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child support issues

how do you deal with your husband having to pay child support and has all rights, but the mother won't let you talk to your step son? It makes it hard to be able to get to know your new son when she has him so sheltered and won't let him go anywhere or do anything.

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:40 PM on Jun. 10, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (5)
  • You knew what you were getting into when you married a man with a child from a previous relationship: DRAMA. Just let your hubby deal with this. The more you "interfere", the more the BM will hate and resent you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:44 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • yikes anon! a little harsh!

    we have the same prob with my SD i have been in her life for 4 years.. and we are not close because she is always listening to her mom say nasty things about me... i do think the best thing for you to do is not push the issue... your DH has to pay child support weather he sees the child or not.. if he ahas a court orderd visatiation schedule and she isnt following it then he can take her back to court and make her follow it... but as a step mom to a child that still has a mother there really is no place for you< in my experiances>

    Answer by 2cuteboysrmine at 11:52 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • I agree with both of the above - you knew what you were getting into and since the child's mother is still actively involved, he is NOT your "new son". He is your husband's son and he has a mother. Don't push it because it's very easy to overstep those boundaries and permanently alienate yourself from his mother (and child) and set yourself up, in the child's mind, as her adversary - you won't win. So just sit back, let your husband be a father while you wait patiently for the child to take an interest in you - they can grow up to form their own opinions, but it takes time and honesty from you and your husband.

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 1:11 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • Tread lightly here! As the poster above said...he already has a Mother, he doesn't need a "new one" In a perfect world it would be nice to be able to bond with him without the BM getting all freaked out, but it is not a perfect world so you will have to be patient. When I met my DH he had a 6 yr old DD. I quickly let her mother know I am in now way trying to take her place. She has a Mother and that Mother will always love her best. She is now 14 and her Mom and Step Dad and I have a great relationship. Slow and steady wins the race on this one. It is great that you want to be envolved, but don't push! As for your DH, if there are issues with him not being able to see his LO he needs to take it to a lawyer and go through the proper channels. Good Luck.

    Answer by salexander at 11:13 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • That must be so maddening! I have a step son and I know how everyone says "you knew what you were getting into" but that is not always true. Many women do not go around dating guys with children and get involved with these kids to even know how tough the situation will become. You can never always predict someone's behavior especially when you bring their kids into it. How old is the son? Is his father now beginning to develope a relationship with him or has he been fully involved the whole time? In our case, my husband has been paying cs the whole time and just in april did we start seeing him. In my opinion his mom is wrong. You sound like you are accepting him into your family and want him to feel comfortable in your care. When there is a kid around 2 adults does the father really DO all the care-taking? Why is she making it hard for him to mesh with your family? From what i've heard she is wrong and being childish

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:53 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

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