Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Did I make a mistake on getting married????

I am so confused at this moment. During our dating history, it was horrible! My DH was addicted to prescribtion drugs and I couldnt let my first love go. So I would have to say over a period of five years maybe a year was good. My DH and I became new christians since January 09 and since then Ive kind of been pushed into getting married to him. My DH kept saying we need to get our house right with God, since we arent married and are living under the same roof and have a child together. "Im never going to get my heart right with GOD if we continue living this lifestyle!" Well we got married on May 4, 2009 and I feel as if it was a mistake. My views of marriage are so much different in what I have. We got married after I got off of work in a park, with my mother buying our wedding rings. "HOW ROMANTIC". I honestly feel that My DH is not my best friend, we dont communicate, we dont have a relationship, its just comfort

Answer Question
 
leighannarobey

Asked by leighannarobey at 12:44 PM on Jun. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • fireproofyourmarriage.com
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:47 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • It sounds like you already know the answer and want someone else to tell you that you are right. Only you can tell how unhappy you truly are. You might be able to change things around but only if the both of you want it.
    HolliBerry21

    Answer by HolliBerry21 at 12:47 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • If it feels like a huge mistake ALL THE TIME, then it probably was. If it's just when you're having a hard time of things, then you probably just need some counseling.

    When my husband and I first went into marriage counseling after he was injured, the first thing we were asked was, "Do you want to work things out, or do either of you actually have a foot out the door already?" You have to ask yourself that: Do you actually want to be in a relationship with him? If the answer is yes, get into counseling to help you both. If the answer is no, you don't want to be with him, you don't love him, you are nothing but miserable and don't want to work it out, then get a divorce. If you go into counseling, and you find then that you two don't want to work it out, then get a divorce. Being forced into anything can make you unhappy. You just need to decide if this marriage is actually right for you. You need to be happy.
    kittyhasclaws

    Answer by kittyhasclaws at 12:49 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • something about signing your name on that dotted line making you an obligatory domestic servant to him makes a woman unequal in the relationship. I think marriage ruins relationships. I know it did all three of mine! I do much better just being with someone I care for and respect. That marriage thing sucks imo.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:02 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • admickenzie that dotted line that you talk about and how it makes you a domestic servant to him and unequal is bull crap...
    Marriage...if with the right person can be beautiful..
    You need to marry someone who has the same morals, goals, wants most of the same things you want..
    People some people get married and think things will be different...You married the man that you dated, why should it be any different..

    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 1:16 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • Thank you Dannee, domestic servant indeed. BULL CRAP. It makes him your partner for life and legal next of kin (which in my case was a huge upgrade from my crazy parents) Marriage is the cornerstone of a stable family and can only effectively be entered into by two adults who are ready to build something. Guilt over having done it backwards really isn't a good start, but perhaps if you can get into couseling all will turn out fine. I liked the above advice about is it all the time or just on your bad days.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:27 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • I think Kittyhasclaws has the best advice. I can't say it any better than that, so ditto what she said.
    flowrchild77

    Answer by flowrchild77 at 1:39 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • Go out and get this book. It's an awesome book and it's for both of you to read together. And he should want to read it, if he is really interested in having a true relationship with God.

    Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs

    I can recommend a couple other books too. Send me a message if you are interested.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 1:43 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • I would have to say you already know your answer. My Mom pushed my Step-Dad into getting married. The minute they left the alter she nearly threw up, she said she knew she had made a mistake. Their marriage is about 15 years old but it is stormy, full of lies and is not an equal marriage.
    Now, my Husband and I have been married for 9 years. I knew the minute he asked that he was the one for me. We have COMMUNICATION, compassion and love. We are equal in our marriage, even though he jokes around calling me the "boss". We would never dream of making a major decision without talking to the other. We talk to each other before making plans and we make sure to put ourselves in the others shoes whenever doing anything (like I think of how I would feel if he talked to an ex on the phone, etc).
    kc932

    Answer by kc932 at 3:09 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • Ask God for strength
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 3:18 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN