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What are women shelters really like?

I want to leave my SO he hasn't actually hit me in a long time but he treats me awful. Says mean things threatens me, he's a dead beat dad even though he's in the house he doesn't do anything but maybe play with the kids for about 20mins. a day. I have no where to go no family can take me in. I'm sure they would welcome me but they have no room.I know the YMCA rent rooms to male maybe the YWCA rents them to women? I really don't want to go to a shelter, one bed room with beds and tons of strangers. I have 3 kids and pregnant with a 4th. I want to move closer to family (far away from SO) so once I drive off there no coming back, I want to know what I'm in for.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:42 PM on Jun. 10, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I work in social services and have worked in women's shelters in my past. I like to think of them as a big obnoxious college dorm: for the most part crowded (often times you have to share a room with another family), loud, the food is (usually) pretty sub-par, you have to endure the daily comments and actions of people whom you do not agree with, and there are a lot of rules you must follow - BUT, It's a safe, temporary place to be. The couselors there will help you get on your own two feet so that you and your children can be safe and happy. Abuse does not have to be physical - and sometimes it's the non-physical abuse that leaves the worst scars. Save your children from having to live with a man like that. A few days, weeks, or months in a shelter is worth it when considering how fucked up your kids may become staying in the situation you're in. Good luck, and stay strong.
    PotatoMama

    Answer by PotatoMama at 4:32 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • but at least he wouldn't be able to come into the womens shelter. They normally have a key pad and an intercom for people and wouldn't let him in. If you go talk to someone at your devision of family services they can get you at least a visit to one so hat you can decide if you want to go there.
    ajguinn

    Answer by ajguinn at 12:44 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • I had to stay in one for a while before I had kids because I had no money, no job and no family to help me out. It sucked big time. But, it is a safe place. If you want further info., send me a PM and I'll tell ya whatever you want to know about my experience. I just called social services and they got me into a shelter that same day.
    truthteller0722

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 12:48 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • The Julian Center in Down Town Indy is FABULOUS!!! My son went there for therapy. They offer all sorts of assistance. Including rides, buss passes, day care, counseling, schooling, job placement, and single family rooms! They are the best I have found, I have referred some of my students families there and a few friends. They all got what they needed. I hope that helps. Good Luck!!!
    luvbnmomnwife

    Answer by luvbnmomnwife at 12:52 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • YWCA used to rent to women only I can only assume they still do but not sure if they take children. You'd have to call. The shelter I was in wasn't bad. It was on the 8th floor of the old YWCA building (kids could be in the shelter but not in the floors where the "guests" lived). The rooms were as large as my apt at home so it wasn't crowded. I love those old buildings with large rooms! I worked and the kids went to school in the day so we only had to stay there at night. there was always a daily chore which wasn't terrible and everyone knew why everyone was there so we didn't have to hide anything about what's up. I had to stay there twice and both were ok experiences. To me it was like staying in a motel. If he is not hitting you then perhaps you can talk to a domestic violence shelter counselor and make arrangements with their help to move away and get section 8 housing near your family without actually going to the shelter
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:54 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • There is no privacy really...and many strangers, but...it's ok. The one I was at only allowed you there for a month. And, you had to be up at a certain time, wash your clothes on a certain day and time. They also had a curfew 10:00. You had to be inside and going to bed. You also had to be actively searching for a job and a place to stay. If you were really trying and still hadn't found a place, they would extend your stay. They also have counselors and classes and other people come in to help to get you help and anything you need.
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 1:02 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • I've never stayed at one, but I volunteer at a women's shelter. There is definitely a lack of privacy and some do not allow children. If you are concerned with the wellbeing of yourself and your children, then I would contact your county's Social/Children's Services office and ask them for assistance. That is what they are there for and can give you some advice and guidance.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:21 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • OH MY GOODNESS IN BERGEN COUNTY, NJ. THE WOMANS SHELTER IS AN APARTMENT WITH 1 OR 2 BEDROOMS, AND NORMALLY BEFORE YOU GO THERE THEY PUT YOU IN A HOTEL. GOOD LUCK.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:29 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • They are not that bad. I would investigate and find out all you can so that you can be ready if you have to go. Be prepared for it by packing an emergency bag and hide it from him. This stuff affects you going forward, so don't stay.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:58 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • I wouldn't go unless you are actually being abused. Your kids do not need to be exposed to people who have really been beaten up.
    From my experience, they come with you to court and tell you how to manipulate the court system to screw over your ex.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:31 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

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