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Child Support Dilemma

My kids are teen and preteen age and have had scheduled visitations with their dad for past 6 yrs. Four years ago he stopped paying child support and now I want to re-instate the court order by filing to garnish his wages where he's employed. We were on a very nice system where he would pay half for everything that came up for expenses. But I noticed everytime I would ask for half of something, it was like pulling teeth, and then he calls me an asshole after he pays me, and then follows by saying I'm a selfish and unfit mom. I could tell giving me money for our kids was not something he wanted to do. So I feel I have no choice but to start the legal child support payments on him once again, but, my fear is that this will enrage him. Should I keep the peace for 4 more years till my kids are grown and then go after him for back support? Need some strong advice here.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:28 AM on Jun. 11, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • Go for the money now. It is not your money--it belongs to your children!!! If their dad won't help support them in a friendly manner, you need the courts to help you out. He needs to pay for those past 4 years & pay for current support. If you already have a court order, contact your state's department of child support & open a case with them. You will need to fill out some forms & provide contact info for your ex husband. Then they will start pursuing him for the back support & the current support. If you feel the support amount is too low based on his current income, talk to a lawyer about having a new order drawn up. The DCS might be able to help with this as well, depending on your state. I think if you wait, you will have a lot of questions as to why you waited until your kids were grown to get their support money. Get this money now. If you don't need it for the kids now, save it for their college. Good luck!
    funnyface1204

    Answer by funnyface1204 at 1:38 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • I suppose the first thing you need to consider is: Do you NEED the money - or would it just make things easier? If you need it (as in the kids are suffering from the lack thereof), then go ahead and garnish the wages knowing that you are doing it for the kids sake ONLY. If it would just make finances a little easier, then consider the pros and cons of riling their father up. Also, check with your state - I think that after the kids are adults, THEY can go after him for back support once it's already been court ordered. Check with a local attorney on that, though.
    JPsMommy605

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 1:38 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • O I would get child support in a heartbeat! He had those kids to and should taking care of them financially to!! Its not fair for you to have to pay for everything if you don't than you are giving him the easy way out!! I wouldn't care if he gets pissed you don't have to live with him!!lol!! honestly its not fair for you to have to do everything!!

    SD777

    Answer by SD777 at 1:42 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • I've been so great at keeping child support money issues from my kids. But, since they can go after it when they're adults, would it be wise to talk with them about it now? I've had mixed opinions regarding this. My sister in law insists I'm morally not allowed to talk about parent issues with my kids. I sort of feel compelled to let them know I have this option to go after child support now for their sakes.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:49 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • To add one more thing, I think current DH is losing respect for me cause he see's how much I do to help these kids all by myself when their dad just works and keeps all that money he makes to himself. My brother even has to pay child support although he's on disability! The courts still make him pay $750/mo out of his disability check for his child support payments. He has an anger problem and over the years birth mom thought he would try and kill her because of the child support he gives her. But, he's been paying monthly for the past 7yrs, so I guess I should try it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:09 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • I agree with the SIL that you should not talk about this with the kids, but you should still go through the courts and get it. If he is calling you names and saying bad things about you when ever he has to pay for anything, than it needs to be handled by the courts so that there will not be as much of this happening to your face or in front of the kids. At least if it goes through the courts you are not having to hound him to get the money for their activities (and trust me with High School you are going to need it) and there is really no way for him to dodge it. The kids however should not be a part of this decision. They should not have to hear about what names their dad calls you for making him pay. They should not have to hear about how hard it is to get their father to help pay for things. If you still feel like bringing them in on it talk to a few professionals and see what they say.

    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 4:34 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • I don't think you should talk to the kids about it. I do think you should go after it, and if it enrages him, then you threaten that you will take him to court and get his visitations suspended until he can control himself. Your children are entitled to that money, whether it is b/c you desperately need it or it would just make things easier makes no difference. He doesn't have to like it, but the fact is he chose to create those kids just as much as you chose to create them, therefore he has the same responsibility to them, and he is not living up to it.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 8:14 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • In Ohio you could not go after him for back support. In Ohio ANY money given in support of children that is not paid through Child Support Enforcement is considered a gift and does not count. So if I were to take him to court, all the money he has given me personally would not count and they would go after him for every penny owed according to a support schedule from the time we seperated. Men should always pay through the court to avoid this problem. Maybe you could say "look, I am tired of pulling teeth to get help raising our children, so if we can't come to an amicable solution, I have no choice but to take this through the legal system" See where that gets you. You should not have to put up with headache and verbal abuse, do what needs doing for your kids. They are counting on you.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 10:50 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

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