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I don't believe it....

The X insisted on staying in a relationship for the sake of the children when all along he was playing around and laundering income away. Now he has publicly denied the paternity of the children and refuses child support. Professionally this has all bar destroyed me, and the children are shattered. I have my hands tied with what I can tell the kids about what has happened..."In the best interests of the child" Does anyone have anything to say...I'd like to hear your thoughts because mine are doing my head in.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:09 AM on Jun. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • You can demand a paternity test and force him to pay child support through the courts. When the truth is revealed, everyone will see him for the lying douche bag he is. Don't feel like you need to cower and capitulate, you need to be strong for yourself and for your children.

    Answer by Sarah_Dorian at 12:16 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • Sounds like from the beginning, he was just biding his time so he could siphon off your joint assets. It's business to him. Not necessarily personal. (Sounds cold, but some executives are.)

    I'm so sorry. Your kids deserve better!

    You are a better person than he is if you can swallow your bitterness and give the kids only as much information on the specifics as they really need to know. They will need you to keep up a "face" of "it's going to be okay!" (sort of like you used to conceal your fear of something when your kids were little so as not to scare them.)

    Keep in mind, kids always wonder in the back of their minds if they somehow caused the parent to leave. If they start acting out, you may need a child psychologist's help.


    Answer by timelessglass at 12:20 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • I feel for you ... Just remember that you are a better person and let your kids know that you will always be there for them. I would only expain what they ask and can understand. It will and can come out in court he is truly their father. Just take it day by day and be there as they come to understand more and more of what has happened and is going on. It's a long road , and I wouldn't lie and say it will be easy. Find good friends and family let them be a emotional support for you throu this.

    Answer by Shaqbe4u at 12:23 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • It's not your place to explain his actions to the children. Just tell them you are as bewildered as they are and they will have to ask their dad. First, go to child support and file. They will have the court compel him to take a DNA test and that will be that. He'll have to pay child support or go to jail. Emotionally it may not be as easy to deal with. Maybe family counseling. If you don't have insurance sign up for that as well. he'll have to reimburse the state for that too but in the meantime you and the kids will be able to get some sort of comfort from a counselor. What a jerk he is. My x has denied paternity for over 30 yrs of our three kids. We just ignore him now. I still make him pay child support. He didn't for years but I finally got it out of him.

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:25 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • Girl you don't want this scum bag around your kids anyway. My advice? Live without him in your lives. If you do a paternity test and make him pay child support he'll get 50% of the time with your kids in custody. I'd rather live without the child support and not have my kids at a "douche bags" house for half their childhood.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:02 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • Anon :02
    Visitation rights aren't a guarantee, especially in cases where the father is behaving this way. And nowhere does it ever say that men who pay child support automatically get 50% of the time with the kids.

    Answer by Sarah_Dorian at 4:41 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • Thank You Ladies, I appreciate your thoughts. His departure resulted in a violent outburst and an assault in front of the children, Unfortunately they saw and heard it all, my hands were figuratively tied, had I reacted one of them would have been injured along with me. The filing of the legalities has been done along with the paternal statements but it doesn't stop the slander and the refusal of payments. This part of the battle has seen so much legal time it isn't funny anymore. ( He has the power & position along with the assets ) The children had just started school, the psych issues were the first major child issue dealt with. The kids as much as I, want to move on but because of the legals we are tied here for the duration( We all know that takes forever). Unfortunately He has more control now than he did before. He has declined access which I would have contested anyway given the level of violence involved.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:55 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

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