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8 year old will not clean her room

I have done everything I can think of to get her to clean her room. Nothing works, because she just does not care. I have bagged toys up, I have grounded her, rewarding her and etc... Nothing works. I even told her she can not leave her room until it is clean, she won't do it. My SIL is taking her and my son for the weekend. I told her while she is gone, I am going to put up every single toy she has, until she can learn to keep her room clean. She said "That's fine, I will just tell auntie and she will buy me more toys." She will too, she does it every single time. Despite DH telling her NOT to buy them anymore toys, they do not keep them picked up. What else can I do? I have tried everything... I do not ask her for much, just to keep her room clean.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:09 AM on Jun. 12, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (16)
  • ohhh hunny its an on going battle my dd is 12 lol. so i feel for u i do xo it has gotten better but its still a chore. i have done that u have done and taken everything away did work best i took everything out and made her earn things back and when she stared to get stuff back i would remind her to keep it clean or it was gone. that even went to her clothes i would say u need to pick it up and she wouldnt she "forgot" and i would take it and we just worked our way up till she smartend up about things. but i still fight with her to clean she would rather be outside then clean. no going out till its done and i will check it if it took her forevr that wasent my proublm so she would lose time outside. shes coming around slowly. as for aunt let her buy toys but as soon as there in your house take them and if she says anything tell her what your doing and she was asked not to buy stuff. adults need to work together. hold ur ground.
    tabbys4

    Answer by tabbys4 at 10:19 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • 1 I wouldn't let her go this weekend with her "Auntie" after talking to you like that. 2 throw away her toys and mean it 3 only thing she would be allowed to do is read books and do her chores. 4, you need to put your foot down with "Auntie" or she wouldn't being see the kids as often.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:17 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • i do also agree with 1017 i have asked my dd to clean so when she goes to grammys its done she sat there with thumb up butt and i kept warning her needless to say she didnt go, it stunk but like kids there grounded so are we lol. but it worked she cleaned and did miss out grammy but now she knows clean or u wont go. i stood my ground. as for ur dd's comment she was being rude and disrepectful dont let her get away with it tell her she sounded like a spoiled brat ( im not calling her one just saying ) but u have to stand your ground and follow threw, she will learn sooner or later and if auntie brings anything over to bad like it was said u get to read and do chores. she has to learn there are concequences in life even as a kid.
    tabbys4

    Answer by tabbys4 at 10:25 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • You can't make her care about having a clean room, but if there is anything else she cares about you might be able to use that. Tell her once, and only once, that you would like her to have her room cleaned by 3:00, or tomorrow morning, or whatever dealine you want to use. Don't mention it again and don't tell her anything will happen if she doesn't do it. When the dealine comes and her room is still a wreck load up the family to go somewhere she would really want to go (ice cream, park, whatever you know she will really want). You'll need to have a babysitter ready to stay with her. Then when it's time to go, say "Oh I know you really love going to this place. It's just so sad you will have to stay here and clean up your room." Then leave without her. Make sure the babysitter knows what is happening and does not help her out. If it's still not clean when you get back you'll have to go a step further.
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 10:26 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • I would start throwing stuff away. And when her aunt buys her a toy, as soon as she walks in the door, throw it in the trash too. And I agree with the previous response, she wouldn't be going to spend any time with her aunt or anyone else. I'd clean that room out and only leave her bed and dresser...basically the bare necessities. Let her miss it. I don't know what else you do as far as discipline, but has she always been like this or did it just start?
    pebbleschild

    Answer by pebbleschild at 10:29 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • She will always tell you "that's ok" if you let her know what the consequences are in advance because she can prepare herself for whatever it is. If you catch her by surprise and don't try to lecture her, the point will sink in much better. Like other posters have mentioned, not letting her go with your SIL might be a great consequence for her, but for it to be most effective don't warn or threaten her with it. I think that might really make an impact.
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 10:35 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • You all have great idea's! I will give her a deadline. If she doesn't have it cleaned by 4pm, she can not go.. Trust me I have no problem standing my ground. My best bet with her is to get rid of her toys and make her earn it back, this I have of yet to try. Of course, if SIL buys her more toys I will get rid of them too. She won't even noticed the toys being gone.
    She has always been like this, it is nothing new.
    That's just the thing with my dd, she does not care period. I could get rid of every single toy she has and she won't care.. I can't think of anything she loves and would hate to part from. I gave her the deadline, she knows she will not go if it isn't clean. I will not warn her or say anything else. She knows she will not go, she knows I stick to what I say. Thank you so much for the idea's!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:50 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • Sounds like my soon to be 9yo. She doesn't care. And I did take ALL of their toys. She shares a room with her 7yo brother and 6yo sister and they kept trashing their room and I just got fed up. So I grabbed boxes and bags and now everything is gone, books included. They have empty shelves now. They did earn 5 Bratz back and a Barbie car and my son got a few army men back but I'm about to take them all away again because they can't even keep that picked up.
    As for your situation I would either, 1--just not let her go until she cleans her room or 2--if she does go and her aunt buys her toys confiscate them as she walks in the door and tell her she can have them back when she wants to help keep the house clean.
    Mine has a birthday coming up and she knows she isn't getting anything from us for her birthday (maybe some books) and the toys she gets from other people will probably be taken away until she wants to clean.
    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 10:51 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • Pick a day were you will be home all day. Put her in her room and tell her she may come out when it is done. (other than the bathroom) Serve breakfast lunch and dinner in her room. Alone. Keep reminding her she may come out when it is don and had passed an inspection. If it is not done by bed time meet her in her room the next morning with her breakfast. repeat until done. she is just Self grounding. Tell her that she a part of your family and that as such she is expected to help out around the house. End of story every one in the house pitches in. When she has her own family she can make her own rules.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 1:48 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • I don't really have anything to tell you. Just that I back up everything everybody has said. I am glad to see that we are not the only ones who do these things. We have done every single one of those things with my 8-year-old SD. Unfortunately, she lost all her stuff in May of last year and only has her books and every once in a while gets her outside toys to play with. She has really broken ground in the last 3-4 weeks though. Our big problem was that she goes to her BM every Tuesday and Thursday evening throughout the school year plus every other weekend. So she didn't care if she had nothing to do here because almost every other day she got to go to BM and do whatever she wanted. In the summer it is a week there then a week here and so forth so it is a little harder on her. I feel so bad when I think about all the stuff she misses out on by misbehaving though. It's all on her though. She chose to misbehave. Not us.
    LifeGoesOn08

    Answer by LifeGoesOn08 at 1:52 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

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