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I could wring my hubby's neck!!

My husband has been out of work for 51 days this year. B4 u say anything, there's more. He has given little effort & certainly not on a daily basis to even try to find anything. He doesn't set his alarm when he goes to bed & just sleeps blissfully until I leave for work. He has worked here & there, nothing permanent. He does nothing to contribute to our household expenses. The money he has made, he could not even support just himself on. I pay all of the bills, clean & do laundry. He knows what the bills are but I can't trust him to pay them or pay them in the right order. When I get home, I ask him what he's done all day& he has no problem saying "nothing". It's just us at home. My child is grown. I am at my wits end. I have yelled, cried, screamed & threatened. When it gets to him, he tells me to shut up! If I still don't talk, he will try to hug up on me or make jokes for me to smile. I don't know what to do!! Help!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:34 PM on Jun. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • You have to make a choice keep him and support him or toss him out. I would tell him he is now in charge of laundry and cleaning. He has to realize he needs to do something. If he realizes you are not going to put up with him any longer he might decide to help around the house..
    MACY7108

    Answer by MACY7108 at 6:40 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • YIKES!!!!! That's a tough one...what if you look in the paper and circle ads for him? (I know, like you already don't have enough on your plate....sorry) But maybe that would embarrass him a bit and get him to put some effort into it. And maybe stop doing things for him...cook for yourself, do your dishes and laundry, and if he says something just tell him that you already contribute everything else and don't feel that being an indentured servant as well is part of the deal anymore, unless he steps up. I dunno...probably not ideas that are very helpful, but that's all I got.
    MansfieldMomma

    Answer by MansfieldMomma at 6:43 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • you can do to him what many women on this website have to do. domesticate him. if your the working woman then hes the sahd and thats that. he should have chores to complete and errands to run. Like reverse the rolls of a typical home. You can be in charge of paying bills and working and he can be the house husband...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:44 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • Like you said, you have yelled, cried, screamed, and threatened... it's time to carry out whatever threats you've made. When you threaten someone and don't carry out your threat, you can easily become a doormat.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:44 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • Well I definitely wouldn't put up with him not contributing in any way. Either you're going to support him or set a deadline for him to find another job. I definitely wouldn't sit back and let him be on vacation while you're taking care of business in and out the house. If you don't give him a deadline and tell him what you expect from him you really can't complain.
    davkdz3

    Answer by davkdz3 at 6:45 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • check out plentyofish.com
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:49 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • OP here ~ You know, I do feel like a doormat and I feel used. And it makes it VERY hard for me to have romantic feelings for him. I have done a resume for him, typed responses to ads he's interested in and made so many suggestions on how to get "out there". He knows how to talk in circles tho, i.e. told me he had a message from a staffing agency on Friday, he called her back and she told him to call Monday, Monday he calls & goes in for an appt. & "gets" a job, calls me to tell me & does nothing the rest of the day because he has a job! Tuesday 6 a.m., he's gone & home by 9 a.m. as I'm leaving. Apparently, they aren't ready to start the job so he has to call the staffing agency back. Tuesday is filled with 2 phone calls. (he has to wait for her to call back) Today he says, oh well, I guess they're not starting the job. No call, he just says whatever. That took up 4 days so far, now 5. He's also good at talking in circles!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:00 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • kick him out for awhile. your doing everything, he's doing nothing. he's just dead weight adding to your stress and workload.
    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 7:01 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • don't do his laundry or cook for him. teach him a lesson he doesn't take care of you so don't take care of him. turn off his cable and cell phone internet etc all his fun stuff like a kid I don't know do trastic. telling your renting a room out lol
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:03 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • OP again ~ plentyoffish.com is an ONLINE DATING service!! That's so disrespectful!! We're married!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:04 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

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