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I took my two kids to see their dad for a weekend and out of the two days that we were all there he spent maybe 4 hours with the kids. our daughter is 16 months an she didnt even remember him, but our son is 4 and he is lacking that male figure in his life. I can see how much he needs that, and I know that I cant make their dad spend time with them, but what can I do to help my son?

I've been divorced from their dad for 7 months now.

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Asked by Marci48 at 5:28 PM on Jun. 11, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (6)
  • Oh honey. My son went through the same thing except my situation was different. My son's father (using the term loosely) has never met my son. He lives about 20 minutes from us and we haven't received so much as a card. It never bothered my son till he started school and saw that other boys in his class had Dads.

    He was saying his prayers one night and started crying, insisting the reason he didn't have a dad was because God was angry at him. So not the case little one, God is disappointed for you not at you, was all I could think to tell him. My son asked me if he could borrow my Dad until God found him one. He was 5 at the time and will be 8 this month. He has been calling my Dad "Dad" ever since then.

    Your son will find someone that suits him to fill that void. Might talk to your Dad and ask him if he wouldn't mind if your son saw him as a father. That might give your son the boost he really needs. Good luck.

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 5:35 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • My sons is only 9 months and his dads not in his life at all. so i know what you mean about a male figure in his life. Do you have any brothers that would be willing to spend time with you son, so he has a male figure in his life. If not does your city have a big brothers, big sisters program. You can try signing him up with them and tell them that you'd like your son to have a good male figure in his life. They will pick them up or go to your house and spend a hours to a day with them, they sometimes will take them to a museum or the park, or the movies. I know about it because i had a lil cousin who was in that program. If your not comfortable with a stranger coming into your sons life, does your son have a grandfather around to spend time with.

    Answer by vgiron at 5:35 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • You can have other males in your family be a male role model. That's what I do with my son. I have several uncles that he absolutely adores and his grandpa. And, hey, I'm pretty fond of all those guys.

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 5:52 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • Look to your community for role models - dad's of his friends, coaches, pastors, family, and so on. I suggest that you read The Wonder of Boys by Michael Gurian. It helps you understand the importance of and sources for male role models in boys lives, even if their own father is fully present in their lives. You will also want to start considering how a broken relationship with your daughter will affect her growing up. Michael Gurian is a great author for helping parents understand boys and girls and the separate needs they both have. Good luck.

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 6:05 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • He's not quite old enough but consider joining Big Brothers, Big Sisters when he's 6.

    Answer by kaycee14 at 8:23 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • Honestly, I think single moms worry too much about this, just from my own childhood, I guess. My mom thought the same thing (I felt VERY loved b/c I had tons of aunts, a sister and a mom, a dog and cousins). But she goes and marries a horrible, abusive stepfather to give us a "father figure" yikes! Then later on, pushes me to go see my dad who I barely knew at age 13 and to talk and move in with them. It was a nightmare and I did not need these male figures in my life. Despite the lack of decent male figures in my life: I have a very stable marriage for 10 years with my dh, I pick out great men, I've never been abused, etc. My husband is astonished. I just tell him I learned from my mom's mistakes.

    Anyway...if you REALLY insist he or feel he needs a male figure. Big Brothers. YMCA, maybe get an uncle or cousin in the picture to spend 1 day a week with him? Get him in a youth group with a male as a youth pastor???

    Answer by bablondie at 9:06 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

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