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Relationship Question..I need as much advice as possible please..

ok, so my fiance and i have been together for almost 2 years. I have a baby from a previous man, my fiance has been raising him(his choice) since he was born, we are 21 & 22. Lately we have had MANY problems. First, we never get to do anything together(hes on house arrest) but i have been trying to get family to take the baby for a while so we can spend some time together last 2 sundays he has been with them for a few hours, thats not good enough for him, but im working on it. Second, he now decided he HATES kids, i hear it all the time. He doesnt even want his own let alone somebody else's. It breaks my heart because he took on the responsiblity on his own. I never asked him to raise my son, he wanted to be his dad and now my son looks up to him, and he doesnt even care. Up until our son was a year, he was amazing, changing, feeding, bathing, reading, and now NOTHING! CONT:

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:57 PM on Jun. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • Third, he has resentment because him and i were talking, he loved me, he was my friend but i cared about him a lot, maybe too scared to admit it at first and i got pregnant to a guy which he knew i was seeing. In the end i chose to be with him. He hates me for what i did & reminds me all the time. Fourth, he is very stressed out at the moment i do not work but we live at home with my dad. I cant work cuz i dont have anyone to watch the baby because he wont watch him while i go to work in the evening to make us some extra money. He says he doesnt want to be stuck in the house with the baby. He works, hard, and goes to school. He told me that he feels he has hit rock bottom and cant do it anymore. I understand that things are stressful, but when he came into this he knew my situation and accepted it with arms open until now. He is miserable everyday, never wants to talk, when we do we argue. CONT:
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:58 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • I know things can be good, really good cuz for 4 days we have been perfect, us, and with the baby as a family, then he started with, " I HATE KIDS" i dont want my own, blah blah. He comes home from work, doesnt want to talk to me, or play with the baby, I can kiss his ass, and i still get treated like shit, i can be mean, and still get treated like shit. I dont know what im supposed to do. I told him your either all in or all out. I left the choice up to him, i told him this is unfair, to me, and to our son. He even went as far as to tell me that when our son grows up and looks like his father, he doesnt even want to look at him. I cant keep letting a man that i truley do love, and really is amazing keep hurting us. Like i said, when things are good they are good and he really is a wonderful person. I just dont know whats happening to him/us nemore, i know he loves us, and says he never will leave, but i cant go on like this.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:58 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • You have answered your own question. You can't go on like this. Make sure you have job training and a job, and get out of this relationship as soon as you can. If he resents your son, even though your son looks up to him, it isn't a good situation.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 5:03 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • Ouch. :-( What a tough situation. Since he knew exactly what the situation was from the beginning, then he shouldn't be acting like this now. I totally agree that it is not fair to you and it's even less fair to your son. I think you definitely made the right choice by giving him an ultimatum. If he made the decision to be "all in" then he needs to really be. He needs to always treat your son like his own because that's what he is promising to do. He needs to drop what happened in the past and move on. If he can't do these things then I think it's best for you to leave him behind. Your son has it hard enough since his biological parents aren't together, and now if your fiance is going to be out of the picture eventually, it's better that you don't wait. The longer you two stay together, the more bonded the baby will be with him and the harder it will be on your son if he leaves. I hope you can work through it! Good luck!
    MamaApril2

    Answer by MamaApril2 at 5:04 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • I had a man I loved, and he moved away, we lost touch, I got pregnant by another man, and then we got back in touch. We dated for a while, but I left and never went back the day he told me he couldnt love my son the way a father would because of what I did to him.

    I know it is different circumstances, but my point is you have to take care of your baby before trying to make yourself or your fiance happy. It sounds like he isnt going to be happy no matter what anyway. But your son is going to be at the age eventually he is going to know that this man thinks he is not good enough, and you need to take a look now at what you are going to do about it. Either put up with it at the expense of his self esteem, or leave and find someone that can love him, and at least not treat him as a burden and that he reminds him of what you did (not saying you dont deserve forgiveness just pointing out obviously he hasnt given it)cont...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:05 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • cont...

    obviously he needs counseling if the 2 of you are going to work this out, but if he wont or it doesnt work you need to stand up and do what is best for your son, not what makes you happy or what makes your fiance happy, it isnt about the 2 of you anymore. Goo dLuck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:06 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • Wow! I am sorry you are going through thsi, Would you ever consider him out of your life...I mean you don't need him to make you feel like shit when he feels like it.  Not to mention why out of the blue does he have a problem with your son...talking about everytime he looks at him it reminds him of his father (duh! he is not his kid)...Something is going on with him either he wants out of the realationship and don't know how to go about it or he already has someone on the side (Do you have any suspicions?)


    I mean it don't make sense everything is good when he feels like it and poor you go along with it so there won't be no argueing but the minute he gets a wild hair up his butt that he wants to feel like feeling like shit himself he just acts stupid. No I would not put up with this let him go and find a real man. Take Care!

    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 5:10 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • i think you know whats best for your son.
    good luck.
    BekaBug

    Answer by BekaBug at 5:12 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • Soory, but this engagement is already broken. Move on before things get even worse.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 5:12 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • Yeah... That dude obviously needs some major therapy.
    kittyhasclaws

    Answer by kittyhasclaws at 5:34 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

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