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I need some advice from some other women, wifes and mothers.

This could be a very long story I will try to keep it short need more details just ask.I got pregnant the week I met my husband we thought we needed to get married.He tends to be lazy and selfish which I of course didnt know because we moved WAY to fast.He has quit or been fired from numerous jobs. He cheated on me I left him but found out that I was pregnant again.He has been unemployed since Oct I am working full time.We have a 19 and 3mo old.My mom has to watch them when I work because he says he cant handle it.My house is destroyed, I work 6 days a week all day long and when I get home I have to clean the house and make the dinner and get the kids ready for bed and he is on the computer the whole time.Now I find out that he is acting inappropriately with women on the internet again.I am not happy but I dont know if I should try to make it work for the kids, they love their daddy so much. What would you do?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:02 AM on Jun. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • don't try to make it work for the kids, that just makes it harder on the kids, i know from experience as a kid of parents who stayed together for the kids. he can still be dad and not be with you. honestly he sounds like a worthless piece of junk, sorry but thats what it sounds like. i'd be filing for divorce, theres no way that your mother should have to watch the kids if all he is sitting on a computer playing games and on the internet all day.
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 12:04 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • I would find out if he really wants to work it out. If he does then you better get some family and/or marriage counseling.
    If he doesnt want to work it out then you dont have much of a choice but to leave.

    I am a person who believes that divorce is only an option AFTER you've done everything else you can to keep it together. ...but he (and no offense) sounds like a big fat LOO ZA ER. ...
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 12:06 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • I agree with both of the replies before me 100%
    Ilovemy5joys

    Answer by Ilovemy5joys at 12:08 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • The babies can love their daddy from a distance! My husband was the same way and I, in a way, blame him for our son being traumatically injured by a babysitter. A lot of other things have happened and now we are separated. You deserve to be happy! Do what you need to to get there!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • To add a little more to the story he has now in the past week started a college course through MI works. Its a 6mo program during which he wont be working. We tried counseling but he hears what he wants to hear so we would leave and if I said the "wrong" thing he would say she said you cant say that to me. We stopped going due to finances and now every time i am in a bad mood he says why dont you just call the counselor. So I feel like he maybe is making somewhat of an effort and I kind of feel guilty for wanting to leave.
    dhffmn

    Answer by dhffmn at 12:16 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • dhffmn: that's not trying to work things out, that's trying to make you feel like you're to blame for the problems in this relationship. Curb. Now.
    Sarah_Dorian

    Answer by Sarah_Dorian at 12:19 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • So you think you can carry on this charade of staying for the kids for the next 17 yrs? They are too young to see it now but they can feel the tension now and it won't get better in time. Tell him to pull his weight or you will find someone who can. You sound like you are doing just fine without his help and remind him of that. Tell him to poop or get off the pot. Times a wastin' and you need a real man to step up to the plate. He can be a dead beat dad from somewhere else. What kind of example is he setting for them anyway? My vote is tell him straight up to fix things or get to packin'.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:32 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • He'll probably never change. Most men like that never do. It sounds like he's using you. Why would he get off his lazy butt and work? You're paying for him to live there for free and not even making him take care of his own kids. He's got it made! Tell him you're sick of it and to get gone. You'll be happier in the long run and so will those precious babies. I wish you the best!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:59 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • you should tell him to go get with one of the girls he is talking to online let them take care of him because you are done and from experience you need to let him go before the babies get old enough to really be emotionally burden by him leaving its a lot harder the older they get and if he really cares about his kids he can have visitation and pay child support and if he doesn't that will really show what kinda man he is men have good intentions for their family but some just really cant follow through with them some are wonderful fathers but horrible husbands sometimes they just cant help it because of the way they were raised that is why you have to be the rock for your family tell him its easier to support yourself and your babies than it is to support 4 give him an ultimatum at this point you should know it is not all your fault and it takes 2 to tango in every situation these are just my opinions i hope some work 4 you
    whatitbebb

    Answer by whatitbebb at 1:28 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • I like the previous poster would try to work things out. I would verbally articulate to him that you want to work things out (if you do). Tell him that you would like to see how you guys do for 90 days-3 months or until he graduates from the program he just started. If you feel he is truly trying to make things work in the next 3 to 6 months continue and work on your marriage. You married him and owe it to yourself, and your family. Try to do everything you can to make it work. If he continues to disrespect you and your family you have some very tough decisions to make. I always believe in the motto of "One can do bad by himself alone." Keep us posted on how things go. Wishing you and your family the best.
    PatricksMama07

    Answer by PatricksMama07 at 2:20 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

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