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My 12 yr old has a "bisexual" friend

My daughter is almost 13 and has a friend who recently "came out" to her. I already had concerns about this friend, as she has become increasingly clingy and calls my daughter several times a day. I consider myself fairly open-minded, and have asked even my gay friends what they think of this. The landslide response has been that 12 years old is too young to be delving into any real sexuality, let alone an alternative one. My partner, who is straight, and was once very active in lesbian rights, thinks I'm being intolerant. Admittedly, the friend's announcement DOES factor into my concerns. Not because I'm bigoted, but because my daughter is SO pliable and concerned about others' feelings and not making them uncomfortable, that I'm afraid she will go along with whatever this girl wants, even if she' not okay with it. How do I quell this friendship and get my partner to see that my concerns are valid?


Asked by Anonymous at 11:33 AM on Jun. 11, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I would cancel this friendship. I was that age when the same situation occurred to me - it is too young for a kid to be sexual. This friend may have been exposed to adult sexual situations - otherwise how would she even be interested in this. The constant calling - forget it. If you think your daughter is a people pleaser, this girl gets the same feeling from your daughter - that's why she's so predatory. I would tell my daughter she is not allowed to see or speak to this girl -- she has nothing to gain from this friend and this will eliminate any bad, reoccuring memories which remain into adulthood. I would let the kid know to never call the home again. If it continued - call to the parents. Who needs this? Having your daughter involved in other social activities and making new wholesome friends was a great earlier suggestion.

    Answer by terry6202 at 1:30 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • i wouldnt put a stop to the friendship.. but talk to her explain to her bout it all and tell her to come to you with any questions or concerns but if you tell her to not be friends with her it well start the mindset that if its different its wrong IMO

    Answer by preggoinmn at 11:34 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • A lot of girls explore there sexuality at a young age..Even if your DD does do something with this friend..Does not mean anything really.. I think you should talk to your DD  about it..

    Personally I would rather my DD explore sex with another girl then with a boy..At least she can not get pregnant.JMO


    Answer by louise2 at 11:39 AM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • True. I understand that aspect, but it's not just the sexuality issue of it. About 3 weeks ago, I expressed some concern about the psychotic number of phone calls (sometimes into the teens per day), wanting my daughter to come over every waking moment, and her intense attachment to my daughter. It's as though she doesn't know what to do with herself if my daughter is otherwise occupied. If my kid is busy with chores, the friend will call every few minutes until she is done unless I answer the phone and tell her to stop calling. It's nuts. The way she tries to keep tabs on my daughter is want concerns me most, the bi thing just sealed it. It's hard enough to find your ground at that age. I don't want this girl making up my daughter's mind for her on an issue as important as sexual orientation. If it were a boy exerting this kind of obsessive control, I would be just as, possibly more concerned.

    Answer by wolfsmomma at 12:17 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • Don't discourage the friendship, but get your daughter involoved in other activities so she meets other people and isn't available all the time for this friend. Make sure you answer the phone and only let your daughter talk to this friend a couple times a day. If this child keeps calling, then call and talk to her parents about how her behavior is concerning you and affecting your daughter.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:53 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • i dont think i would cancel it but i think i would watch open with your daughter and tell her if she has any concerns than she can talk to daughters mil is gay and is would never know it.they arent open about it.but my daughter is married with a daughter.i am concerned about the baby when she gets into school only because i dont think people are as open as she thinks they are.the woman are very attractive and keep themselves up and are educated.but still.i have nothing against it and have a 10 yr old and i found that if i acted like it wasnt a big deal .i always take my daughter around them and am not worried.(besides the fact that they own a jewelry store and give me a discount on jewelry)lol....oh my daughter did ask me questions and i did answer them...

    Answer by raineydays377 at 2:00 PM on Jun. 11, 2009