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I have a 14 yr old son whose father (my ex) gave him a broken used train set for Christmas that he bought on Craig's List. My son was very hurt and upset. He gave my daughter Rock Band. My son would tell me how upset he was about this, but not his Dad. Yet when Mother's Day came, my son made only a card with his blow pens. And today, my birthday, he hasn't even done that. My son does have the money for a gift, yet won't spend it. I know my son can't drive, but he could ask his older sister to take him to the store or help him in some way. His Dad was like this when we were married. Many occasions went by without mention. I have NEVER treated any of my three kids that way, nor did I treat their father like that. I know I'm the adult, but I do feel very hurt. Am I making too much of this? I feel he is old enough to understand. I know I'm the adult, but it does hurt. I know it's not about the gift, so how do I let this go? Do I?

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Asked by angel61055 at 7:04 PM on Jun. 10, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (5)
  • i would tell him that he doesnt have to go buy a gift but a homemade card or an acknowledgment would make you happy on special occasions like that. i would tell him that him not acknowledging your birthday made you feel how he did when his dad bought him a broken train set. just let him know its the thought of a homemade card or acknowledgment that truely counts.

    Answer by kelsey.evans08 at 7:07 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • if your daughter is old enough to take him to the store i would ask her to speak to him for you, its a little easier coming from the big sister than it is from mom about these kinds of things. i am the oldest of 5 and always remind my youngest brother when something is coming up b/c he's still a teenager and will forget these things, and he isn't allowed to work during the school year so if he needs help money wise i will help him out. just mention to your daughter that you were kinda hurt by the fact that your son didn't acknowledge your birthday and ask her to mention it to him for you.

    Answer by vabchmommy at 7:10 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • Talk to him directly (best line of communication is a straight line). Let him know that you were hurt that he didn't make you a card or do an act of kindness. You know what Dr. Phil says...."you teach people how to treat you". If he thinks it is not a "big deal" to you then it won't be a "big deal" to him either. Just mention it to him "I got my feelings hurt that you didn't acknowledge my birthday and I just wanted to let you know". Other than that, don't make a big deal. Just communicate the facts.

    Answer by momjs at 7:16 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • What did you tell him when he told you how he felt? Remember that he gets his cues on being a man, and how to treat women from BOTH of you.

    Yet when Mother's Day came, my son made only a card with his blow pens. And today, my birthday, he hasn't even done that.

    If I can read the disappointment from here, think of how he reads it in person. I know people always say 'it's the thought that counts', but if it's just a guilt ridden afterthought, it counts as well.


    Answer by MizKizzy at 8:36 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • You need to tell him how you feel, then maybe he will be able to tell his dad how he feels when his dad forgets or buys him broken things. He can't read your mind, tell him. Otherwise, he won't know that it bothers you. Tell him that he doesn't have to spend a lot of money, something like a homemade card, poem, a letter about how much he loves and appreciates you are the best. Also, he could make you dinner, cookies, etc.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:48 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

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