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Curious

As my autistic son gets older,I notice fewer and fewer people,especially kids,want to associate with him.So I ask,do you encourage your child to be friends with kids like mine,discourage it,or is it a non issue?From what I've seen of school activities,the parents will discourage their kids to play with mine if they think I'm not looking,both at school and on the playground at the park.Share with me and all us mom's of handicapped kids.Not trying to be a troll,seriously.I just want to know what the parents of "normal" kids are thinking when they see a child like mine.Are you maybe a little scared of them?Afraid they might act out?Other?Please share.

 
TMJ121099

Asked by TMJ121099 at 10:40 AM on Jun. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Level 7 (186 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • To be completely honest my kids ages 11 & 4 haven't had too much experience being around other children with Autism or any other disability. I know I have taught my kids to be friendly to all and to try to find the good in all no matter how they may appear on the outside.

    I'm sorry your son is losing his friends but who I'm more sorry for are the kids who are either no longer friends of your son's or thru the ignorance of their parents are missing out on one hell of a friend. I had a cousin who was deaf and when we were young kids would often tease and down right humiliate her due to the fact that she couldn't hear like they could. Thur test my aunt and uncle found out that she could hear on some level so they decided to get her a hearing aid and my cousin was soooo excited. She just knew the other kids would like her now and want to be her friend so she ran out to play with them and they took one look at her hearing..
    Ladybugkisses76

    Answer by Ladybugkisses76 at 12:41 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • I encourage my children to be friends with everyone. To me, it just doesn't matter. But then, I was raised with a cousin who had severe mental & physical handicaps so it was never anything "strange" to me. I am a bit worried that my children might say something ackward but I know my kids well enough to know that they are not cruel children & anything they do say will be asked out of curiosity, not a desire to be mean. I try to answer all their questions honestly & kindly & encourage them to make friends. My son is speech delayed & had a hard time making friends in kindergarden b/c the other kids couldn't understand him. So I do understand, in a way, how frustrating it can be to watch other parents & kids shun your child. Do you think you might inadvertently be turning people off by trying to protect your child? Some Moms are so worried about their kids getting hurt, they put up emotional walls.
    funnyface1204

    Answer by funnyface1204 at 10:47 AM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • I dunno. I let my kids play with whomever basically (won't let them play with kids who are obviously just misbehaving because they can). Then again, I have autism and know how hard the life of a child with autism is.
    purpleducky

    Answer by purpleducky at 10:47 AM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • This is a good question. My daughter recently got scared of a 16 year old boy at my work (mom brings him in sometimes) that has autism. You can tell he is very smart, but he does not speak and he'll rock back & forth & laugh at nothing. Sweet, sweet boy, but my daughter REFUSED to sit in the conference room & watch TV with him. I was really embarrassed as i am friends with this boys mother. I could not force my daughter to sit in there with him, and I'm not sure why she was scared. She is 7, she has been around handicapped children before. I did try and encourage her to just go sit in there, & be friendly. I told her he doesn't even talk, all you have to do is smile & say hi. Anyway, i was kind of stumped as to what to tell her. But, i personally do NOT tell my child to stay away from them. I tried to get her to hang out with him, i wish i knew something better to say to her. Any advice?

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:52 AM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • That's just sad. My children also have special needs and I have seen the same thing happen. Thankfully, at school, they are in a group of children they have known for several years and the school administration makes a point to the kids of including everyone. My oldest daughter is typically developing and makes friends with anyone, as a matter of fact she is seriously considering special ed. as a career.

    I remember as a child my younger sister being shuned because of her epilepsy. Her sezures were controled and she never had one in school or even during the day. Kids would be her friend until the parents found out about the disorder and then they would forbid the kid from playing with my sister.

    To funnyface-blaming the parent of the autistic child-sure blame the parent, like we don't have enough guilt. Prejudice is the fault of the one showing it no one else!
    teamquinn

    Answer by teamquinn at 10:54 AM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • I want my son when hes old enough to be friends with everyone!! but from experience, i have had some off the wall experiences with mentally handicaped children..in school esp...in walmart quite often...experiences that made me uncomfortable and think twice before i get too close...like..theyre REALLY grabby..i had one boy that used to chase me down the hall way and try to grab my boobs..i always wondered if he knew better or even so maybe he was just learning about sex..but same thing in Walmart..my SO thought it was kinda funny...i DID NOT! his entire family had some kinda handicap so i felt awful, but i dont wanna be groped!!! my BFF was terrified of the special needs kids in school, never knew why though..some people are just truly bothered by it...others have had bad experiences..but i want my son to treat everyone equally until they give a reason to be treated as otherwise!
    sweetstkissez22

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 11:21 AM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • I have and I will encourage my children to play with all kinds of child...
    Black, White, Purple, Brown. autistic (my DD age 5 has PDD, mild form of autism, my skid age 7 was had a stroke a birth, she is partially disabled on right side)
    I want to and try my best to raise my children to not be bullies...
    We all have feelings and we all are people.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 11:27 AM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • i feel like i cant tell my kids who they can be friends with, they either like someone or they dont, but at the same time i would beat the hell out of my kid if i found out he was making fun of any kid or being mean to a kid....i mean that is something you just dont do....to anyone, they wouldnt like it....i would encourage a friendship with someone with austism or anyother disabilities because they are people to and yeah they might be different but who isnt different, but i cant force them to be friends with anyone
    Mamaof2boys0709

    Answer by Mamaof2boys0709 at 11:53 AM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • I let my kids be friends with anyone they want, as long as the age gap isn't too much, and the other child isn't a troublemaker. If my kids want to be friends with someone who is autistic or has another mental condition, developmental delay, funny color hair/skin, whatever, they can do that. I don't encourage or discourage, simply b/c I want my kids to make their own choices when it comes to friends, and I also found that with my kids, if I encourage something, like a particular friendship, then they want to know why, and if i explain that some people wouldn't be friends with that person, and then there's more whys. I'd rather they pick their friend b/c they want to be friends with them rather than b/c mom told them that other people wouldn't be friends with that person and now they feel sorry for them. I don't know if that made sense, I know what I meant to say. lol
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 12:08 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • i see this alot in a small town...but i have found out in school when the handicapped child is older his classmates will often step in and sheild them. my friends son is autism and right now he is in kindergarten and kids and parnets can be cruel...but he has a few friends who dont listen to their parents who sheild him form the other kids. my dd doesnt have problem playing with him. she asks questions like y cant he talk mommy? and i just say b/c he sick and one day he will talk in his own way. when they play together they have their own language that only the two of them understand....
    rainmommy

    Answer by rainmommy at 12:27 PM on Jun. 10, 2009