Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Do you ever think of things and wonder...

Three years ago last November I had a miscarriage. I will be honest, I was sad when it happened and very disappointed...but I didn't feel quite like I would if say, I lost a child who had been born. But yes, it was sad. I wished I could have had the baby and been a mommy. My parents wanted a grandchild. Anywho, one and half years ago my beautiful DD was born...and sometimes I wonder about how things work out. If the first baby had been born, he/she would have just turned 3 this month. Meaning...more than likely I would not have been allowed myself to get pregnant when dd was conceived. It's very conflicting! I feel like I've gotten over the miscarriage, but I still feel guilty if I think "Well, I'm glad I had Katie instead!". I'd like to think I would have had both...but I don't know that I would have. So I'm more glad that I have dd than I am sorry my first passed? But that sounds/feels so bad! Does anybody else do this?

Answer Question
 
ErinHill226

Asked by ErinHill226 at 8:12 PM on Jun. 11, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 16 (2,504 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I think everyone thats experienced a mis carriage has experienced this
    Myni

    Answer by Myni at 8:17 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • You just have to remember that sometimes things happen for a reason that we just can't understand
    sbastille

    Answer by sbastille at 8:20 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • i do.. i had a miscarriage 5 years ago in july... i have never told anyone in my real life about it, there was no point at the time, i was 18 and me and the father had just went through a nasty break up... as sad as i was and still am about it< i was barley 8weeks> i do think it is for the best, in my case atleast, i was young and would have held resentment tward the abbies dad, and the dad wouldnt have been apart of their life... i grew up a lot in the next year, and got pregnant again, now i have 2 beautiful boys, and am happy.... but i still wonder what that baby would have been like
    2cuteboysrmine

    Answer by 2cuteboysrmine at 8:23 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • I have made myself stop thinking about all the "what ifs" in life. I havent had a miscarriage so I am unable to completely say I wouldnt have that cross my mind a lot but there r a lot of things that I can say "what if" to in life. If u keep doing that u'll drive urself crazy! U cant help what has happened & no I do not think u sound bad for saying ur glad that things turned out how they did. I was a twin but during birth my twin died I spent years thinking about "what if she had survived" things would be completely diff. If she was alive maybe my mom wouldnt have abused me like she did, maybe I wouldnt have left 6 years ago & gotten a better life. Then I think I am absolutly glad about how things turned out b/c she didnt survive I got myself a great BF & we have a wounderful DD. Things turned out fantastic for me & its all b/c of what happened. Dont feel bad ur not the only one who thinks that way. "Alls well that ends well"
    Mel30248

    Answer by Mel30248 at 8:47 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • 3 months shy of 1 day old, kaylynn passed away
    she was a brown eyed angel girl joined with god that day.

    My baby girl would be 2 years old this august. i can hardly believe it. My heart aches everyday i wake up without her. Next month turns 1. 2 months after loosing kaylynn i found out i was pregnana. My husband was so happy that he practicly jumped outta his pants in the docs office when we found out. Deep inside for months i was hurt so bad because in my mind i felt that i was still carrying my baby girl. Months and months went by and my feeling never changed i was really starting to worry that i would never have a connection with my son that i was carrying. I kept my smile on and had many people fooled. No one could help me, no one could feel what i was feeling. I was so alone! one day i was cleaning the house and i realized i hadnt felt him kick in what felt like forever. I was terrified at point ......
    31angelmommy3

    Answer by 31angelmommy3 at 1:36 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • I knew i had a whole new connection with my boy. It turns out he was just sleeping but for me it was a wake up call that kaylynn was gone and i had to be here for my son. I named him Conner. I wanted him to have a strong name. I wanted him to be his own person!. I know what you are feeling amd dont feel guilty. I would love to stay in contact! Believe me god leads us into troubled waters to cleanse us not to drown us. All things happen for a reason even if it is far greater for any of us to unferstand! Hang in there
    31angelmommy3

    Answer by 31angelmommy3 at 1:40 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • yes n no...i had a miscarriage back in november i was almost 9 weeks n they couldnt find a heartbeat...i feel really sad an guilty n all cuz we really wanted a boy we felt like it was. But then again we also have 3 beautiful lil gurls that are our angels. Twins that will be 4 in august and the youngest just turned 2. We felt like it was too early to get pregnant again but then again we wanted the child. I feel really guilty cuz i wanted it and the hardest part is, is that my due date would be the 29th of this month so it makes it hard watchin my 2year old run around and enjoy herself knowing that she would have a sibling that she could also play with. So it does make it hard, and u will always have a place in your heart for the one that u lost, but then again u have ur DD and she makes u happy, n u enjoy every minute with her. so it would go either way. I lost my twins to my mother 3years ago, it makes it hard doin things
    kisses4myangels

    Answer by kisses4myangels at 9:14 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.