning to help you get caught up?
    funnyface1204

    Answer by funnyface1204 at 10:54 AM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • You might find an enterprising teenager who would do some housework for you at a lower rate than a professional cleaner, or you might look into having someone come and do only specific tasks every 2 weeks (I have a lady come in and do just my floors and bathrooms every 2 weeks). For laundry I bought a divided hamper and have trained everyone in the house to put their clothes into the correct section (if it's not in the hamper it doesn't get washed). I usually dump a load in the washer on my way out the door in the morning, and then I throw it in the dryer while I'm cooking dinner and fold it in front of the tv after the babies are in bed. I don't know how you make a husband pull his weight, but you can try sitting down together and making a list of all the chores that keep your home running (be sure to include all the stuff he doesn't realize even has to be done), and then divide the chores up together.
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 11:13 AM on Jun. 10, 2009

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