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Am I being unrealistic in wanting to "date" my husband again?

My husband and I have been together over 10 years…we have a 6 year old and a baby on the way. He and I both work full time and share equal responsibility in raising our son, household chores, bills, etc. He is an EXCELLENT father, responsible husband and dedicated family man. What is lacking in our relationship is “US”. Our sex life, intimacy, etc. We can talk and laugh for hours on end as great friends though...but everything we do together is always as a family and the “couple” aspect has decreased significantly. I miss going on dates, etc. It has gotten to the point where we hardly celebrate Mother’s Day, birthday’s, Christmas, etc for each other. It is ALL about the kid. Some days I wouldn’t change it for the world but other days I wish things were different.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:55 AM on Jun. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • OP here____Am I being unrealistic about what I want from my marriage? I’ve spoken to him about my wants, wrote letters, etc. But he is happy just being a “family”. I still want to have “fun” nights with him. By the way I'm 31 and he's 44...

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:55 AM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • I think you are being realistic. It is good you work together so well as a family and are friends, but it would be great if you got a babysitter and went out once a month. Tell him you are happy too, but you miss dressing up and going to dinner just the 2 of you. YOu can even plan a date, have the sitter get there early and he can pick you up. My husband and i used to do that and it was so fun when he would come to the door like old times. It will still probably feel like good friends but u will get used to putting the focus back on you guys for a night. I like going to comedy clubs on dates, nice dinners, dinner theatres..lots of fun things you guys can do.

    Answer by ria7 at 12:01 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • I think you are not unrealistic to want 'couples' time and not just 'family' time. Have you thought about taking the matter in your own hands and planning a date night? Hire a sitter and go out for supper and a movie? Or what about if create a 'date' at home? Either see if your son could have an overnight with a grandparent- or put him to bed early. Then sit down with husband and dine by candlelight, snuggle up next to each other and watch a movie....
    My hubs and I have been married 18 years- what we do is drop the kids at one of the grandmas houses and then go out. Mostly it is out to eat, sometimes out to a movie, sometimes it is just running errands together. It is nice to have that 'alone' time.
    I hope things work out and you and your hubby have 'dates' again! Good Luck!

    Answer by MizLee at 12:05 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • Not at all! I am just like you in that I need a dates with my hubby, too. Just because we are mothers doesn't mean our romantic lives have to stop. It is completely natural to want to go out and have fun with your husband once in a while. It is like therapy, I think! Do you have grandparents who can babysit once a week, or even once a month, so you two can go out on dates? I know it is hard sometimes trusting a stranger to watch your kid(s), but you should really try to find someone reliable and make a plan with your husband to at least go out together once a month. Tell him how important it is to you, and work together to make it happen.

    Answer by ilovepoms at 12:23 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • Relationship counseling. It helps a lot of couples going through what you are going through right now, Once a week and everything comes out into the open. Strongly suggest it, I hope everything works out with your relationship. Good luck and God bless.

    Answer by youngfirsttimer at 12:55 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • I dont think you are being unrealistic at all. Your relationship needs maintenance, you NEED time alone together.

    Answer by abbynzachsmommy at 1:02 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you want. You should be dating! The marriage needs to be the priority above the kids! Otherwise, in a few years, things could fall apart. If you're not taking care of the marriage, there won't be one.

    Answer by feesharose at 1:55 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

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