Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

am i being selfish???

me and my bf are ttc and were talking about the babies name being --- for the last name i want my last name with his for the baby because i have one daughter with my last name and not her fathers and i dont want temonee growning up to feel feft out. he just wants his last name. he also said he doesnt want out last names ---- when we get married and again i want it for my daughter. am i being selfish or do i have the right 2 feel this way? now i dont really wanna ttc if i cant have that. i dont even feel like sex if there is a chance to fall pg as im not on anything.i/we want a baby of out own he has 3 girls already and wants a boy. we reacenty had a misscarraige.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:50 PM on Jun. 10, 2009 in Pregnancy

Answers (9)
  • Personally I think a baby should always have the mother's last name--if she is married then it will be the father's last name also, but I am so passionate about this because I see so many women just trying to make their man happy and then he bails and then they have a child with his name forever. I don't think it is selfish at all. I think it is selfish for the guy to always assume the child will have his name.
    tangyh

    Answer by tangyh at 10:53 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • so you dont want to take his last name when you get married either? i can see where he would be a little bit upset. One thing to remember is that a man feels the need instinctively to carry on his family name. If he has no sons, and you end up conceiving a boy, it would only be understandable that he would want that boy to carry on his family name.
    I can see your point with your daughter but is her father in her life? If so, then she will probably not feel too left out. If he is not a part of her life, have you and your BF considered getting her last name hyphened with his also?
    jenellemarie

    Answer by jenellemarie at 10:56 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • I think it's appropriate for your child to have both last names. I could see him getting upset if you didn't want to give the baby his lasst name at all but with both names I don't see the problem.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:57 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • i wanna have both my and his last name when we marry and have a child, yes my daughers father is still around but he is getting married and not keeping his last name, my daughter just has my last name, my ex would never alow my partners name ----- with my last name.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:59 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • Well men are so stupid to think that they always have to put his last name on a child, thats being selfish. Trust me I know what I'm talking about I'm havin kinda the same problem with my babys daddy but I'm goiin to put my last name on my son becuz even if your with the guy or not its up to the mother to choose what last name to put for the baby, we carry the baby in our bellies for 9 whole months we're the ones who make sure that we take kare of our selves and that our baby is growin healthy so I personally think that you have the right to put whatever last name you want on your child, the onli thing that men do is make the baby and Imagine if he does leave and you both go your seperate ways then the child stays with his last name and then you have to be in communication with your ex and and have to have his consent for everything that you want to do with your child for school, doc,etc... its reli a headache to deal w/ that
    SingleMommy09

    Answer by SingleMommy09 at 11:04 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • I think it is completely UP TO YOU and YOU ALONE of what you want your baby's last name to be. Many guys do assume that the baby should have their last name...married or not...and I think its wrong and stupid. YOU are carrying this baby for 9 months....YOU are gonna be the one solely responsible for taking care of this baby if something were to fall out between you two...and in my opinion there is no reason to give your baby his last name when you aren't married, unless you want to. You get to put the name on the birth certificate so do what you want! Not to mention there is always confusion on some level when the mother and baby have different last names.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 11:29 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • Personally, i dont see this as something that matters unless of course its a boy. Girls get married and usually change their names over anyway. If its a boy and you and your partner are seriously committed than I would say both last names could be given.
    youngfirsttimer

    Answer by youngfirsttimer at 11:30 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • I am unmarried and have 2 kids. Both have MY last name. I had my oldest son's name legally changed from the hyphenated name he had to mine. My youngest his father didnt have an issue with the last name.

    Good luck......
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:47 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • I am not married. My son has DF last name and his entire name (first, middle, last) comes from generations of the men on his side of the family.
    I see no reason not to because it is much more important to him than it is to me (there are many men on my side of the family to carry on the name.)
    Even still, if we were to ever break up, he would always be his father.
    I am able to solely sign all Dr. papers/consent forms/ and make any and all decisions regarding my son without his consent. (I of course discuss everything with him anyway)
    I am actually really surprised that I am the odd man out here.


    jenellemarie

    Answer by jenellemarie at 1:53 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.