Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Relationship Question..I need as much advice as possible please...

ok, so my fiance and i have been together for almost 2 years. I have a baby from a previous man, my fiance has been raising him(his choice) since he was born, we are 21 & 22. Lately we have had MANY problems. First, we never get to do anything together(hes on house arrest) but i have been trying to get family to take the baby for a while so we can spend some time together last 2 sundays he has been with them for a few hours, thats not good enough for him, but im working on it. Second, he now decided he HATES kids, i hear it all the time. He doesnt even want his own let alone somebody else's. It breaks my heart because he took on the responsiblity on his own. I never asked him to raise my son, he wanted to be his dad and now my son looks up to him, and he doesnt even care. Up until our son was a year, he was amazing, changing, feeding, bathing, reading, and now NOTHING! CONT:

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:32 AM on Jun. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Third, he has resentment because him and i were talking, he loved me, he was my friend but i cared about him a lot, maybe too scared to admit it at first and i got pregnant to a guy which he knew i was seeing. In the end i chose to be with him. He hates me for what i did & reminds me all the time. Fourth, he is very stressed out at the moment i do not work but we live at home with my dad. I cant work cuz i dont have anyone to watch the baby because he wont watch him while i go to work in the evening to make us some extra money. He says he doesnt want to be stuck in the house with the baby. He works, hard, and goes to school. He told me that he feels he has hit rock bottom and cant do it anymore. I understand that things are stressful, but when he came into this he knew my situation and accepted it with arms open until now. He is miserable everyday, never wants to talk, when we do we argue. CONT:

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:35 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • I know things can be good, really good cuz for 4 days we have been perfect, us, and with the baby as a family, then he started with, " I HATE KIDS" i dont want my own, blah blah. He comes home from work, doesnt want to talk to me, or play with the baby, I can kiss his ass, and i still get treated like shit, i can be mean, and still get treated like shit. I dont know what im supposed to do. I told him your either all in or all out. I left the choice up to him, i told him this is unfair, to me, and to our son. He even went as far as to tell me that when our son grows up and looks like his father, he doesnt even want to look at him. I cant keep letting a man that i truley do love, and really is amazing keep hurting us. Like i said, when things are good they are good and he really is a wonderful person. I just dont know whats happening to him/us nemore, i know he loves us, and says he never will leave, but i cant go on like this.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • He sounds like maybe he's depressed due to the house arrest. This doesn't seem like normal behavior for him. Communication is key. Talk to him and see what's the root of the problem....BUT if he doesn't change you're going to have a tough decision to make. Your son should always come first and it sounds dangerous to have someone taking care of him express that he HATES kids. Good Luck.

    Answer by NJMom2Tyler at 11:44 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • Your relationship is unhealthy for you and your son. Stop leaving your future in this man's hands, why give him all the control over YOUR future. You're in an emotionally abusive relationship and it most likely won't get better. He'll be just nice enough to keep you hopeful, yet mean enough to keep you off-balance and you questioning your own sanity.

    Answer by Lexylex at 11:45 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • I say let him go! your son does not deserve this and neither do you. He maybe stressed out but that doesn't give him the right to treat u like shit.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:48 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • he might feel trapped because of the house arrest...and taking it out on whoever is around him. you need to find out what's really bugging him before you commit your life and YOUR SON"S life to this guy.

    Answer by ivebcummymother at 11:51 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • raising children is not easy. I have a daughter from a previous relatioonship and my husband took on the responsability of being daddy when her biological dad didn't want to be there. my husband has been daddy ever since she was 3 months old. me and my husband are both 21. we also have a daughter together, shes 10 months old. my husband loves them both. I think you fiance needs some encouragement. tell him he has done a good job in raising your son. it can get frusterating not having time to yourselves. my husband and I know all about that. but you have to be strong and stay the course. it will be worth it, doing things as a family helps. we don't have a lot money to go out and do things in town so playing in the dirt with the girls outside and making mud pies with them brings out the little boy in my husband. he has just as much fun as they do. doing little things like that makes all the difference.

    Answer by MommyLeary at 11:53 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • He does sound depressed...but he has no right to take it out on your and your innocent baby.
    Am I understanding correctly, that you cheated on him and got pregnant but then decided to stay with this guy? Hmmm...ok, you know that cheating was, I'm not going to beat you up about that...however, I will say that most men don't like having their egos crushed. Sounds like his is pretty big at this point. Sweetheart, you need to get out of this unhealthy relationship. This guy should be grateful that you've stayed as long as you have. Most women wouldn't tolerate the verbal and mental abuse to themselves much less tolerate the cruel things he says about your baby. There are other men out there. I know you can find one to treat you right and love your son no matter who his biological father is. You say you love this man....but really, is it worth it? Do you feel any joy with him anymore? It sounds like he just

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 11:54 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • no i did not cheat, i wasnt with him, nor sleeping with him, we were friends, but he had feelings for me that i didnt have at the time, well, i guess i did, but didnt want to.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • tries to be nice when he thinks you're starting to pull away. That's no way for a relationship to thrive. Get out with your child. Show your child the way a REAL man treats women. Don't allow any man to ever hurt you this way again. You work on you. You are worth so much more than you think. Please learn to put value on yourself and child before you put your faith in a man.
    Professional Counseling might be a good idea to help you rebuild your self-esteem, and realize what signs to watch for before choosing the "wrong" guy again. A lot of us have a type of guy we go for over and over even if he's the worst type for us. I wish you so much success in this life. I hope you don't mind, but I'd love to pray for you and your son. I'll ask God to guide you through this and to lift you up from this painful situation you're in. I pray for your strength, courage, and endurance..Most of all, I pray you'll finally have some Peace.

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 11:59 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.