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It hurts so bad...

My SO of 5 years told me last night 1. That he loves our DD but only loves me SOMETIMES. 2. That he doesn't have feelings and never has 3. That we can be a family just not be together. 4. That he can't stand me most of the time. 5. That he is not happy and has never been happy.

I of course was pitiful...Just kept asking WHY?? through my tears. So today he takes it all back. Says he was just in a bad mood, and he was taking it out on me. YOU CANT TAKE THAT KIND OF SHIT BACK!! I'm not in the position to go anywhere...but I can't even look at him right now, I'm hurt, sad, I feel like I have wasted the past 5 years of my life. What can I do to feel better??


Asked by Anonymous at 6:28 PM on Jun. 10, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • 1. YOU ARE NOT PITIFUL....I know very few women who would have reacted any differently. I think your reaction was normal, and well within reason. 2. Men are sometimes heartless and say things when they are mad which in childish and completely inexcusable. 3. Saying he takes it back is juvenile and thoughtless.
    He may feel guilty for the things he said to you and how much he hurt you (as he DAMN well should) but it cannot be erased. Hurtful things like that tend to linger even when we are told that they didn't mean it. We usually forget the sweet things that are done or said, but the bad ones last FOREVER!!!! Been with my DH for 13 years total and can still remember word for word some of the hurtful things he has said in the past.
    You need to take some time and do something nice for yourself and also tell him that what he did was hateful and spiteful..everyone gets mad, he needs to learn to deal and work it out.

    Answer by MansfieldMomma at 6:34 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • Hey, I just wanted to say, I've been through GOING through it.....please, please, please don't hesitate to send me a message if you need someone to talk to who can understand....I could use an ear too!

    Answer by sophiafarris at 6:32 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • cont'd....
    Eventually the hurt will lessen, but it will be in the back of your mind for a while. You should try to sit and have a heart to heart with him. but I would certainly wait until both of you have cooled off so it does not get heated and more hurtful things are spewed. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with this, I know personally how difficult and heartbreaking it is and how bleak things look, but it CAN turn around and if you talk to him and work at it together it WILL. Good luck hon, and if you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me. *hugs*

    Answer by MansfieldMomma at 6:37 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • I am the one who feels/felt this way about my ex-fiance. I broke his heart. Sometimes, you try to stay in a relationship for the kid, even though it's not what you're supposed to do. You think you're situation is different even though it's not. And you want to be a neuclear family or "normal" family because you don't want your kid being raised out of 2 homes like you're divorced. But... in the end, you can't stay with somebody because you don't love them. And if you don't love them, it's not fair to anyone to stay in the relationship. It's phony and dishonest. I had to end it with my ex because I never loved him, I got pregnant on a rebound. He was so in love with me and wanted it to work out. But I just didn't feel the same way. Maybe your situation is totally different than mine but it sounds to me like your boyfriend is trying to get out but doesn't know how and so he took allt he words back because he's afraid to leave.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:37 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • Also when I try to actually have a discussion...he will tell me to shut my mouth, and go to bed. Or shut the hell up! Does anyone else get treated this way or am I the only one??

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:38 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • cont from anon above... it will always be in the back of your mind. I still never forgave my ex for wanting me and pressuring me to have an abortion and making me cry every single day for weeks until I told him no and to get over it and that I was having the baby. I will never forgive him for that even though he's said sorry a million times and is a wonderful father to our son now... some words cannot be forgiven.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:40 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • DH will sometimes get all bent out of shape when I try to talk to him and tell me to shut up or go away too...not only does that usually start my waterworks but I get SO furious that I start shaking. I used to stay and try to get him to be civil and talk to me anyway, but I have given up on that and now I just try to talk to him a day or two after we have a disagreement...sometimes that seems to work a bit better. Then again sometimes he says that I "can't ever seem to let things go"....DAMN STRAIGHT! He needs to man up when he has been a Love em, but don't always like em....

    Answer by MansfieldMomma at 6:47 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • Men can be so stupid sometime. Words do hurt but if he really felt that way he would NOT have stayed this long. At any time he could have found him a woman and left you but he stayed. I don't think he meant a word of it. ...but in case he did...spit in his food! LOL make him make it up to you for the rest of his life!

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:51 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • Wow, if my Dh said something like that to me I would have told him to hit the road. Maybe he still should. Some time apart might do a lot of good for you two. It will help you decide how you really feel about each other. There is nothing like the only man in your life making you feel like you have wasted your life in 5 minutes. That guy is lucky to have you if he is still in your house. Keep your head held high and good luck.

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 7:12 PM on Jun. 10, 2009