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finding my cousin

Hello, when my cousin was born my aunt put her up for adoption because it was the best choice for the baby, now 16 years later i am very curious i saw a myspace resently that sent shivers down my spine. this girl looks just like my aunt and could have been her twin. I looked through my history but i have not been able to find her again. i know her name and age and where she is living and was just wondering if there was anyway to find her.

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Asked by serenaxxmarie at 9:35 PM on Jun. 11, 2009 in Adoption

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Answers (10)
  • yea. did you try looking up that girls name on myspace again?
    Also, look up free searches on google. There are lots of them. good luck
    Oh. and you might also try googling her name. I found my biological deadbeat that way.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 9:43 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • Do you know if your aunt placed her through an agency? If so, would she be willing to tell you which agency and which city and state? That is how we found my DH's younger sister. Once we found the name of the correct agency it happened very quickly. We had to pay $100, but it was so worth it to us!

    There is a group on CM for people touched by adoption who are trying to find each other. I don't remember what it is called, but I think it is run by Onethentwins, who is one of the birthmoms who visits this forum. You can probably find some good info there that will help you in your search. I wish you the best of luck!

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 10:01 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • thank you both so much and i didnt even think about just typing her name into myspace! I just did that and I found her instantly, crazy right. I cant believe it and she looks just like my aunt. thank you both!

    Answer by serenaxxmarie at 10:40 PM on Jun. 11, 2009

  • Serenaxxmarie,

    You have made my morning! Knowing that in many cases extended family members do NOT forget the children who were separated from their families through adoption means the world to me as an adoptee who is searching.

    Thanks for this uplifting post - I hope you reach out to her and make a connection. Sometimes siblings or cousins are able to make those connections easier without the same fears of rejection that come with birth parent/adoptee connections. Best of luck! I hope we hear more about your story :)

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 11:54 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • So what will/ would you say on your first contact. "HI you are a dead ringer for my aunt who gave up a baby..." " You wouldn't happen to be adopted you?" Just curious.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:14 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • Honesty is the best policy, simply tell her what you have told us - that you are seeking to reconnect with a cousin that was given up for adoption. In my search for my birth mom the two "Barbara's" I've contacted that were not my birth mother ended up being very gracious, sympathetic to my desire to reconnect with family, and actually helped me narrow down the remaining options.

    There is nothing wrong with desiring to reconnect with your family.

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 1:58 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • Serenaxxmarie, I also was very appreciative of your post. I know of adoption situations in my own life (not mine) that I wonder about what will happen 20 years from now. I do hope everything goes well for you!

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 8:20 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • Leave her alone, do not disrupt this girls life

    Answer by staceynoel at 12:01 PM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • Congratulations on finding your cousin! I think there is nothing wrong with contacting her and letting her know who you are. Obviously if she says she wants to be left alone, I know you'd respect her wishes. It might help to know ahead of time if she's interested in contact with her bmom or if bmom is open to contact, because she may ask.

    She may have been hoping for someone to contact her. DH's sister told us she'd been praying that someone in the biofamily would contact her, b/c she didn't want to "disrupt their lives". His mom had begged him not to find her, but just b/c she was afraid she'd hate her for her decision. When "B" asked if she could meet bmom, DH told her "let me talk to her", but that he was pretty sure she'd want to meet her. We also knew that DH's oldest sister did not want to meet her and had to tell her when she asked (she doesn't talk to DH either) (cont)...

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 10:05 PM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • (cont) A friend of mine placed her son for adoption at age 17, about 22 years ago. She'd been praying that he'd contact her when he turned 18. My friend has a younger sister very close in age to her son, and the sister thought maybe they were attending the same university. She did a search, and that is how she located him. He was stunned but happy, and when they all met (bmom, son, aparents and bgrandparents) he pointed to each of them and said "now this is complete". Unfortunately, his aparents are not supportive so they are not having as much contact as they'd like.

    Whatever you decide, I hope it brought you some peace of mind seeing her picture and learning more about her. If you contact her, I hope it goes well and is what you hope for.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 10:10 PM on Jun. 13, 2009

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