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Do I have a valid point?

Im divorced & have a child from that marriage. 7yrs after the divorce I met someone who i thought was amazing & we had child also. Sad 2 say neither relationship worked out. My ex hubby comes to see his son every visitation day he has. He is truly a great father. My ex whom lives about an hour away gets 2 visitation days a week & always comes late & leaves early. I feel as though he is uninterested in being a dad sometimes. He says its because he cant take our daughter out with him but she is 8mos & and he still doesnt know how 2 take care of her yet so im uneasy about it. My ex hubby wants 2 come visit his son on fathers day which, i think he should. my ex bf wants me to being his daught to him an hr away cause its his 1st fathers day. My point is why should i? he wasnt here on her 1st thanksgiving or easter. if that wasnt important to him why should i inconvience my other childs father for him? who is being selfish

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:57 AM on Jun. 11, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • ** I ran out of space **

    Sunday is my ex bf visitation day. I think he should come here for his scheduled hours then i can let my ex hubby come here at night. Its just principal that i think my ex bf is being selfish. like i said, he wasnt here for her firsts so why should i inconvience everyone to suit him.....

    any help is appreciated!!!! thank you
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:01 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • Sounds to me like the ex-bf is very childish and if he doesn't get his way he will pout. The ex-hubby seems to have his stuff together and is understanding when it comes to visitation time and being an active part of his child's life. The point you need to make to the ex-bf is this "Visitation is set up for a reason. It isn't set up for your benefit. It's set up for the baby's benefit. If you can't follow the simple rules that you've known about ahead of time then you can choose to miss your visitation and come back later. Just because I already have 2 babies to deal with at home doesn't mean I get to deal with you acting like one. This is the visitation time, no I am not going out of my way to drive an hour to you just for you to cut the visit short because you don't feel like being involved that much. We are stopping our evening to make time for you. Be an adult and share the same respect."

    Sound good?
    lilbit022009

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 8:09 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • I definitely think this is a valid point. If your ex bf already has scheduled visitation for that day, and the plan is always for him to go to you to see his daughter than that's how you should keep it. Maybe you should point out that you'd have to drag your daughter all the way to him and then all the way back and that it's a long trip for a baby. Or maybe you could meet somewhere in between so he can have a special day with his little girl on father's day but you won't have to drive a whole hour away. I'm not sure what your relationship with him is like, but if you could stand to be out together for a while, maybe take your daughter to the zoo or someplace that you can all enjoy and just have a good day. Good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:12 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • Yes, you do. He should come see her as normally scheduled - no further discussion.
    LadyEb

    Answer by LadyEb at 8:24 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • Yes you do.

    truthteller0722

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 8:44 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • I agree with everyone above, but one question.
    If ex-hubby is great and is spending father's day with your oldest, why aren't you avalible to take the 8month old to ex BF for his first father's day (maybe to show off to his side of the family) This could be the begining of him trying to be a "father" on fathers day. You and the 8month old don't have to be with the ex hubby on his special day, do you?? IDK just seems like if you want him involved in 8month olds life ,his 1st Fathers day isn't the day to try teaching him a lesson. GL either way. I am sure you know whats best for your family.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:01 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • I wouldn't drive your daughter to see him, if it's that important to him then he needs to come see her.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 10:02 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • If the usual routine is for him to come to you to see his daughter, then that is the way it needs to stay. Let your ex hubby take his son for the day, and tell the ex bf that he needs to come to you as always, and I would be kind enough to allow him some extra time, since it is Father's Day. But I would not drive her to him, simply b/c that is a major inconvenience to you, and if he's always late and leaivng early anyway, chances are he will cut this visit shor tas well, and you've driven all the way for no good reason. Not to mention, if you change it once, he will then constantly be trying to get you to change it.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 10:55 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • You are the mom. You set down the rules. He does what is convenient for you not for him. One thing you might want to remember about visitation, many times men want to see the child but not the mom which is why they want to take them. How will he ever learn to take care of the child if you don't give him the chance?
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:55 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • Why not let your ex husband take your son the entire Father's Day weekend then tell you other childs father if he wants to see his daughter he can come on Father's Day to you home at a certain time if he is not there then go do something you want to do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

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