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How do I get my husband and his teenager to do more around the house?

I work full-time outside of the home and am tired of the second shift. When I get home from work, I don't usually sit down until about 9:15 PM. Last night I cooked, cleaned up kitchen, picked up kid's toys and art, put 3 kids to bed, did a load of laundry - all while my DH and step-D were watching TV. I was putting laundry away at 10:00 PM! Then I get to wake up at 6:00 AM while they are both sleeping. The weekends stink to. At least we have a cleaning lady every other wk - helps a lot. For years, I have tried many approaches - nice, mean, crying, complaining, schedules, calendars, begging, jobs in trade of money/allowance (step-D), jobs for sex (DH) and nothing changes for long. I am wiped out. Isn't it obvious that they should be doing a lot more? My DH works really hard on his job so I don't get his laziness in the house. So, my question is: how do I get some help around the house without looking like the nagging wife?

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JenM1970

Asked by JenM1970 at 3:17 PM on Jun. 11, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • You cant, your gonna be the nagging wife, the nagging mom but SO WHAT! NAG ON! if it gets you what you need done...i cant believe the jobs for sex didnt work!! but i wouldnt try that much, thats a relationship ruiner!! With the step daughter make her do her own laundry! if shes old enough, start to teach her how, and then tell her shes on her own, she'll have to wear dirty clothes or do it. As far as the kitchen goes..you cook, MAKE THEM CLEAN UP! or let Hubby wash dishes and you dry and put away...i cant really think of how to get everyone to help with other chores...youve mentioned everything ive ever seen done. but you gotta quit being so worried about sounding like a nag, they obviously already realize your gonna do it yourself!
    sweetstkissez22

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 3:33 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • If you work second shift then why get up at 6? why not sleep in with everyone else then give everyone their chore list for the day so you don't have to come home and do it all? I worked second shift for years and loved it. I got plenty of quiet time and managed to schedule things very well then slept late. On school days I got to bed late, got up early to get the kids off the school and went back down for a long nap. It was great.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:19 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • You shouldn't have done the laundry last night,you should of waited on the weekend when life is a little more layed back.I know things have to get cleaned but sticking with a schedule that doesn't cause chaos is better and you deserve better.I think you can't rely on these people,so stop nagging at them.Be thankful your husband has a job,it would be worst if he was unemployed laying around the house,not looking for work,getting drunk and still not lifting a finger.Your teenager is being a teenager and though they should help out they aren't so it's a endless struggle,I say forget about her.If she wants her clothes washed ,she'll have to do it and feed herself that's the best way to teach a child responsibility.I would break up the chores by every other day so it's not so mundane.You're a busy working mom you need time for yourself,so I say leave the dishes in the sink.
    countingsparows

    Answer by countingsparows at 4:20 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • read this book. proper care and feeding of husbands. it says to ask and ask when it can be done. don't demand but say honey what you oing and if they say nothing say well can you do this for me. then when they are done with that ask for something else to be done. don't let them say i'll do it later cause they won't but be careful how you askfor them to do right then. just say i really need this done right now. good luck. nagging doesn't work does it
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 4:20 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • Thanks everyone. What I meant by "second shift" is that I feel like I have a second job when I get home from my first job, which I work from 7:30 AM to 4:00 PM M-F. I listened to the "proper care and feeding of husbands" book on tape actually and liked it. I listen to Dr. Laura's show on XM most afternoons if I am in my car at work or on the way home from work. That is why I want to be "nice" to my DH. And, we do have the teenager do her own laundry - and she does let it pile up until it is all dirty and she has nothing to wear - ha ha - but I don't help :) I think I am going to try the "calendar of jobs" approach again to split the workload up better. I nicely asked DH about that today - a quick in and out conversation - and he agreed to it. Wish me luck!
    JenM1970

    Answer by JenM1970 at 4:35 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • I would make them do their own damn laundry and clean their own dishes. Give everyone their own chores if the chores arent done by time u get ready to cook only cook for you and the young ones... nagging doesnt work so maybe starving them will HAHA I would do it:)
    heather.darin

    Answer by heather.darin at 4:38 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • I agree with making the sd do her own laundry. Also do not give her any money or phone privileges unless she helps to clean up. As for DH I have 5 kids and we do not fold laundry until the weekend that way he can help out.

    Ibelongtojesus

    Answer by Ibelongtojesus at 4:48 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • What I do in my home is I give them choices..
    I will say do you want to do the dishes tonight or fold the clothes...
    It works...I refuse to be the only one doing everything.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 7:43 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • Get a dishwasher, don't put the kids to bed, that should be his job. Just one day come home and if u have a small kid under 2, put them to bed but not the others or just u go to bed and do nothing. If he comes in and ask questions, tell him that he should be doing things, not just sitting down and watching movies. Call him ahead of time and ask him to cook or find something fast.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:56 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • Get the cleaning lady in every other day instead of every other week.
    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 11:37 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

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