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what to do about step kids?

Not sure if I have enough space so going to try to cram this in. Recently my husband filed for child support on his ex. They have been D for 5 years now and she has not paid a cent for her kids. all she does is pick them up twice a month for the weekend. he finally got tired of it and filed. well she called cussing him out for filing and its a war now. sucky thing is the kids aare with her right now for summer visitation. this girl is the biggiest liar i know. she has brain washed the kids into thinking that we are trying to take them from her all because she dont want to pay like 100 bucks for her kids. then she brought my two kids into it and husband got pissed. we see them for fathers day in a few weeks and i dont know how to act because i knwo they are going to hate us all of a sudden.. any suggestions? this sucks because mystep daughter and i finally got a good bond and now its broken. she is a bad mom

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:19 AM on Jun. 10, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (4)
  • OP
    and acts like she is mother of the year. she like will get them and drop them off to her families while she goes and parties. then she lies and tells everyone she has them and there father is a dead beat dad. its really ridiculous. i try to be a sweet as i can but now im just so upset because i know how she lies and the kids wont even hardly talk to their dad on teh phone now. she like cuses him out in the background making fun of him and the kids dont even want to talk because they are so scared she is going to flip out on them. how do i act when i see them next? i just dont know how to handle this. i mean these kids i feel are mine i have had them since they were 2 and 5...? and now i feel so torn because of what she is doing to them? i wish my husband would just take her to court and get full custody so we could put an end to her altogether..sorry so long just need advice!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:25 AM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • OP
    I have been raising them the past 5 years.. mom lives out of town and i do everything..award shows, school parties, activities..the whole works..she never even asks about school or their grades or anything... and she told my husband that its not her fault he went off and had two more kids with another woman and now her kids are suffering.. that is so stupid they were Seperated/D for almost ayear before we meet and i have a two yr old and one on the way.. how dare her act like a victim in all this..she is the one that cheated on him with multiple men
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:28 AM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • Wow... long question.

    The answer is super-short: love them.

    You can't control her crazy behaviour and it's not your job to suggest it's good or bad. In fact, talking about their mom isn't worth your time. Don't stop them from talking about her, but only look interested while they're talking -- don't get into it. You don't want to end up in the trap she's in, of playing one against the other with the kids suffering in the middle.

    Yes, she's nuts. Her children will come to know that. What goes around truly does come around -- one day she may find she has no children willing to talk to her. You don't think for a moment that she is only vile and critical and lying all the time about you and your dh, do you? Betcha a dollar she's doing exactly the same thing with and among her children.

    Trust that they have the brains of a caterpillar and will (in their own time) see her for who she really is.

    Be the mature example.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 12:03 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • I agree w/ Linda. Dont waste ur time stressing out about it. This is hard but just let the kids know u r there if they need a hug or need to chat. Maybe take them out individually once in a while to do something u both will like & be willing to listen to them whenever they feel like talking. Keep up the good work of being involved w/ their schooling & life. Encourage ur DH to take her to court (if this is the best path in ur opinion) but dont get upset if he decides against it. Present ur reasons why to do that & explain u dont want ur children to suffer b/c of her behavior. U know ur a good mom & I'm sure all ur friends/family realize this women is nuts so they know ur a good mom too so dont get worried about her saying things to other ppl if they have half a brain they'll realize shes crazy. The kids will grow up & realize this too I did & I grew up in a very similar situation like ur stepkids. Just love them & be there.
    Mel30248

    Answer by Mel30248 at 1:33 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

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