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How do i?

My fiance and I were together for a little over a year and recently broke up. He wanted to break up and "give us both time to reflect on the relationship and what we did wrong so that we wont make the same mistakes." the day we broke up he sent me this text message "im always going to love you, you have always been the one for me. I hope you change so that we could be together as I need to change as well, I think it might be a couple of weeks and we will be back together. I love you and I hope you will give me another chance." But he has shut him self off towards me emotionally and acts like it doesnt bother him. He says he is just as miserable as I am but he couldnt deal with all the arguing and that we need to change. I am so unbelievable miserable and cant hold any food down or sleep. I feel so home sick with out him because I am so used to him being here. What can I do or say to get him back? I cant live like this!

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augusta.flores

Asked by augusta.flores at 6:44 AM on Jun. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Well for one thing you can live without him and you just have it in your head that you can. You and him have some changing to do and what thats gonna take, I don't know! Men have this way of hiding how they feel and what's going on in there head so just give him time and have a talk with him and good luck w/ your relationship.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:51 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • When I went through this, I became a workaholic, worse than before, to cloud out the emotion. I couldn't cloud out the emotion completely. Then I flaunt with the gesture, "what you thought about me was all wrong, and you can't have it anymore. Goodbye and good riddance. (I would still think about him, but he'll eventually fade.)
    BlueSaphire

    Answer by BlueSaphire at 6:56 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • If he wants the change to be less arguments then you should at least add couples counseling to the separation. That would be the proactive approach to the two of you really changing.  I don't know how people stay in relationships when they are constantly fighting,  the stress would make me sick.

    Farrahann

    Answer by Farrahann at 7:14 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • I have suggested counseling and he says we dont need it. that all he has to do is make the changes within himself
    augusta.flores

    Answer by augusta.flores at 7:28 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • I know how you feel, it isn't pretty...
    First off though you're not gonna feel better or make anything better by not eating or sleeping. You need to calm yourself down and realize that when you do eat and take a good nap youll feel alot better.
    As for what to do, and trust me on this one... stop calling/texting him. Ignore him a little. That will get him thinking and jumping real quick.
    Gremlyn

    Answer by Gremlyn at 7:29 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • I know you do not want to hear this but....Move on!!! Any guy that says he wants to take a break in a relationship usually means he is done. As always cry your heart out and get over this so you can have a better quality of life. You have to take care of yourself first. Be strong. You seem sweet and so you deserve someone better. HUGS!
    oliviahank

    Answer by oliviahank at 8:37 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • Instead of trying to figure out how you can get him back, why don't you spend some time thinking about the causes of the fighting? Every single one of us has a whole lot of emotional baggage that we bring to our relationships. We are emotionally unhealthy, and we are looking for someone who can heal our pain. We put expectations on others that are totally unrealistic. No man is ever going to be equipped to fill all the voids in your being. We are always looking for whatever is lacking in our lives, and then we become unconsciously angry at the people who can't give us what we need. Your boy friend is just like you. His needs are different but he's looking for someone to complete him, too. Give him credit for realizing that, for whatever reason, this is not working. There's a possibility that it could, if you both learn to be whole people on your own. Two wholes make one, not two halves make one.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:05 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

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