Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How do you discipline a 10 year old boy with ADHD and ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder). My step-grandson (now adopted son) is extremely defiant with my husband and me and is quite belligerant, abusive and threatening. Nothing we do seems to work. We take away privileges (allowances, tv time, computer, etc.) Any other ideas? Thanks!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:00 PM on Jun. 10, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (20)
  • Talk to his doctor about changing his meds. They are not working accd. to what u have written- when kids get older the dose sometimes has to be adjusted.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:01 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • I have no idea what "ODD" is, but it sounds pretty made up by some of these head doctors now for an excuse to bill the shit out of insurance. Make him do chores, pop the titty out of his mouth and give the kid some damn discipline! a 10 year old "threatening you"? My son would have his ass busted and grounded for that one along with some hard core chores!

    Answer by Starfire73 at 2:18 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • First of all, as the mother of an ADHD/ODD kid, my heart goes out to you. My son will be 26, a lot more research has been done since I went thru this. I know this sounds crazy, but have you had his eyes checked? My son got glasses at the age of 10, and it helped a lot. Next, is he on medication? We spent years in therapy also. (Sometimes I think more for me than him!) At one point I actually stripped his room down to the bare walls. He had a bed and a dresser. That was all. He had to earn back everything. If he was rude, disrespectful, or defiant (knowingly after rules were set), out they went again. Remember, ADHD/ODD kids are very smart...and it's a lot of work keeping one step ahead of them! Good Luck..and also check with a support group in your area. There wasn't anything like that 25 yrs ago, but I am told there is now.

    Answer by BethInSoCal at 2:23 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • To BethinSoCal
    Yes, he has had glasses for 3 years now. My son is my adopted step-grandson. He has alot of issues to do his mom being addicted to drugs when she was pregnant with him and then being abandoned by the father and the state taking custody from the mother and placing him with us. Now, I am the strict disciplinarian in the household. My dh is not. I have "busted his ass" as stated in one of the other posts. I have done everything to no avail as dh will not support my actions, nor discipline himself! He says that "he's being a typical boy!". And, yes, he started meds about 3 months ago and is due for a med review this month. We also have him set up for counseling to start in August. I have a list of chores for him to do, but dh, again, goes against it! Even the teachers are exasperated! We had his IEP yesterday and we were told just how rude he can be in school. Zac has said: "I like to break the rules."

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:34 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • Seems like he's searching for so much attention,poor guy has been thru a lot.My son acts like that sometimes, I recently had him tested for any type of disorder, which we will be getting the results back by the 19th of this month.When I finally had enough of the bad reports and decided something had to be done, I got him into counseling once a week by himself, then I have a person come to our house once a week for family counseling. I focus on him a lot more.We go to church,I involve him in sports.I let him know I am here for him, no matter how he acts because I love him.It has been hard work but you know what,its paying off.He has struggles dealing with his father and I divorcing and this is how he was acting out.Kids have strange ways of coping.It takes a lot on our part to understand.Good Luck to you, your husband and your new son.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:55 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • Have you ever heard of emotional detachment disorder? You might want to ask your peditrician if he's been misdiagnosed and to point you in the direction of a qualified clinician.

    Answer by BethInSoCal at 6:43 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • Yes! I have heard of that, but never even thought that that could be an issue. Thanks for informing me. I will definitely let the pediatrician know. I know that in August he'll be going through a battery of tests ---Speech, OT, Neuro, psych, etc. so they can pin-point exactly what we're dealing with and to help all of us in the family. These sessions are long. Two of them are 6 hours each! But, again, thanks so much for your help, Beth.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:16 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • ODD is a real disorder and a very hard one to control. If your grandson isn't in therapy, he needs to be. He needs help, not only from meds, but from a trained behavior therapist. DO NOT hit him, yell at him, over punish him. HE CANNOT HELP what he is doing. He needs lots of love and patience. It wouldn't hurt for the whole family to go through counseling to learn how to deal with your grandson's issues. I wish you the best luck.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:42 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • Remember always...You ARE THE PARENT..and no matter how mad, pissed off, defiant or belligerant you child becomes...the one thing that always works..'I'm the Mommy, I said SO' !!!!!

    Answer by BethInSoCal at 3:00 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • "He cannot help it" Oh PULEASE!!!!!

    Answer by Starfire73 at 4:51 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.