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A little fun: What's your favorite joke about religion?

I have a few, but this is one of mine:

A priest, a rabbi, and a blonde walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "Is this a joke?"

Just thought the forum needed a bit of lightening up today . . .
Hugs everyone!

Answer Question

Asked by jennijune_21 at 2:06 PM on Jun. 11, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 4 (56 Credits)
Answers (42)
  • What is the one about the bear eating someone? I don't even remember enough about it to ask? LOL

    I laughed today, when I heard someone say, "God doesn't believe in athiests."

    Answer by Cinnamon-mom at 2:08 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • Common.... it's a little funny!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:12 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • There was a guy stuck on a roof in the middle of a flood.

    He prays for God to save him.

    Not to long, and a boat comes by. "No thanks, God will save me" says the man when offered a ride.

    A bit later, another boat comes by. By this time, the waters are a bit higher and begining to rush. "No thanks, God will save me" the man says again.

    A bit later, the waters are raging, growing higher still. Along comes a helicopter that drops its ladder for the man to climb up. "No thank you, God will save me" the man yells over the noise of the water and the helicopter.

    A few minutes later, the waters rise even higher, whisk the man away and he drowns.

    When he gets into heaven, he asks God "I prayed and prayed . . . why didn't you save me??"

    God said, "Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What more did you want??"

    Answer by jennijune_21 at 2:17 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • Funny bumper stickers:

    "I found Jesus! He was behind the couch the whole time!"
    "OMG, it's Jesus!! Look busy!!"
    "Witches parking only. All others will be toad."
    "Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for thou art crunchy and taste good with ketchup."
    "I believe in dragons, fairies, unicorns, good men, and other fantasy creatures"
    "My other car is a broom"
    "WARNING - In case of rapture, car will be unmanned"
    "My karma ran over my dogma"

    Answer by jennijune_21 at 2:20 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • Okay, Cinnamon, I don't think this is the one you're thinking of, LOL. AAAannnd it's a bit racy . . . aaaaannnd has nothing to do with religion . . . but it's funny!!

    A bear walks in to a bar and says to the bartender, "give me a drink." The bartender says, "sorry, we don't serve bears." The bear says, "well, give me a drink or I'll eat that woman at the other end of the bar." The bartender says, "psh, go ahead." So the bear eats the woman and asks the bartender one more time to give him a drink. The bartender says, "we don't serve bears on drugs." The bear, clearly dumbfounded says, "what? I'm not on drugs." And the bartender says, "that was a bar-bitch-you-ate"

    Answer by jennijune_21 at 2:22 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • Jennijune, that was not the one I was thinking of, LOL. I think it was something about prayer and a hunter and a bear? hmm.

    Answer by Cinnamon-mom at 2:26 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • How about this one (it's about a lion, though):

    A Baptist missionary was walking in Africa when he heard the ominous padding of a lion behind him. "Oh Lord," prayed the missionary, "Grant in Thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion."

    And then, in the silence that followed, the missionary heard the lion praying too: "Oh Lord," he prayed, "I thank Thee for the food which I am about to receive."

    Answer by jennijune_21 at 2:30 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • Another funny bumper sticker:
    I’m a Frisbeteerian. When I die my soul goes up to the roof and gets stuck there

    Some funny Witch jokes:

    Q: If a Witch practices on the beach, is she a Sandwich?

    Q: What's Wiccan, flies around, and makes honey?
    A: The Blessed Bee!

    Q: What do you say to an angry witch?
    A: Ribbit

    Q: Why did the blond pagan have a lasso?
    A: She wanted to draw down the moon.

    Q: Why did the blond pagan have a remote control?
    A: She wanted to channel.

    Q: How can you tell a blonde pagan closed the circle?
    A: There's white-out on the floor.

    Answer by jennijune_21 at 2:39 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • You might be a Redneck Pagan if...
    If you think "widdershins" refers to the calves of the bereaved lady next door....

    If you think fetch deer is a command you give yer dawg....

    If you think a goblet is a young turkey....

    If you think Drawing Down the Moon means demolishing the outhouse....

    If you call your coven mates "Bud" and "Sis"....

    If you think a Great Rite is turning onto County Road 13....

    If your Quarter candles smell like kerosene....

    If you pronounce "Athame" as "Athaym" and "Samhain" as "Sammon" or "Sam-hayn"....

    If you think a "Sidhe" is a girl....

    If your idea of the "Goddess" is the Coors Swedish Bikini Ski Team....

    If your Bard plays the banjo....

    If your 'Long Lost Friend really IS....

    If your lawn is decorated with at least one, preferably two or more, plastic pink flamingos, whom you regard as you

    Answer by jennijune_21 at 2:39 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • If your ceremonial belt has your name on the back and a belt buckle bigger than your head....

    If you call the Quarters by invoking "Billy, Joe, Jim and Bob"....

    If you call the Gods by hollerin' "Hey y'all, watch me!"....

    If your favorite robe has the logo of a manufacturer of major farm equipment on the back....

    If you've ever harvested ritual herbs with a weed wacker....

    If your ritual staff is a double barrel shotgun....

    If your ritual garments include any one of the following: plaid flannels, long johns, a pistol belt, or cowboy boots....

    If you've ever blessed chewing tobacco or snuff....

    If your ritual wine is Maddog 20/20, Night Train or White Lady 21....

    If the instructions to get to your Covenstead include the words "After you turn off the paved road"....

    If your altar-cloth is a rebel flag....

    If you use junk cars to mark th

    Answer by jennijune_21 at 2:40 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

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