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Too many kids/so little time?

DO you think that people who have children back to back (more than 2) miss out? Not the parents, but the kids? Are they able to reach their full potential because of the amount of time mom and dad have to spread out of a lot of kids?
Personal example: I used to live next door to a very sweet woman who had 4 (all 5 and under). Her daughter (3) seemed to suffer the most neglect. She is now 4 and still can not spell her name, know her numbers, or letters. Not because she is incapable, but because the mother said they just don't have the time to sit with her and teach her. She has also worn the same outfit for a week straight and allowed to eat mayo for dinner (yes, just mayo, in a cup, with a spoon). This is not the direct result of having alot of kids very quickly, but the mother said she didn't have a lot of time to spend with each one so they all suffer to some degree. What do you think? Do you have several close in age?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:23 PM on Jun. 10, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • There were six kids in my family. I don't remember my mother ever playing a game with me. My childhood memories of her were her cleaning and looking tired all of the time. On the plus side it is kind of nice to have all the brother and sisters to play with. I think maybe she missed out more than we did. She never really got to enjoy having kids, it was all work work work.
    MACY7108

    Answer by MACY7108 at 6:35 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • I had my daughters further apart so they would get individual attention, but I do know several moms that have their children close together and many of them are very good at spending time equally with them and making sure they all get the attention they need and deserve. The situation described above seems very sad to me, and although she may be a very sweet woman, it appears to me that her time management skills have a lot to be desired. That sounds like neglect to me, not to mention unhealthy.
    MansfieldMomma

    Answer by MansfieldMomma at 6:27 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • my grandma did.11 in 20 years! All the kids now complain about no mommy time,and they were more babysitters than just kids.
    TMJ121099

    Answer by TMJ121099 at 6:28 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • I only have 2 children, both boys, 23 months apart, and that's all I'll ever have. My husband and I spoil them with tons of love and attention--I promised to give them more than I had as a child. I was an only child raised by a very mean and selfish single mother (never knew my dad), and my mother couldn't find enough ways to get rid of me!

    So I believe it is the QUALITY of the attention, not the QUANTITY that counts. There are families with more than a dozen children, who are all cared for and loved unconditionally, and then there are cases like mine where even as the only child I was constantly ignored or made to feel I was always in the way!
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 6:29 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • I think it depends on how far apart they are and how many children there are. Two seems manageable, but 5?? You're supposed to space your children out 2 years just to give your own body a break and a chance to recuperate between pregnancies, and it helps that your baby gets to be a baby for a while.
    It's not something I would do, and I think people that have lots of kids within a narrow time frame have it really hard.
    motherofanaries

    Answer by motherofanaries at 6:43 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • No. I find that people are very judgmental about how many kids others have, and I'm not really sure why. You don't know their reasons, and you don't know how the kids really are. I find many people claim the grass is greener if they grew up with siblings close together, but the I hear many people wish they had more siblings. A mom with 5 kids under 5 can choose to sit down with her children and mother them. I have seen it. I have seen crappy examples of moms with 4 kids, and crappy examples of moms with one kid. It depends on the mom, not how many kids she has. I mean, if the number of kids is inhibiting her bonding with the others, then you could extend that to say that all moms who work have kids who lack something from mom. Since this obviously isn't true, I can't see how this argument about too many kids holds up, either.
    apexmommy

    Answer by apexmommy at 9:04 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • I have 5 kids. My youngest are only 13 months apart. The rest are spaced farther apart. I would not have two that close ever again because it is hardest when they are little. As for time, I have plenty of time with each of them. I have never heard a complaint. I don't really think it is my business to judge what others do as far as family planning is concerned. To each their own.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 10:22 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • I think its ones own personal preference, however... if there comes a time when a child or children are being neglected and not being taken care of properly then, something is not right.
    I have a 4 and 1/2 year old and am pregnant with #2 and my big concern was that she got her own time, now that I am about to have another that doesn't mean her time ends, but we made ourselves available for her firsts and made tons of memories as a family of 3 and now she couldn't more excited to meet her baby brother! bottom line, some people can and some can't handle it.. I think its a personal decision but whatever the decision the children that are existing or possible child's needs must come first!
    Mom2Meredith

    Answer by Mom2Meredith at 11:00 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • i have 3 relatively close (and im pregnant with a 4th) my first two are 13 months apart, and my youngest is almost 3years younger and i have never really had a hard time making sure they each get their special attention. the only time any of them have worn something for a week was when my oldest refused to not wear a certain costume everyday (i had to sneak and wash it at night) and they always get their meals. and i spend lots of time with them (thankfully mine love to help so i even get spend time with them while cleaning) i personally love have mine close together.
    tiffanyv123

    Answer by tiffanyv123 at 6:50 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • We live in a neighborhood with many large families (5-10 kids). None are as you described. You described a neglected child and a mother desperatly in need of professional help.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 1:01 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

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