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do you hate your husband but only stay with him because of your child/children? my friend is with this guy he is so mean to her, but she wont leave him because he is the father of her kid and she feels her son needs this man in his life. i tell her that he can still be a part of the childs life, but he really is mean to her, shes not allowed to wear anything but sweat pants, no make up, no seeing friends unless he is with her, or he personally knows them, i have seen him grab her and squeeze her arms so tightly i swear it left bruises. she always tells me how much she hates him and wants out but she wont leave even if i tell her she and her son can stay with me and get a restraining order, she wont do anything and i dont know if i should keep trying to help or just let go since she doesnt seem to want the help!!!

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:17 PM on Jun. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • DV is an impossible subject when the woman won't leave. just support your friend when she's down, its all you can do.

    Answer by staciandababy at 9:20 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • She needs counseling or to consult with a spousal abuse organization.

    Answer by Bmat at 9:23 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • Sounds like she's scared. She may fear losing her son somehow. She may be terrified of the very thought of her little boy having to spend weekends with his father with her not around. She may fear for their lives. Maybe he's threatened her if she leaves or tells anyone. You hear about this all the time. Abused women stay in relationships for many reasons. Usually out of fear. There has to be some type of threat that he is holding over her that keeps her there. Maybe she's even too afraid to tell you.....
    Be there for her. Let her talk when she can. When she finally realizes that she has to get out for the safety of her and her son, she'll need you to be there to support her. Bless her heart.....I can only imagine what she's been going through. Battered women sometimes don't believe they deserve to be treated any better. It's all about mind games and control.....Please be her safety net when she falls. If she won't seek legal

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 9:23 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • legal advice or talk to law enforcement on her own, maybe you could do it for her. Just to know what rights she has as far as her son is concerned. Good Luck and God Bless. God be with you both....

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 9:24 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • lighthousemom3 has hit the nail on the head. I stayed with my abusive ex for several reasons, the main one being the kids. He also made me feel I deserved the treatment he was dishing out to me. Also, there's a sick sense of security knowing what to expect. I didn't like my ex for several years before the man I'm married to now got me out. The marriage had deteriorated so bad that I cheated to get out...and never looked back. Hopefully your friend's self-esteem isn't trashed to the point that she has to go that route, but if she is, here's one woman that won't judge her for it!

    Answer by rhope4 at 9:30 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • Sounds like something a friend of mine is going through. The exception though is that it's a guy instead of a woman. She treats him like crap and right in front of their children. He has said many times that he would leave her but he thinks it would be better to stay together for the kids. My husband informed him of what kind of example he was setting for his son. When he got to thinking about it he woke up and asked us to help him. He's in the process of leaving her and he's trying to get the kids too. Maybe if you mention what kind of example is being set for her son she might realize that she is not setting a great example for her son because he's going to end up growing up thinking he can treat woman like his father treats his mom.

    Answer by Juggalette0327 at 9:38 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • I have been in a very similiar situation in my past. Sounds like she is scared and if not....her child maybe as unhappy as she is with the way things are.  How old is her child? If they are old enough, maybe she could sit and talk with the child. Her husband is way to controlling and she needs out before he hurts her seriously bad. No child can grow up and be happy living in an environment like that. I am sure the child sees how their dad treats their mom and can also see how unhappy she is. My advice....LEAVE!


    Answer by CountryGal6320 at 11:43 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • i was in an abusive relationship for 8 years, we had no kids i stayed out of fear and that could be what your friend is going through, my self esteam was so low because of him he had me convinced i was nothing but (exuse my languge) a fat ugly whore that deserved to be beaten it took a near death beating for me to relize i needed to leave just keep telln her that for her and her sons health she needs to get out

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:07 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • thanks ladies, its just so hard because i offer the help and she just doesnt seem to care, her son is two gonna be three soon....

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:53 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

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