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During this economic time, what do you do?

Im a 20 year old mom who works full time in a dental office, i love my job but i miss my nine month old daughter. My boyfriend doesnt get enough hours at the bank to support all of us, however he is going through the CHP process. My boyfriend's mom is the one who watches our daughter and everytime I see her I feel like I am missing out on her growing up. Especially when his mom rubs it in my face with all the things she does when Im not around. I feel sad when I go to pick her up. I want to be a full time mom but I need to provide for my daughter as well. I'm having a hard time coping with not being there and some other motherly figure is there instead. As a baby growing up I grew attached to my grandmother who watched me instead of my mom who worked. I dont want this to happen to me. I want to be the one she's closest to.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:15 PM on Jun. 10, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • well you are doing what you have to in order to take care of your daughter. so yes its hard having to take our kids to daycare or to whoever is watching them and drop them off but you have to keep reminding yourself that this is what is best for your daughter. and when a time comes that you can quit your job and stay home with her than do it if that is what you want to do. as far as being close to her, just make sure when you get home you spend time with her, do the cleaning later it can wait. on weekends spend all the time with her you can, you don't have to do extravagant things, just sitting home and reading a book is quality time. as far as your SO's mom goes, just ignore her as best you can. she needs to grow up and get past the pettiness.
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 11:21 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • she may be fond of her grandma, but no one can take your place. like the person above me said, just make the most of the time you do get with her && she will remember it.
    HisMommySince07

    Answer by HisMommySince07 at 11:29 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • I don't mean to sound cruel, but your boyfriend's mom IS raising your daughter. I would cut my hours to PT and be home with my daughter more. I don't care if I had to eat oatmeal and potatoes everyday to save money. Do what you need to do to be home with your precious baby. Good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:41 PM on Jun. 10, 2009

  • We all do what we have to to make sure our kids are taken care of. If it stresses you out this bad then think about getting a job working nights so you can be home with your daughter during the day.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 12:21 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • That's one reason why I love my son being in daycare while I work all day - he does get attached to the teachers, but not as strongly as he is to me. Additionally, no teacher would ever accuse a mother or father of "not being there" for their kids when they know that sometimes, parents just need to work. In this economy, I am blessed with a great job and a wonderful daycare/preschool environment that honors the parents and understands their position as supporting US, not us supporting them. I'm sorry that your MIL and other mothers here on CafeMom don't have a more compassionate and respectful attitude towards your motherhood AND your financial situation.
    JPsMommy605

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 1:05 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • You are very young and it sounds to me like you are very responsible as well. You are doing what needs to be done to provide for your child. What good is having you at home when there is no roof over her head? Working Mom guilt is nothing new. I have it too! I have 5 kids and my DH has been laid off since the 2nd week of Jan. I work 40 hrs. I miss my kids. My teens as well as my 2 and 3 yr olds. I don't think she is "rubbing it in your face" she is sharing what is going on so you know. It is hard to miss milestones it really is. Just make the time you have with her extra special. Work with her, use every teachable moment you can. Things may not always be this hard. Trust me, she KNOWS who Mamma is no matter who she spends her day with. Hang in there, things will get better. Big BIG kudo's to you for being a reasonable responsible parent. You go!
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 11:01 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

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