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How do I cope with my adult daughter and grandson moving in with me?

My daughter, who is 26, recently got out of the Navy, got married, and had a son. I love him and my daughter very much, but it is so stressful to have the extra responsibility and work, along with my other 2 kids, who are into too many activities to count!!!!!! Does anyone else have a problem dealing with stress, kids, and a husband who continuially gets the kids into more activities, ignoring my feelings about it?? Thanks!

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iluvbooks45

Asked by iluvbooks45 at 3:53 PM on Jun. 12, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Is your daughter working, If not ask her to help out around the house. Tell her you don't mind her being there, but would like for her to help out, with things, maybe laundry, dishes, and/or cooking. Or maybe help get her younger siblings to some of there activities.
    vgiron

    Answer by vgiron at 4:02 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • You should sit down together and go over what is expected. If she's expected to pitch in with bills (and she should), make a household budget and put it on paper so that it's very clear in black and white. Of course, your money is your business, but just be sure that you are all on the same page when it comes to how much will be contributed to which bill. Go over what will be done in the house - cleaning, laundry, etc. Make a chart for that as well and post it where all can see it - probably on the fridge. Just as you won't assume she will be your built in babysitter, neither should she think of you in that way. Respect goes a long way, and it's a two way street. Have family meetings every so often to talk about things that need to be tweaked a bit.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:48 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • As for your husband piling on responsibilities, just say no. Pull the kids out of activities if need be. Be honest about how you feel with him, in a gentle way. Don't say things in an accusing way, for example, "You (do this) and it makes me feel (this way)". Instead, say something like, "I feel (this way). I need you to help me figure out how to make it all better." Most men want to solve problems rather than hear about them.

    Good luck! And how lucky you are to be able to spend more time with your grandbaby! *hugs*
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:53 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • Why can't she live with her husband somewhere other than home?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:45 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • Wow, that is great that you would be even willing to let them live with you. So many people would not allow it. You need to let her know what you want her to do. Hopefully, she does not expect you to babysit her child all of the time. It wouldn't hurt for her to do some chores, or even pitch in for the utilities or mortgage/rent. She shouldn't be another burden, if that is the case, she is NOT helping or contributing to the family structure. I know you love her, but she is not a teenager or a child anymore, she can help!!!

    lordsong1002

    Answer by lordsong1002 at 8:26 AM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • I too have been in this situation. It is hard but I believe your kids dont want to be there any more than we want them to be. In my situation, I tried to be a giver and supportive and it didnt take long for them to be back out in a home of there own. Hopefully they will remember the love.
    thankfulintex

    Answer by thankfulintex at 11:04 AM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • Stop doing the work, stop doing the running around and start saying No.
    It really is that simple. Until you start saying NO people will just continue to dish things out to you.
    Waxing_Lyrical

    Answer by Waxing_Lyrical at 4:37 AM on Jun. 21, 2009

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