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As a Grandma, what do I do?

Here's the scenerio: My child has run into some hard times. She has two small kids. Before she was able to take them to daycare and drop them off on her days off as well. (Even though, I didn't like that idea). Now she relies on friends to take care of them because she only needs a sitter at night. Problem is, whenever she wants time to herself, she wants me or her dad to take the kids.. Not just for a few hours here and there, but for at least a day and night. I don't like to do that because my parents never did that for me. I raised my two with virtually by myself. Only leaving them with a babysitter while I worked or for a few hours when I went out in the evening. I told her, I would like to pick up kids and go to park or shopping, but then bring them home afterwards. She gets mad at me and hangs up. I don't want to raise the kids, just visit them. How do I handle this? Especially Single moms with kid?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:31 PM on Jun. 11, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I know you don't want to hurt your daughter or upset her, but you are right! If you don't want to take the kids for more than a few hours here and there, than you shouldn't have to! There is no reason why she needs an entire day AND night to herself that much. I would just tell her no. She is their mom, not you. Yes moms do need some time to themselves but I think her wanting at least almost a full 2 days is a little excessive. She should appreciate the fact that she has someone who can take the kids AT ALL! Many single mothers out there have no one that can take their kids, for free no less, just to give them time to themselves. Just tell her you understand she needs her time alone, and that you would love to watch the kids for a few hours, but when you are ready to bring them home, that's when her time is up. If she gets mad than that is her problem. What's the worst that could happen? Eventually she'll take what she can get
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 12:36 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • That's tough... It sounds like she's pretty overwhelmed, and probably pretty depressed because of it. She should probably look into counseling for herself, but you need to stay firm and tell her that you will take care of her children when necessary, but you will not be raising them because that is not your job. She needs to take care of herself and her kids.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:35 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • I would make a plan to take the kids for one weekend a month. That way it is planned and she and I could plan our lives around it and you can say no to all the other requests if you want and not feel guilty.
    But, more truthfully, I would drop everything to take care of my grand kids.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:38 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • Well, you raised her and she is as self centered as you sound. It is a privilege and an honor to be trusted with grand kids. If she needs time to herself, she should have thought about it before she had them. Now, they are here, what to do is the question.

    You only want them for a few hours, is all about your needs and your wants. Same goes for her, is never about the children right? What is best for them or anything like that. So you two need to compromise in what are you willing and able to do for those poor kids who are being shuffled around by a selfish mom and an even more selfish grandma.

    I am not trying to be rude, this is how you came across to me and this is the inference I make of your dd. I am a mom and my kids are where I am, if I need a brake, too bad, they children didn't asked to be born, it was my choice and my responsibility so ask her to be accountabley for them.
    bebita

    Answer by bebita at 12:51 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • Speaking as a single mom, my parents usually choose when they want to do something with my kids. I do occasionally ask them if they will watch them for a few hours or overnight b/c I need to do something or I have plans, but they ALWAYS have the option to say no, and I will work something else out or cancel my plans. I only ask them to keep them overnight maybe once or twice a year, usually they are the ones who suggest that they'd like to take them. With that part said, I do know that it is often a relief to me to have one evening or a few hours where the kids are not underfoot, fighting and wanting me to play referee. Where I can clean house, take a bath, read a book, whatever, without interruptions. As a single parent, there is usually no relief, no one that you can look to and say can you handle this I need a minute. So she is asking you to give her that brief break. But, if you don't want to, then just say no.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 12:52 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • i live with my mom and she has my daughter ALL the time! usually when i want my kid, my mom is busy with her... i hardly ever have my kid cuz her grandparents (both my mom and the paternals) want her all the time!!

    I dont think u r being selfish, i think ur trying to whats best for the kiddos by giving them free time from mom too (cuz they probly need it too lol)

    I agree with pp's where they have said to set up a single weekend every month, that way u have something solid... but dont hold back... surprise ur daughter with a random evening of no kids, randomly thruout the month... she is sure to appreciate that more than "forcing" you to take them...

    great, now i sound like a bad parent cuz i hardly have my 2yo (like right now my sis has her outside playing and im taking advantage of it lol)
    bananaapplepie

    Answer by bananaapplepie at 1:08 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • I was a single working mom for a long time, and I needed my time to myself to do what I wanted to do! Maybe its selfish, but if I didn't have that from time to time I would have lost my mind!! Lucky for me, my ex husband took the kids most weekends and I had "me time". i agree with anon :38, maybe you could offer to take the kids one weekend a month. Or one saturday, all day until sunday morning, each month. If you don't really want to do that, that's your decision. She'll have to deal with it or find someone else she trusts to watch her kids. It sounds like you would rather take care of them than just a sitter. You might not have had that break when your children were small, but wouldn't you have appreciated it if someone did it for you?
    drowninginboys

    Answer by drowninginboys at 1:10 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • When I was a single mom my mom refued to watch my kids. I had to pay a sitter. If I went out kids went with me.....lol I dated with my son tagging along. Talk about a chaperone!! Right now I have 3 going on 4 children, and a grama to one of the children has my daughter constantly because she wants to (I am forever calling wanting my daughter home), and my third child will be 18 months in 3 days and has never seen a sitter yet. Gramma....if you don't want to sit for her kids all of the time thn don't....she might be mad for awhile, but she will get over it.
    ColleenF30

    Answer by ColleenF30 at 1:12 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

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